User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 19 of 19

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    180

    Default

    I can only speak from my experience, even though I'm only 26.

    I had 3 short relationships that only lasted for a few months, each. My first ex was when I was 23. (Yeah, I started dating late.) I feel that I dated because I felt a void and that it would be nice to have someone to spend alot of time with.

    My 2nd and 3rd ex were from interests that I enjoy. The 2nd one was someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with but it turned out that he was taken. The 3rd had to go back to his home country and I have no intention of moving to the otherside of the world within such a short time in our relationship.

    I am currently dating. So this is my 4th relationship. This is with someone who had been watching from the sidelines while I was dating the 2nd and the 3rd.

    I seem to be dating alot in such a short time for an INFJ, eh? Maybe I'm lucky and with this current relationship, I wasn't in the mode of searching for anyone. I thought I'll be contented just by being single.

    I don't know if I helped but maybe from what you have read could give you some insight.

  2. #12
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    2,631

    Default

    I'm 26 -- so I don't have a lot of experience regarding relationships.

    One thing I always felt, though, is that I have a hard time finding people I can connect with. It's always been like this. I believe that love comes naturally -- you can't really go looking for it. It's better to be single and content than to be in a 'forced' relationship just because you think you should have a relationship.

    The old saying is true: love comes when you're NOT looking. I think it is best to just enjoy being single and focus on your life for now. Don't completely shut off your opportunities but I don't think you need to actively go searching for it either
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  3. #13
    Senior Member Virulence's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    149

    Default

    I am not very good at interpersonal love. I don't get along well with my family and I've had a lot of trouble with the few relationships I've attempted.

    I do, however, find myself with a constant love for artistic things. Music, books, movies, games, etc. I also feel I need to have a sense of fire and passion for something I'm doing at any given time, whether it's day to day work or a vision for my future that I'm moving toward. I feel all kinds of messed up on days when I just don't feel it.
    I believe in make believe.

  4. #14
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    256

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kccrush View Post
    I'm a 37 year old INFJ. I've had love but lost it. Now I'm practically two years out of my last serious relationship and I still haven't met anyone new. I dated someone for several months, but it wasn't true love, so it doesn't really count in my mind. I don't think I'm good at finding love either because I'm fairly introverted, enjoy my usual routine, and avoid big groups and events with lots of people And if I go to one, I tend to just stay alone and act, well, like a typical INFJ

    I feel like I appreciate love and the potential that intimate relationships offer more than anyone I know. I love the idea of love. I think about it and write about it often. Yet, searching for love seems like an illusive, non-gratifying act. Although I'm not in a relationship, I lead a really happy full life now and feel complete, and I don't think I'd be happy "searching" for love if it meant I would have less time to do the current activities I so enjoy.

    I'm not sure how to address this - or even if it needs addressing. Does anyone have a similar situation? How did you fix it? Is it even possible to fix it?
    To the bolded part: this says to me that you have mixed feelings about "searching" for love. I've never, even when I was much younger, searched for love. In my experience, it comes to you when you do the things you love. I always felt (and I really don't know why) that to "search" is to look for something outside yourself to complete you, when what you need to do is to look within. When you do that, follow your own path and love, then you suddenly might find that love finds you and an individual that changes your life.

  5. #15
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I don't see anything wrong with actively looking for a partner if you want one. I also don't think there is anything wrong with not looking for one if it's not something that's important to you.

    I think I am happier with my partner than I would be if I was single, but I have observed many relationships where that did not seem to be the case. I am pretty sure I would much rather be single that be in a less than happy relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and if it isn't a good one, it's better to be able to do what you want with your time and energy.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    256

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't see anything wrong with actively looking for a partner if you want one. I also don't think there is anything wrong with not looking for one if it's not something that's important to you.

    I think I am happier with my partner than I would be if I was single, but I have observed many relationships where that did not seem to be the case. I am pretty sure I would much rather be single that be in a less than happy relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and if it isn't a good one, it's better to be able to do what you want with your time and energy.

  7. #17
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kccrush View Post
    I guess the reason why I made the statement about appreciating love more than most people I know was just to demonstrate how seriously I take it. I'm not the kind of person who needs to always be dating, but when I do date, I try to demonstrate my love and affection, etc. Anyways, to Arclight's point, I suppose there are many ways to demonstrate appreciation for love.

    Alas, I just am curious if there comes a point where you need to say to yourself, "I'm going to be happy without love but open to the idea of it." I live in San Francisco, and it's completely acceptable to be any which way in the universe. So this is just about internal pressure I'm putting on myself. That's why I was interested in hearing from other INFJs. Thanks everyone (even the non INFJs) for answering.
    I am learning in class as I am typing this.. that up to 95% of communication is non verbal. So if I take your words literally.. I make my conclusions. Perhaps if I could read your body language or see your facial expression I might not be so judgmental about your actual words.. My apologies

  8. #18
    Member kccrush's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    54

    Default

    Thanks Arclight. I also think that I made that statement subconsciously because my friends and past gf's have conditioned me to believe in myself in this way. At least for someone my age (eg in my 30's so I've been around the block , I am told, I have an unwavering belief in the goodness of romantic love. A lot of my friends who have lost hope always comment to me that they like hearing me wax poetic about it because I am perhaps too much in love with an ideal of love as complete and forgiving and flexible, but still unwavering with support and kindness. So, given all this, people have been asking me when I'm going to seek out someone new. And my answer (that I'm happy alone for now) seems to confound some, which has me asking myself if I'm not confusing my needs. Anyhow, at the end of the day, I should be grateful for my happiness, and not overly worry about things that don't need it. Thanks for writing again.

  9. #19
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    255

    Default

    I am 27, and have been in one long relationship so far. Before that, I was somehow desperate, I have to confess, because I saw "love" as an ideal I'd have to "achieve"...sounds strange, because ideal generally implies that you cannot achieve it ... I don't know, this sounds embarrassing, but I somehow thought that being in a loving relationship would make my life complete, make me feel complete. Aaargh, I know how silly that sounds. However, having been in a relationship made me see this thing far more realistic. Meaning, this relationship, and I really loved that man, and had the worst time in life when he left, I can guarantee that, made me see that my life does not suddenly become "perfect" when I am in a relationship with someone I love. I cannot free myself from wanting to "find love" again even at this point in my life, but...somehow... I have come to find that you cannot find it. You can just be open to new people when you meet them, but...well...actively "searching" does not help very much...this is my experience. I have come to think that love cannot be "commanded", she/he/it simply appears, even often when you least expect it.... and maybe even involving people you have never expected. I think the only think one can do is to be open to new people....Not always and not necessarily to all people....I just mean that staying in you flat for the rest of your lifetime will make it harder for love to "find you" (how stupid this may sound). I have often been criticizing myself for being too shy at parties, to inhibited to talk to people etc.etc. But, recently, at a party, I met someone (just at the party, never seen again) who I felt liked me the way I am. Sounds stupid, but....I just realized that there are people who can see the potential in you, and will see that, even if you appear shy, say little, maybe even not very funny/intelligent/etc. things...... don't know, this sounds silly, but it somehow showed me that it also depends on the people you meet to realize what a great person you are. And I have come to see that this happens through body language, little gestures etc., but that conversation is not even the biggest part of it. I don't know if you understand what I mean by this..... it has a lot to do with being happy with yourself, loving yourself, however stupid that sounds, with knowing that you are absolutely great the way you are. I am confident that you will meet people who will see how wonderful you are, and that this does not really depend on an "active search"...... all you can do is not stay in you flat for the rest of life, but do not force you to do things that you feel uncomfortable with. the "right" people (I do not mean that there is one perfect person, but that there are several people who WILL see your potential, and who WILL be able to connect with you on a deeper level) will spot you . I don't even know how I can be this positive, because I really had the hardest time in my life in the last 6 months...but.... I actually do mean what I say....even though it might sound esoteric or whatever..... I am somehow convinced of it at the moment. And yes, I am an INFJ who usually always sees the worst in the things to come, and who actually believed would die alone ...and probably will....and probably will despair about that later on....but.... I really meant it at this moment. Sorry for this long post. All the best best best to my fellow INFJ.

Similar Threads

  1. [NF] Not being NF is not enough of an excuse
    By SilkRoad in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 97
    Last Post: 12-24-2010, 07:45 PM
  2. [ENFJ] Judging who is good for you and who is not
    By lasdf23 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 03-18-2010, 12:31 PM
  3. What is possible and what is not
    By Gauche in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 06:32 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO