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  1. #1
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Default I get so tired of second-guessing everything...

    ...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

    It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

    I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?
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  2. #2
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    I have the perfect solution for this.

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8"]Not giving a fuck[/YOUTUBE]

  3. #3
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SecondBest View Post
    I have the perfect solution for this.

    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8"]Not giving a fuck[/YOUTUBE]


    Still doesn't quite solve my problem though. NFs are bad at not giving a...
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  4. #4
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    I used to second-guess alot.

    I still do it, only less often.

    I was spending time with a close friend of mine and she mentioned if I prefer to live in the past with all that analyzing going on in my head because,"What has been done is done", she said. Of course, I choose not to live in the past. It takes practice to let it all go and once you get there it feels liberating.

  5. #5
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ilovelurking View Post
    I used to second-guess alot.

    I still do it, only less often.

    I was spending time with a close friend of mine and she mentioned if I prefer to live in the past with all that analyzing going on in my head because,"What has been done is done", she said. Of course, I choose not to live in the past. It takes practice to let it all go and once you get there it feels liberating.
    Yeah. I think I am a bit better than I used to be. The trouble is, I often start to let go only at the point where I have exhausted myself by too much not-letting-go. It's when I get to a "ohhhhhh...I'm just too tired and fed up with this to worry about it any more" stage. I would rather let go a bit more before I get to that stage!!

    Mind you, I have no trouble at all letting a lot of things go. But the things that I do have trouble letting go...oh man!
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  6. #6
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    ...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

    It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

    I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?
    One thing you can be fairly certain of my dear 6w5 twin ( ) is that you can't change anything in the past. That's pretty much my mantra nowadays, because within milliseconds I will find myself down this same path you describe. I resort to calling myself all sorts of dumbasses, and thinking "if I hadn't done this 7 years ago, I wouldn't be in this mess right now".

    I don't know how I turned off the switch honestly, or if I even have. I think the more I focus on what's happening right in front of me, and right at this second, the less I think about how I screwed up 10 years ago. It takes a LOT of effort I tell you.

    Sometimes I think I am addicted to rehashing and dissecting the past (negativity), but I think it's more of, "I don't ever want to do this same shit again and I want to be aware of all angles I missed the first time around."

    But it is a relief to see something I did wrong, and just say, "Well, I won't do that again because the result sucked." and don't think about it again, but still have the awareness, or imprint, in my mind that allows me to be aware of the past but not necessarily living it.

    forgive this garble.... lol

  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    I think MBTI Ps are more prone to second guess than Js. Well INTPs anyway. It seems to be a big difference between INTPs and INTJs. The former tend to doubt their decisions and the latter rarely revisits then and is confident.
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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    you can't change anything in the past.
    THIS. Learning this is probably the most valuable thing i have done in recent years.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quay View Post
    Sometimes I think I am addicted to rehashing and dissecting the past (negativity), but I think it's more of, "I don't ever want to do this same shit again and I want to be aware of all angles I missed the first time around."

    But it is a relief to see something I did wrong, and just say, "Well, I won't do that again because the result sucked." and don't think about it again, but still have the awareness, or imprint, in my mind that allows me to be aware of the past but not necessarily living it.
    I think that as long as you take something from an experience, be it good or bad, that you LEARN from it, it can't be a bad thing. "Always a lesson, never a mistake" is kind of my mantra, and believe me, i've f*cked up royally in the past, but it all makes up who i am, as a whole.

    Every sh*tty experience or wrong move, or mistake you make just gives you another thing to chalk up to experience.

    Letting go and looking at things objectively, no matter how hard it is or how long it takes to actually get some emotional distance to be even ABLE to be objective is a huge part of it i think.

    I regret very little in my life, and the one or two things that i do, i have made amends for.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  9. #9
    78% me Eruca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    ...Well, maybe not everything... But whenever I make decisions that don't turn out the best or have painful consequences for me and/or someone else, it seems like the second-guessing will go on for weeks, months, years... I always think "if I'd done that differently/better, maybe things wouldn't have worked out this way.." etc etc etc.

    It's absolutely exhausting. I don't know how to switch it off. Anyone?

    I suppose it may really be more of an enneagram 6 (fairly sure that's my type) thing than an NF thing...?
    How to be a pessimist or optimist: A handy thought guide.

    Pessimism
    Something bad happens: This will effect me for a long time, This will negatively effect other areas of my life, This was my fault
    Something good happens: This will only make me happier for while, This is not likely to positvely effect other areas of my life, I got lucky

    Optimism
    Something bad happens: This will only effect me for a short while, This wont have an impact on the rest of my life, Other forces were at play
    Something good happens: This event will brighten up my life, This even will effect other areas of my life, This event was a deserved result of my efforts.

    GL ;D
    I hope I'm wrong, but I believe that he is a fraud, and I think despite all of his rhetoric about being a champion of the working class, it will turn out to be hollow -- Bernie Sanders on Trump

  10. #10
    Senior Member mochajava's Avatar
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    Nancynobullets How to be a pessimist or optimist: A handy thought guide.

    Pessimism
    Something bad happens: This will effect me for a long time, This will negatively effect other areas of my life, This was my fault
    Something good happens: This will only make me happier for while, This is not likely to positvely effect other areas of my life, I got lucky

    Optimism
    Something bad happens: This will only effect me for a short while, This wont have an impact on the rest of my life, Other forces were at play
    Something good happens: This event will brighten up my life, This even will effect other areas of my life, This event was a deserved result of my efforts.
    Whoa. Wow. I didn't know I was such a pessimist... This was informative .

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