User Tag List

Results 1 to 10 of 10

  1. #1
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default NFPs and decision-making

    Dear NFPs, ENFPs in particular:

    I suck at making decisions.

    It's hallmark Ne to be able to see 5,000 potential paths and their good and bad points, but not to know which one is best for me.

    I'm at a place now where I need to make a BIG decision - my career path decision - and I'm pretty at a loss. I research research research and I'm still not getting much of anywhere. My fear is that I'll choose something, pour money into it, and then not be good at it/ not like it.

    The problem is, I don't see a huge correlation between my decisions and their consequences. Sometimes I make a "heart" decision and it makes me unhappy, and sometimes I make a "head" decision and it makes me unhappy. Sometimes I choose something completely random and it's perfect. But it can't just be completely up to me to choose if I like it... can it?

    Do you guys experience a similar problem making decisions?
    If so, how do you deal with it?

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    This is a hard situation & I have been there before....when I went to buy a couch, I became obsessed with finding the perfect couch. This meant endless searching on the internet & visits to furniture stores. Then I got so tired of looking (& especially of not having anywhere to sit) that I just bought a cheap couch that met some of my very basic requirements (ie. small for my apartment, not ugly).

    I get into this mode because in the past it has worked for me to hold off until a new possibility comes along that meets all of my criteria; but really, it mainly just evokes the right "feeling". Often, I never regret those decisions; I got just what I wanted. Other times, I wait so long I miss good opportunities and get fed up with myself & end up taking the path of least resistance (which is pretty much what I did with the couch, although I can't say it was a bad decision in the long run).

    My problem is I have too much concrete criteria sometimes (so nothing is acceptable); this is probably because I'm creating external standards based on what makes logical sense, yet it's not connected enough to any value feeling. A lot of times, I feel confined by standards I feel have been set for me (ie. money or family obligations).

    That kind of mind set throws me for a loop; without any personal value attached, it's just this cold, calculated decision making that will leave me with a nagging sense of doubt. So I turn down what makes sense & keep searching for something to stir a feeling, without knowing what that feeling really is. If I started with what is really most important to me, then I might not get stuck on those details; the feeling would be clear in my mind & that would be the focus. The detailed external criteria creates a narrow ideal that nothing in reality fills & it spurs the search instead of leading to a decision. However, there may be more than one "right" option based on my broad feeling value, so at a certain point, I just go with what I like best. I stop over-thinking it, basically....
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Right there with y'all. This is why I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  4. #4
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    I know it's going to be a good decision, when thinking of a particular course of action doesn't incite trepidation inside.

  5. #5
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    xNFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    1,395

    Default

    Stop thinking and just do. You're probably still young and can get away with a few career changes so who cares if you screw up at first so do most other people. At my last job I found out all the older people I worked with had made at least one major career change, whether from Human Resources to Biological Sciences or News Anchor to Veterinarian Technician.

    People who are afraid to make the wrong decision end up making none, which is the crappiest decision in and of itself. Hurry up and make some mistakes so you can get your answers!

    Also, give us more details and perhaps we can give you more solid helpful advice.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4sop
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,505

    Default

    I tell myself that eventually I am going to have to make a decision and I can't be stuck in limbo wasting time. Eventually I am going to have to choose. It's much better to choose, to experience, to live and not waste time.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    589

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Stop thinking and just do. You're probably still young and can get away with a few career changes so who cares if you screw up at first so do most other people. At my last job I found out all the older people I worked with had made at least one major career change, whether from Human Resources to Biological Sciences or News Anchor to Veterinarian Technician.

    People who are afraid to make the wrong decision end up making none, which is the crappiest decision in and of itself. Hurry up and make some mistakes so you can get your answers!

    Also, give us more details and perhaps we can give you more solid helpful advice.
    This. You have to break the habit.
    I'm trying to break the habit, too.

    NFP can really make a person look chickenshit. ...
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  8. #8
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    I have very little problem following my heart to tell me what is right for me. But my head has to assist me with the timing and the details, of course.

    Usually, it begins with something I have a strong Fi preference for i.e. a place I love, a person I love, a subject I love, what I want for my life. OF COURSE. I would hope that this part goes without saying, because if you're trying too hard to buck against this, then that may be part of your trouble. Following what other people think you should do is never going to make you happy.

    However, you can't be completely impractical. If you're going to make a huge leap into the unknown, you have to be a survivor, and you have to know how to use your Ne/Te/Si to get to what your Fi wants.

    I am going to echo the people who say they still don't know what they want to be when they grow up...then again, career hasn't seemed to take precedence to me. I have gone for things I knew I wanted.

    Like I wanted to live in certain cities - and I made that possible for myself. I wanted freedom - and I chose jobs and lifestyles that gave me a certain freedom that I wouldn't have had otherwise. I gave a relationship strong priority over other things for several years, and that's what I wanted, and I'm totally okay with that and consider it time well spent and something I've grown from. Then I wanted to go to college, and so I had to move back in with my mom in order to do it...but I did it.

    Then I realized I had no idea wtf I was killing myself in school for anymore and I had always wanted to go back to California...so I did. It's helped me also to take a break from school to reassess what I even want to do there when I go back.

    I think the biggest mistake I ever made was thinking I had to choose ONE BIG CAREER FOR MY LIFE BY A CERTAIN AGE. Because in truth, that's not what I really wanted. I've done basically what I've wanted to do with my life, within reason, when it came down to what I really want...I've kind of always done it. Of course reality puts limits on what's possible, but I've Ne'd my way through life so far and somehow I've made it work. It takes a certain flexibility and sense of compromise and ingenuity to live the life I've lived though.

    So, no, I can't tell you how to decide what your ultimate career should be. But that's a brief summary of how I've made decisions in my life, for whatever it's worth.

    I want to add here that I think it always helps ENFPs to talk through things with other people and write things out, even if you have multiple conversations and just seem to be writing and writing and writing...I believe it's how we process the best.

  9. #9
    meinmeinmein! mmhmm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    2,300

    Default

    the only time i feel lost. is when i stop listening to myself.
    the road to hell. is paved with. good intentions.
    every normal man must be tempted, at times,
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
    and begin slitting throats.
    h.l. mencken

  10. #10
    Senior Member HotpinkHeatwave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Posts
    382

    Default

    I am absolutely HORRIBLE when it comes to making decisions, unless it is something I feel very strongly about.

    I'll go to the store and grab something I think I really want/need, and then ten minutes later, put it back. And then, I'll freak out right before I go to check out, because I realize I really did want that item.. And then on the way home, I'll reconsider.

    In situations where people are depending on me to make a decision (ex: hanging out with friends, and they want me to decide what to do), I have an especially hard time. That's when my spontaneity kicks in, and sometimes it helps.

    Usually, my response to making a hard decision is, "I don't know, and I don't care."

Similar Threads

  1. Personality Inventory: Studies in Judgment and Decision Making
    By Sparrow in forum Online Personality Tests
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 09-12-2010, 05:28 PM
  2. type and decision-making
    By maerzhase in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-03-2009, 11:51 AM
  3. Decision-Making Functions and Sex ID
    By Janae in forum Online Personality Tests
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-11-2009, 08:57 PM
  4. [MBTItm] NFs and Decision Making
    By PinkIceTD in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 12-08-2008, 06:06 PM
  5. [NT] INTJs (or NTs) and decision-making
    By sophiedoph in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 09-01-2008, 07:47 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO