I didn't mean to sound like I was saying I'm so desperately complex, no one gets me. I'm sorry it came off like that. I mean that I make myself unknowable.
Originally Posted by SilkRoad
So, if I am following the conversation, others feel hurt by the fact that people are not tending to INFJs emotionally in the way that INFJs tend to them. And some expressed a desire for others to just try or think or listen harder in order to do that. And some even went as far as saying others should let themselves be more emotional. I hope I am depicting this properly. So while I understand this desire, logically I know its no fairer to say that to them than for someone to say to me "be less sensitive, be less emotional". Which they do, in fact (the ones that I trust enough to show) therefore I fully understand the appeal in a fantasy of an NF dominated world. I am in favor of people casting aside fear of showing emotions and/or tenderness and especially listening more, but they will do that in their way, not mine necessarily. So, what if these other people who seem to be stubbornly resisting noticing and reacting to INFJ pain simply cannot, or cannot do it in our way?
I don't know if I'm really the "come on too strong" type. Forcing intimacy is not my thing. Serving up judgments isn't attractive. Respecting boundaries feels comfortable. But I do believe in reaching out to the hurt because it seems right, I desire that myself, and in experience its appreciated. Yet a desire to not burden others, personal hangups, and a sinister suspicion that no one really cares can keep me from letting the less-adept-at-noticing (but still kind) types around me know when I am in turmoil. And they do want to know. Nobody likes to feel like a chump who can't pay a debt (not that emotional support is debts & credits). They want to feel valuable to me the way I have been valuable to them. In love this isn't an issue, but in friendships it comes up.
I have no interest in chasing someone who doesn't want to be around me. I will not suffer emotional vampires. In the best cases, a beautiful harmony happens when there exists some natural noticing and understanding talent on their part and a willingness to open up and allow myself to need (rather than only be needed) on my part. My upbringing was nomadic and I grew used to the transience of all things and people, some beloved, just falling away. Going through that made me sort of tragically self-reliant in the way SilkRoad described. The idea of floating off into space cold, lonely and unconnected does scare me, but I truly do not think it has to be that way for any of us.
I agree that ENFP friends are so wonderful!