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Thread: be yourself.

  1. #51
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    My first post was relating to how obvious the adaptation you mentioned (in the post I quoted) seemed to be to you. (sports crow - > active etc) My "does not compute" comment was expressing surprise. Yes, Fi allows for pretty much any value, but more often than not, Fi users are characterized by being very independent from context in that way. This does not mean I'm saying you suck at Fi or anything. But that maybe you're not engaging on Fi some of the times you do that. Notice I said maybe. The fact that I need to explain this pisses my own Fi off (as if I have to defend myself when I didn't do anything wrong in the first place, and it was all a matter of no-benefit of the doubt interpretation). We use 7 other functions. If a ENFP can go with the social currents, it doesn't mean he or she is using Fi when he or she is doing that.
    yeah, i see what you mean. but i tend to believe we're using all our functions at once, just in different orders/amounts/layers - or at least, our mental systems are so affected by our function use that it's impossible to act without the influence of any function. so it's weird to me to, at any point, think i'm not engaging Fi. basically my whole ethical system is mediated by Fi, so even if i'm being outwardly people-adaptable with Fe, i think there's still a Fi drive running somewhere to provide base reasoning why i can be outwardly people-adaptable without subverting my own ethos. i guess where i saw you doing something "wrong" (please don't take this offensively, it was just my perception at the time, i'm totally neutral currently - but just for the sake of understanding) was that you pointed out a negative without any positive to balance it. that, to me, reads as "not nice." maybe to you it was just an inconsistency in an idea i had, not something about me personally, so it doesn't apply to me? to me, that whole post was about myself, so i felt like you were applying that inconsistency to me personally. which i suspect is generally where Fi > Fe/ F > T sensitivity comes from...

    It wasn't about me not understanding like I explained previously. Besides, I didn't say anything overtly offensive in any of my posts towards you. "Does not compute", for example, is not a super ultra serious way of phrasing things, which should hint you that I'm not making a big deal of whatever it is that I'm saying. Besides I'm not the most serious person in the world. I guess I should start using more smileys in my posts.
    lol. maybe. yeah, like i said before, i just read it as a kind of "boop boop fail." i actually don't think the joking manner was unclear... but it actually made it worse for me, because it just seemed like mockery! humor fail on my/our part i guess :/

    Who said anything about wrong or right? Who am I to tell you what to do? Do you think I'm that stupid to waste my time telling people what to do in such matters? I want to discuss. I love to analyze social situations. If I ask and ping-pong it's to probe.
    haha, i dunno, some people just like being jerks for the fun of it. and a lot of people like telling others what to do. it is the internets after all... hard to tell people's real intentions... sorry i misjudged.

    A function does not a man make. Besides, being a TP doesn't make one a dick or wrong. Even if it did, I don't see the point in getting defensive (nevermind the fact there's no good reason for it) if someone IS being a dick. Just ignore that person. But I'm pretty sure as an ENFP, you like to communicate and understand people, so Ti needn't rile you up.
    oh, nah, i don't mean TP makes someone a jerk or wrong. more like someone being TP makes me more likely to think that they're trying to be a jerk when they're actually not. i live with a pair of Ti doms (INTPs), and what just occurred between your POV and mine is very similar to what often occurs between the Ti doms and me - you were coming from a neutral stance and pointing out inconsistencies, i mistook it as a personal attack, and you were offended by my defense. you'd think after years of living with them i'd have learned better, but i guess it takes a lot for each of us to overcome our own perspectives. at least i can see the pattern now. you're right that it needn't rile me up - it's hard when the subject matters to me, though, you know? i feel like if i don't address a perception that's off - if i don't get to the truth of something - then i'm just perpetuating disharmony. and my emotion tends to piss people off, though i don't really get why. anyway - i think that's a really interesting Fe-Fi difference. Fi > Fe people are probably more likely to argue about something because they tend to think that harmony is better achieved once everything is out in the open, instead of creating external harmony that might be "disguising" underlying internal conflict. whereas my Fe dom best friend would probably argue that external harmony soothes internally. both are ultimately true, i guess.


    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    Exactly. It's more about using Ne.
    haha yeah i agree.

    and actually, i think Ne + Fi undertones ends up looking a lot like - if not often ends up engaging - Fe.

    i have this idea that sometimes function combinations can slide us into other functions... like primary Ne + Fi usage, if used heavy on iNtuition and focusing on Fi internal issues, can slide me into using Ni via a more comfortable path than just engaging Ni out of the blue. and Ne + Fi used heavy externally but in reference to people can slide me into Fe. what i wonder is how you can tell when it's really Ne + Fi or if it's actually Fe. or is there even a purpose in wondering about the difference, because the functions are just theoretical anyway?


  2. #52
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    In my mind, insecurity would make one speak less for fear of being judged. ENFPs are almost always criticized for being TOO hyper, not not hyper enough. Rachelinpa is being accused of artificially pumping herself up in front of the ISTP's friends, which isn't something an ENFP would do if they feared being judged.

    You're assuming that she isn't being herself. Her point is that she IS being herself. ENFPs by nature adapt to their environments while remaining grounded by their values. To act similarly across a spectrum of situations would require tremendous self-control, because it is NOT NATURAL FOR US. Insecurity has nothing to do with it.
    thank you for articulating what i could not. this is exactly what i was trying to say.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    What's funny is that you are being pressured to act a certain way by the ISTP, when you really like the way you were behaving in the first place. If you want to be introverted around some people and bubbly around others, then go ahead. The ISTP can act however he/she wants to act and should leave you alone.
    hmm... my istp delivers this in a more matter-of-fact observer way. he is not necessarily pressuring me to act that way... although, i may FEEL like he is at times. haha. i believe he is thinking what HE would do in certain situations and applying it to me. which is ridiculous, but he did just learn that people are different from him when i introduced him to myers briggs a year ago... haha. i think i puzzle him.

  4. #54
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post
    I can see you're offended.

    It sounded like you didn't even read her post.

    I saw nothing in her post that suggested she was faking anything. The need for a "solution" is misplaced given what she wrote in her post. Now, we may get more insights if she comes back and gives some more information. Maybe she is insecure, I don't know. But evidence of insecurity (ie. altering her behavior as part of a defence mechanism) is lacking at this point.
    yeah, it's not that i drastically change my behavior to suit the needs of the people i'm around... i think i just naturally adapt. or at least, that is what i THINK i am doing. i know that certain aspects of my personality come out depending on who i am with. and, i think my istp was saying that the aspects that HE enjoys, other people tend to miss out on. i don't think i hide that from them though...

    i know it is rare for me to find someone who sees BOTH sides of my personality and appreciates BOTH sides of it... acknowledging that i am one and the same. some people are surprised to find that i do have a deeper introspective side, but i don't think that i actively put up barriers to keep them from seeing that. i want people to know that about me, but i'm not going to force the issue when i'm out partying... haha... and i guess what is left is sort of a bubbliness that requires some sifting through. conversely, some people get annoyed with the deeper introspective me and tell me to "stop being too philosophical."

    this is not to say that i completely listen to them and STOP being myself, but i think i do adjust depending on the setting and who i am with. don't most people? i like having lots of different kinds of relationships and reject the box that says i have to be all one way or the other. does that make sense? i really don't think it's rooted in insecurity, but it's interesting that it is perceived that way... because i think that is maybe the problem i am having with my istp. i think he thinks that too!

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