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  1. #21
    Junior Member Chill's Avatar
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    nolla: Hmm... it's hard to tell without knowing any specifics... but if they are not going to ruin the rest of their lives with it or something, then it should be ok to try and keep discrete about advices. Maybe the question is, can you live with the fact that things do happen and you didn't do anything to stop it? And are the people you are talking about going to tolerate you telling them what to do? There are risks either way, I guess...
    Eckhart: I don't know, do I really know so much about other people? ^^

    Nah, I just keep things for myself. If someone wishes my opinion, then he will get it, otherwise I won't force myself on someone usually. When I was younger I might have had a bit more problems with it.
    nanook: it also makes a difference who you are. if you are your ego, you are not the wisdom. people want the wisdom but they feel your ego shoving it into their faces .... and that causes their ego to react, instead of causing their wisdom to take in yours. this problem can't be solved by handling, it requires a much deeper letting go.
    Before reading these^^^, I thought to myself, "I'm too drained to even talk about it anymore."

    After reading, I thought, "Law of attraction". Your words have just given me justification for a closure on this issue.

    On both occasions, a close friend was and has been involved. Different people. Both occasions, they're dating total jerks, so darn clear to me, but oh not so much to them. I literally witness their minds being manipulated and it's so irksome and frustrating cos I see the whole thing as if I'm a hardcore fan of their soaps! I have very valid reasons to call them jerks. The truth kept chasing after me, filling me with worries and making me feel as if I have a duty to fulfill.

    The first was 2 and a half years ago, I took a drastic action, long story short, we're almost good again - but only after 2 and a half years!

    The most recent one, learned from the first, taking a non-violent approach which seems to mean my pulling off a 'don't know, don't care' stunt, don't know what will happen, as I said, don't know, don't care, though still always wondering if I'm making the right move.

    You guys are right. I have to mind my own business, partly because I'm exhausted, but mostly because this time I intuit less favourable results relative to the energy expended.

    My brain wants to rest now, my soul yearns for peace, I shall take heed and just be, just be.

    I'm off to piggy wonderland! Goodnight!

  2. #22
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    When I sense my Ne arrogance lurking I think "what would an ENFJ do"? And then proceed.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    When I sense my Ne arrogance lurking I think "what would an ENFJ do"? And then proceed.
    I go with INFJ, because ENFJs can come across as bossier or more presumptious themselves.

    INFJs - at least mature ones - seem to have marvelous tact and have the ability to lead by example rather than preaching (ENFJ) or confrontation (ENFP) or whatever it is that you INFPs do...I honestly didn't realize this was much of a problem for INFPs, unless their own values had been stepped on.

  4. #24
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
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    Ask questions that will lead the person to their own conclusion. If you get answers you don't expect, believe it becuase you probably don't know quite as much as you think you do. If the person doesn't want to talk about it, let it go and let them find their own way.

    Sincerly,
    Recovering "Preachy" ENFJ
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
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    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  5. #25
    Senior Member Vamp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    simple, pretend i know nothing and let them figure it out. and I usually do know nothing, so it works on two levels.
    I'm not infp but this is what I do with one slight variation I ask seemingly inane questions to hint at what I think they're over looking. If you appeal to logic, you can open them up a bit.

    But sine I'm not an infp I can be aggressive, self righteous etc., but I don't like unloading that on people so I try to be as tight lipped as I can be.
    George Bernard Shaw in cartoon form.

  6. #26
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chill View Post
    On both occasions, a close friend was and has been involved. Different people. Both occasions, they're dating total jerks, so darn clear to me, but oh not so much to them. I literally witness their minds being manipulated and it's so irksome and frustrating cos I see the whole thing as if I'm a hardcore fan of their soaps! I have very valid reasons to call them jerks. The truth kept chasing after me, filling me with worries and making me feel as if I have a duty to fulfill.
    I guess that's the usual scenario. Unfortunately the chances are that you won't be able to convince them leaving the relationship, and if you try too hard they will drop you instead. But, you can think of it another way around. They will probably need you when they see that there's something wrong. Personally, I tend to stand back as long as it doesn't get dangerous, but frankly I think that they can sense me disapproving it. The douches usually keep their distance from me... which is kinda funny since I really am not actively trying to make them uncomfortable.

  7. #27
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    haha this thread sounds so pretentious.

    i get it though. sometimes people are dumb and/or in denial. and/or desperately trying to hide something that's obvious. but still, if they haven't gone through the journey of obtaining that knowledge firsthand, maybe they'll "know" it after you tell them, but they won't understand it. they'll be left with lingering suspicions and doubts. and maybe you really don't have a full idea of what's going on and are just going to set everyone wrong.

    basically i think all you can do is use that knowledge to prepare yourself to help that person where they're going to need help. to be honest, it's our individual prerogative to see and understand and "own" our individual strengths and weaknesses, and they're not others' to interfere in or interpret. might as well spend any leftover energy not dedicated to helping out that other person where you can to self improvement instead.

  8. #28
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    I don't really handle it because I don't know so much.

    I really don't think I know anymore than the next person, and a lot of times, I know less. Sometimes what I think I know is way off mark in reality.
    Last edited by TheEmeraldCanopy; 10-19-2010 at 07:44 PM.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  9. #29
    Senior Member Einnas's Avatar
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    I tend not to know things.
    I know of rubbish. like Celebrity gossip. I know who was in that movie with those actors. Unuseful!
    "...Have you fallen in love with the wrong person yet?"
    Jace said, "Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself."
    "At least," she said, "you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland"
    "Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting"

    - The City Of Bones

    Here is my blog where I post my thoughts and feelings. Please have a go and comment if you like.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by Einnas View Post
    I tend not to know things.
    I know of rubbish. like Celebrity gossip. I know who was in that movie with those actors. Unuseful!
    I know what you mean.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

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