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  1. #21
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    I don't know really.

    It seems to me that INFPs have the qualities people say they value and want to be around but in reality most find those qualities rather dull, if not unsexy. I also think part of the problem is just how much we hold back; it takes work to relate to us, whereas ENFPs are instantly charming. And people often equate our serene demeanour with dullness and lack of personality, which leads them to dismiss us entirely out of hand.
    I agree with this. My SO is an INFP and I adore him and instantly found him intruging...I wanted to know more. On the other hand, I find people who are socially appropraite, charming and who always know just the right right thing to say, well...dull. As a matter-of-fact the night that I met him my friend was trying to set me up with his friend (possible ENFP or something similar), but I liked my sweet INFP He told me I'm probably the only person on the face of the earth who would have picked him over his charming friend However, I suspect this is the exception. Most of my friends don't know what to make of him. I tell them they need to get to know him. They say, "How do you get to know someone who won't talk?" I guess they have a point

    He is selective about who he talks to (sometimes just becuase he's not comfortable) but is wildly interesting when he does really talk. I think that he sometimes feels like he doesn't fit in or that people don't like him. In my observation, it's not that...people just don't know him becuase he keeps his thoughts largely to himself.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  2. #22
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoSunshine View Post
    He is selective about who he talks to (sometimes just becuase he's not comfortable) but is wildly interesting when he does really talk. I think that he sometimes feels like he doesn't fit in or that people don't like him.
    I do that too, but it's not really anything to take personally. With many people I just don't seem to have anything to talk about. Not that I wouldn't like to talk with someone, it's just that I don't see anything I could talk about. It's hard to describe. With some type of people I can chatter about mundane things indefinitely, but with some other type it's like no matter how interesting the subject is, there is something missing in the dynamics...

  3. #23
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    On the flip side, ENFPs aren't taken seriously in their natural state.
    Yeah I was just thinking this in relation to what nolla said. ENFPs can get the frivolous airhead treatment. Its certainly not all rosy to be an ENFP, but it sure seems like it sometimes
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  4. #24
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    ^ i met this enfp at work, she's a customer and my first impression of her was extremely giddy, naive, very energetic, hyper, cute, GIDDY, charming in a slightly socially oblivion way. i immediately typed her as enfp because she's spacey and the way she talks is really full of bubbles and energy. she's like the ultimate enfp. her energy put me off in the beginning but i spoke with her a few times and she's really intelligent and together. she's the manager of human resources at a pretty good size company and she's studying for law school. ultimate enfp. giddy and spacey on the outside, lawyer-to-be on the inside.

  5. #25
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    first of all, i understand the perception. that sucks.

    but. being an ENFP isn't all rainbows and unicorn farts, really.

    sure, people seem to enjoy you, but not without a whole lot of self-consciousness on your part. then you want everything so you can never really be happy with anything for long; you can get a job but don't want to keep it; and yeah, people like interacting with you, but the relationship always ends up being about them, on their terms. ENFPs are chameleons, we blend to match our environments. and sometimes that means... we have no identity. sometimes i feel like, looking at my resume, i don't exist. i'm everything all at once, and paradoxically, therefore... i am nothing.

    be grateful you're a panda. at least you have your self, and that self is interesting and worthwhile enough to merit closer inspection. rather than the dog, who, despite everything she may be, is forever to be defined primarily by her master. and to go against that external definition is to rebel against who i really am. ENFPs cannot be themselves.*



    my point being - we've all got problems. we can't see each others' because we're looking through our own perspective. yeah, life is hard as an NF. life is hard as an NFP. i'm sure life is hard as an INFP. but you know, if it's not one thing, it's another. i might be an ENFP and that might be hard but at least i was raised in a family that loves and supports me. where's that poster i like...



    it's my go-to when i'm having a one-woman pity party. feel free to borrow it.


    *okay, so may be slightly over-dramatized for the sake of argument ;]

  6. #26
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ^ I see what you're saying, but I know that for me, when I am down, such messages are patronizing. They do not comfort me, toughen me up, or wake me up. They just reinforce the feeling of being misunderstood. Everything in that poster is PHYSICAL. It has nothing to do with connecting to other human beings.

    Also, problems are relative. There are things I am used to that people of a higher socio-economic class would struggle to deal with, and things I've struggled to deal with as it was not "normal" to my life & culture. It's not comforting in that moment to know someone else has even less. Sometimes in retrospect it helps to put your life in context of the world, but in that moment, no, it just seems dismissive. When you get into the non-physical realms, it really becomes hard to say who has it worse & who really deserves sympathy (and is it a competition?).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #27
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    I guess it depends on how the message is delivered. Something like "Stop complaining. You're so much luckier than X% of the world population" would certainly set my hackles up.
    It can also seem like a way of consoling myself or making an excuse not to try and improve myself. "It's ok that I only finished 100th in the marathon. At least I'm faster than the other 900 participants" kind of thing.
    It's a fine balance between being content and grateful with what you have, and striving to achieve your ideals. I am very much internally driven, and if I get into the habit of settling for being who I am, I'd just procrastinate the whole day away
    Last edited by William K; 10-20-2010 at 02:49 AM. Reason: Wanted to spell better than 95.4% of TypoC members
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

  8. #28
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    @ OA -

    i wrote out this huge manifesto to you, but i think it was too much. i have boiled it down to these 5 points.

    basically:

    • my intention is not, and was not, and will never be, to dismiss anyone's suffering. my objective is to knock down the idea that "The World vs INFP" perspective is the ultimate reality.

    • i don't dismiss that INFPs suffer. at all. what i do reject is the idea that INFPs suffer more than anyone else. it's also insulting to be told that i don't suffer as much as an ENFP as INFPs do. to be told that i'm commonplace and INFPs are special. who is the INFP to decide that?

    • i like that poster because it reminds me of how many things i have to be grateful for that often seem "invisible" otherwise. not because it shows how much better off i have it than others. not because it adds more suffering to the pile. i'm sorry you don't like it, but i was just offering it as a tool for anyone who may also like it, because it's helpful to me when i am feeling like the world is against me.

    • pointing out others' suffering, including my own as a non-INFP, was, instead, for the sake of demonstrating that the feelings of the rest of the world are missing from "The World vs INFP" hypothesis. i assert that anyone who feels this way decided it for themselves. it is reality only in a personal world. between you and i, it ceases to be true, because i will always be on your side if only because everyone deserves sympathy and support and love. that the world is against INFPs is not an ultimate reality. it may feel like a personal reality, but you have the power to change that personal reality. that's what i'm trying to get at with the poster. it helps me look at things in a different light.

    • maybe that seems like i don't really care, but the truth is, i care a lot. still, i'm not going to support anyone who believes reality is "The World vs INFP", in particular because i am special too and i have deep sufferings too, and to support the idea of The World vs INFP would be to reject the truth of my own individuality and pain. being a Fi dom may mean you have the most mastery over the subjective internal realm, and that you feel emotions in a deeper and more nuanced way than everyone else, but it does not make your pain any more real than anyone else's. and the fact that INFPs feel deeply does not make the rest of our suffering any lesser in comparison. it is only "The World vs INFP" if you happen to be an INFP. otherwise it is "The World vs ENFP", or "The World vs Women", or "The World vs [any other group you identify with]". essentially, it is always going to be "The World vs Me", because you are limited to your own perspective, and it injurious to both oneself and others to mistake that perspective - that personal reality - for reality in the external world.


    that's all that i wanted to get at. it wasn't meant to be hurtful or dismissive. i do apologize that it came off that way. it was, however, meant to knock down the pedestal implied in the thread title. i'll always support an underdog, but the person claiming to suffer more than anyone else isn't one by virtue of that very claim. it's a very strange crown that person wears, but it is a crown nonetheless. and, moreover, i don't think this has much to do with being an INFP. it sounds a whole lot more like e4.

    so as an answer to the OP, once and for all, i cast my vote and present my evidence that it is not The World vs INFP - and voice my opinion that whether it is or not has absolutely no bearing on the depth or significance of your suffering.
    Last edited by skylights; 10-21-2010 at 11:31 AM.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    ENFPs are chameleons, we blend to match our environments. and sometimes that means... we have no identity. sometimes i feel like, looking at my resume, i don't exist. i'm everything all at once, and paradoxically, therefore... i am nothing.

    be grateful you're a panda. at least you have your self, and that self is interesting and worthwhile enough to merit closer inspection. rather than the dog, who, despite everything she may be, is forever to be defined primarily by her master. and to go against that external definition is to rebel against who i really am. ENFPs cannot be themselves.*
    I think this is true. It can be painful to always need other people, to be seeking external confirmation, external approval, and yes there's a self-consciousness that goes along with it. I think things like this is why I always come back to enfp as my type, because I relate to this particular weakness so much.



    it's my go-to when i'm having a one-woman pity party. feel free to borrow it.


    *okay, so may be slightly over-dramatized for the sake of argument ;]
    I like your poster.

  10. #30
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    Somehow I'm reminded of this post in another "Woe is me"-type INFP Thread
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...l=1#post826457

    Edit : That whole thread is actually a quite interesting read. OA has several good posts.
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

    appreciates being appreciated, conflicted over conflicts, afraid of being afraid, bad at being bad, predictably unpredictable, consistently inconsistent, remarkably unremarkable...

    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

    The whole problem with the world is that fools & fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. ~ Bertrand Russell

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