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  1. #1
    Senior Member Blown Ghost's Avatar
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    Default emotional coping strategies

    I don't know if this personnel (not personal) issue is related to NFs, but I'm taking a wild guess and saying it probably is.

    It seems like lots of people are trapped in some emotional state or another and because they believe it is oh-so-complicated and nobody could understand, they limit themselves to the emotional coping strategy equivalent of digging yourself out of prison with this:



    What concerns me is that I think these people are going to suffer from their emotional inhibitions for most of their life because they simply won't try something different.

    They're usually so concerned about something that they don't realize it's something VERY SIMPLE they don't want to admit for some silly reason or another. What's worse is they seek each other out for support and wallow in their problems as a group, confirming that everything is good (because we're all in this together!) when clearly they are not.

    From the outside, I can't help but think they just need to take a break from things and see that we can all be summed up to a simple, single, whole consciousness (individually, of course) and the emotions involved can be dealt with easily this way:



    So what gives? Do these kind of people just like to suffer or do they really think these issues are so devastatingly complicated?

  2. #2
    Senor Membrane
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    I think they are usually just too lazy or busy to focus on the problem.

    But then again, none of these problems are that easy to solve. Say, someone has social anxiety. You tell them to go out there. That is the simple solution but that doesn't get them anywhere since it feels horrible to go out there. The problem is engraved in their mind and distorts their view, making the problem seem even bigger, making themselves feel incapable solving it. It's not that they need to adjust their behavior only, they also need to adjust their thoughts.

  3. #3
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    I don't understand what makes this an -NF problem. Nothing you wrote sounded specific to Sensing or Intuition. It doesn't sound like Fi processing (they don't do groups). I really don't think this is a type thing.

    People can be stupid. Sometimes people like that feeling of doom and apocalypse, because it's intense and makes them feel more alive... so they manufacture it whenever they can. There isn't much you can do about it other than asking them questions designed to make them rethink their issues and put them in perspective.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  4. #4
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    I cope by making sure each emotion I feel teaches me something about myself, and hopefully others.

  5. #5
    Senior Member angelhair45's Avatar
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    It sounds like you are describing the ever-undefinable "loop" or "shadow". I can't really respond to much else because they way you described it was just so "off" compared to what actually happens when I get stuck in in and emotional state (as you put it).
    Last edited by angelhair45; 10-06-2010 at 12:13 PM. Reason: bad grammar
    http://bohemianextrovert.wordpress.com/
    Please excuse the long drawn out ramble above.
    I have to hear what I've said before I know what I think.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    I think they are usually just too lazy or busy to focus on the problem.

    But then again, none of these problems are that easy to solve. Say, someone has social anxiety. You tell them to go out there. That is the simple solution but that doesn't get them anywhere since it feels horrible to go out there. The problem is engraved in their mind and distorts their view, making the problem seem even bigger, making themselves feel incapable solving it. It's not that they need to adjust their behavior only, they also need to adjust their thoughts.
    Couldn't have said it better. Emotional coping is not dependent on external stimuli and decisions. It's dependent on the way you approach things in your mind.

    It's hard, and it takes time because you have to THINK about it a lot. You have to arrive to a conclusion. Who cares about ACTING when the problem was merely bypassed temporarily and the issue still lies within?

  7. #7
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moiety View Post
    Who cares about ACTING when the problem was merely bypassed temporarily and the issue still lies within?
    yep.

    changing one's external circumstances is drastically more simple than changing one's internal paradigm.

    plus sometimes you have no control over the root of the issue. the day after my uncle died (very recently - like a month ago), it was hot and sunny and yet the day to me felt dark and dreary because something was wrong inside. and yes, diving into external stuff helped me get out of that funk and see the sun again, but it couldn't completely resolve the fact that i would never see someone i really loved on this earth - or maybe ever - again. it doesn't have much to do with "wah i'm so COMPLICATED" or wanting to wallow. i'm really not a fan of hanging out in negative emotion. it had more to do with life being a bitch sometimes, but the realization that ignoring your problems (or... bulldozing them over?) isn't going to fix everything. if you're not careful, you'll just end up repressing and postponing pain.

    i'm kind of curious as to the motive for your post though. it's altruistic on the surface but the tone is a bit... well... not very altruistic. if i had to guess it sounds like you're annoyed with some NF(s) for their angst. is this something specific you're dealing with?

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    it doesn't have much to do with "wah i'm so COMPLICATED" or wanting to wallow. i'm really not a fan of hanging out in negative emotion. it had more to do with life being a bitch sometimes, but the realization that ignoring your problems (or... bulldozing them over?) isn't going to fix everything. if you're not careful, you'll just end up repressing and postponing pain.
    THIS.

    I'd also like to mention that I've witnessed T's stuck in bad emotional coping strategies and that's it's definitely not an NF thing, or even an F thing. T's can totally get stuck in emotional retard loops and just flat out deny what's going on, and take it out on other people. Lots of people with drinking problems and drug problems or sex addiction have emotional coping problems, and that certainly isn't limited to Fs. Same with violence - it's not an F or T thing.

    The only way to break bad emotional coping strategies is to actually face what's going on and examine your own behavior and talk about it...in short, therapy or self-help is the only way to break the cycle, because I'd guess that the vast majority of people learned some kind of fucked up dysfunctional coping skill from their parents...and they did from their parents before them...and so forth...and so on.

    I read in a book the other day three mature ways to cope with anger:

    1) Stop thinking about it until you are calm and rational enough to reason out the situation instead of acting out.

    2) Do physical exercise to get rid of the emotional state.

    3) Keep a sense of humor about life.

    A lot of times people with developed Te will get frustrated when people who don't have developed Te won't just do something to change their circumstances. I'm a fan of changing circumstances in a big way. But sometimes what's really wrong is inside the person, and is going to have to be dealt with sooner or later.

  9. #9
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    People just like to hear "Your problems are so bad! You have every right to be upset!" more than "Get off your lazy ass and do something about it!"

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Random Ness View Post
    People just like to hear "Your problems are so bad! You have every right to be upset!" more than "Get off your lazy ass and do something about it!"
    Yeah people want love, affection, and acceptance. Goddamn them.

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