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  1. #61
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I guess my drinking tea took away from her uniqueness in some way...at least in her mind. It seems to be a very slippery slope to create an entire identity based on things that are so precarious, especially because she is a special person for reasons so much more profound than a box of tea.
    Now here's a question - would she love or hate coming to England...?
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  2. #62
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    I think that people of all types can fall into the trap of defining themselves externally (God knows I've been guilty myself) although I do notice that 4's seem to have a long list of small things (rather than a short list of broad things, e.g. money, status, popularity, etc).

    I have a friend who I feel certain is a 4 who drinks tea rather than coffee. I mostly drink coffee, but sometimes enjoy tea in the evening and always have a variety on hand. One day a offered her a cup of tea, telling her of all the flavors I had. She became genuinely despondent and said, "But tea is my thing!" We had a whole conversation about how she felt like drinking tea, dressing artsy, changing the spelling of her (common) name so no one else would have the same name as hers, listening to British punk, etc is what made her different and special (and maybe even "better"). I guess my drinking tea took away from her uniqueness in some way...at least in her mind. It seems to be a very slippery slope to create an entire identity based on things that are so precarious, especially because she is a special person for reasons so much more profound than a box of tea.
    Fascinating.

    I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?"). I once read something about 4s: that they had to be special in some way or an authority on some subject as a way of proving they deserve to be in any given social situation or society in general. In other words they bring something different (and worthy) to the table therefore their existence is warranted. All of which is an attempt to counter our social ineptitude and all those feelings of inadequacy, because in our minds, if you're not either socially adept or 'special' in some way, you're just nothing. Of course, the problem is, as you say, there is always someone else that can do it just as well and disappointment is inevitable. I have experienced this myself.

    Wow. It is depressing talking about this...
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  3. #63
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adasta View Post
    Now here's a question - would she love or hate coming to England...?
    Ahhhh...she IS from England. She moved here when she was 12 and emphasizes some of her British ways as a means of differentiating herself. I'm sure if she moved back to the UK she would emphasize her American ways as a means to differentiate herself there

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Fascinating.

    I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?"). I once read something about 4s: that they had to be special in some way or an authority on some subject as a way of proving they deserve to be in any given social situation or society in general. In other words they bring something different (and worthy) to the table therefore their existence is warranted. All of which is an attempt to counter our social ineptitude and all those feelings of inadequacy, because in our minds, if you're not either socially adept or 'special' in some way, you're just nothing. Of course, the problem is, as you say, there is always someone else that can do it just as well and disappointment is inevitable. I have experienced this myself.

    Wow. It is depressing talking about this...
    I think you have hit the nail on the head. This is exactly what I think is going on.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  4. #64
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    Ahhhh...she IS from England. She moved here when she was 12 and emphasizes some of her British ways as a means of differentiating herself. I'm sure if she moved back to the UK she would emphasize her American ways as a means to differentiate herself there
    Haha that explains everything! It probably doesn't hurt that Americans hold Brits in high esteem most of the time (I don't know why this occurs, but I think it does nonetheless!).
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  5. #65
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I think your friend is an example of someone who's taken that 4 issue too far. Most of us aren't that overt about it and like to pretend that this stuff isn't really going through our heads ("Me? Pretentious?").
    I can't identify with someone who has taken their need to be unique that far either. I can be elitist, but not at the point where I resent others being unique (or sharing similar strengths/interests or whatever). I usually get excited when I meet someone I deem "similar"; I suppose I see it as a sign that I am not "defective".

    I think a 4 downfall is envy, but not jealousy, and the distinction is really important. As a kid, my ENFP best friend was a bit younger & would pull some copycat moves, like you'd do with an older sister, but it didn't bother me. Maybe I'm a 4 whose ego is so inflated I imagine people are copying me because I am oh so special, hahaha .

    My older ESFP sister has shown signs of resentment when someone else shares her "thing" that she thinks separates her from others.... but I've typed her as 7w6, which makes way more sense for her, overall.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #66
    Senior Member Adasta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I can't identify with someone who has taken their need to be unique that far either. I can be elitist, but not at the point where I resent others being unique (or sharing similar strengths/interests or whatever). I usually get excited when I meet someone I deem "similar"; I suppose I see it as a sign that I am not "defective".
    Agreed, although I do prefer meeting someone "similar" who comes from a "different field", so to speak.

    For example, I really enjoy engineering because it seems to bring together abstract maths/physics and manifest it in an aesthetically pleasing way. Also, there is a sort of "magic" to man's interrelation with universal truths such as magnetism, which just seem to exist and no-one really knows why. However, I get totally bored with the minutiae of the field, and totally zone out when it comes down to cogs, sprockets, waveforms, girders and architraves. Therefore, meeting someone who is adept at this aspect means I become more animated, because I realise that this person "bridges" the gap in my own knowledge. I often tend to ask this type of person loads of questions on their subject which is usually good for both, since I get to learn more stuff about what interests me, and the other person gets to talk about his/her love.
    That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
    Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
    Of any world where promises were kept,
    Or one could weep because another wept.

  7. #67
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Increasing your self awareness can alleviate some of this angst you are feeling. If you know yourself, the good, the bad, all of it, you will come to accept and love yourself for who you are, even the "bad" parts. That someone or some group doesn't like you will not faze you as easily, if at all. It's their loss, which might even be your gain.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  8. #68
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    I like to think INFP's are the physical manifestations of the values of society. I also think ENFJ's are looking for or trying to help others be like INFP's, INFJ's try to define those values, and ENFP's try to find those values. If anything people are wondering what does the closest thing to perfection actually do and if they can learn from and emulate it. People learn from us, not the other way around, as we may believe. If we were any more awesome we really would use magic to heal the world, so let's be glad were still human, not superhuman, otherwise we'd be feared or worshipped. We don't want that, now do we

  9. #69
    Member Tyltalis's Avatar
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    I read this and started to cry.

  10. #70
    Member Rosie Drew's Avatar
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    Giggle, as a ENFP I sound more like a INFP here while my INFP friend sounds like a ENFP.
    Everyone loves my INFP but me in real life its like I am a awkward unicorn that others like poking and hunting and trying to got it annoyed. >.<


    You wanted to come fourteen years ago.
    I grew up.
    Don't worry, I'll soon fix that.

    I found this on this forum would love if you clicked it. (: Seems fun.
    http://kevan.org/johari?name=rosiedrew

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