[Fi] Lack of subtlety in terms of affection...

[copperfish17]

Yay or nay?

And why?

 

[Glycerine]

no. I suck at being affectionate.... my XSTJ brother is much more affectionate.
Someone: I love you!!!
Me: uhhhh... I love you too???
I'm more of a cat. I guess I like showing my affection through doing for things for others that I KNOW they would like. In that sense, I'm very subtle and would get along great with the "stereotypical non-emotionality of NT's" that some other NFs complain about.

 

[Trentham]

Heh.

Why? Because when I'm into someone, and they're into me, I can't get enough of them. Incidentally, I don't go around hugging random people or anything like that, quite the opposite. It's like, I reserve all my affection for my S.O., so much so that I sometimes overdo it.

I've learned over the years to literally force myself into being less affectionate in relationships. It can be tough to strike a balance between too much and not enough.

 

[kccrush]

What do you mean by lack of subletly? Do you mean the inability to show you love someone without being obvious? When I love someone, I am very good and deliberate about demonstrating it. In fact, I think I would prefer to be more subtle, such as getting someone a drink rather than standing next to them and holding their hand. I think that be demonstrative has its place, but being subtle is a well-won art form.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I usually prefer subtlety, or maybe "indirect" is a better phrase. I think there are ways to say "I like/love you" without literally saying that. I appreciate creative compliments and expression of affection most.

In public, I especially appreciate subtlety and discretion.

 

[Tabula]

To engender affectionate feelings in me is not something that happens often, nor quickly, at all. By the time they're there, and if the feeling is a mutual one (which, if the time it took to garner them is any indication, I doubt they'd have stuck around if it weren't the case,) I do then have difficulty with restraint. Not so much in the way of DROWNING him/her in hugs/kisses/etc., but of wanting to be around him/her constantly, do things for him/her, just...be near him/her. It's as if every ounce of potential affection I could ever have is directed at this one person, and because it never happens, I just can't be subtle about it--like the proverbial floodgates have opened--it's very childish. I've had to sit down and consciously think about a suitable approach, should I ever find a "victim" of my affections, and chiefly, because if I were on the other end of this, I'd HATE it!

Had this been asked when in my teens, however, and if I had had any real relationships in that time, I definitely had the potential to be a stage 5 clinger. Like the mindset of: OMG I FOUND ONE! AND IT LIKES ME! IT ACTUALLY LIKES ME! MINE!!11!!1

Thank god I'm a hermit.

I appreciate idiosyncratic expressions of affection from others--something unique to him/her and which only we understand. I guess that could be considered subtlety in the usual sense. Why? It seems more...special? Sort of like a brand of "love" distinct from that which you could have for any other person, ever. There's a different kind, and a different expression of it, for each person, even if the nature of it is romantic in all cases.

 

[ExAstrisSpes]

I am probably not very subtle. I'm affectionate with the people I really care about and feel comfortable with (male or female).

I like giving hugs, and will give hugs when greeting friends (unless they're from work, although I will hug girlfriends I met at work who I consider more friends as opposed to 'work friends').

I'm really affectionate with my SO, and because he's not a PDA-type I have tried to tone down the things I do. It's kind of made me a little self-conscious because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable when he's with me.

 

[rav3n]

Major PDA? Noooooo...
Discreet PDA or private DA? Yes. Is good.
Saying ILY multiple times a day or daily? Noooo....
Neediness? Nooooo....
Crowding? Nooooo....
Constant reassurance of caring? Nooooo....

 

[Phantonym]

Major PDA? Noooooo...
Discreet PDA or private DA? Yes. Is good.
Saying ILY multiple times a day or daily? Noooo....
Neediness? Nooooo....
Crowding? Nooooo....
Constant reassurance of caring? Nooooo....

I can relate to this.

 

[INFtha14]

Very subtle.

Not really verbally expressive. I'd more a "show them I care" via sending a card/something really. Or do something that will take a reasonable load off. Asking how they are doing. Help out somehow. Verbal expressions, not my thing.

I'm not exactly comfortable having to express what I feel/think. As far as reconfirming that I care. Really I just like to show it. I struggle with the idea of verbal affection I suppose as in having to explain.

I'll mentally keep rehearsing over what I should say and feeling awkward towards even the idea of saying certain things. Expectations confuse me (I freeze up).

 

[INTPness]

After a very heartfelt, meaningful conversation with a mere acquaintance, which type is most likely to say, "Can I give you a hug?"

 

[LadyJaye]

I like subtlety - a kiss on his neck in passing, a pat on the shoulder. Or doing little things like having his favorite beer in the fridge, or washing his clothes, or making sure his TV show got recorded.

And then, without warning, I pounce. Full on attack. Hugs, kisses, and molestations galore!

 

[Hermit of the Forest]

My affection ranges from subtle to not at all subtle. Bottom line, if I’m quite fond of you you’ll probably know it.

 

[Lark]

I love the language in this 2010 thread.

 

[Zhaylin]

I like verbal reassurances and "I love yous" because I'm physically distant. I don't like physical clinginess.
I'll hug my kids in greeting or in parting, but never in the day to day.
With hubby, though, I'll let him smother me in an embrace. I lean into his chest. He kisses my head. It's a very brief thing.
If he and I (or even me and the kids) are walking together in a store or something, I'll "hip bump" them, or I'll ??? what is that word when someone has their hands on their hips with their elbows out and you loop arms with them? I walk with hubby like that a lot.

That's about it.
I'm very verbal: "I appreciated this and that... thank you... can I do/get... you're very handsome/sexy/smart/look great/amaze me..."
And then I back it up by trying to do things I know they like or contributing/gifting/offering/making something.

Can you tell I'm sleepy lol. Use your words, Woman!

 

[Maou]

I have a hard time showing any affection, so its uncharted waters when I do. So if I am saying anything along the lines of like/love, then my feelings are really strong. Since I am a service based love-giver, I extend my own resources to you, and am rather host like.

 

[Lord Lavender]

I am quite emotionally distant as I don't feel comfortable expressing intimate emotions especially IRL so I tend to try and show affection via more subtle methods like being of service e.t.c.

 

[Population: 1]

Yes?

No. Subtle would be accurate.

Why?

I’m more about romantic gestures or thoughtfulness then emotionally gushing all over the place. Thankfully, so is my girlfriend. Any pronounced displays that might occur are rather private. No one is going to be yelling at us to get a room. I guess we’re rather old fashioned and boring in that regard.

 

[Luminous]

If you're too subtle, I'll probably logic it away and think it's not an actual display of affection. Some subtle is just fine, if it's in concert with not subtle. I need displays of affection to feel secure in a relationship, a relationship of any kind (romantic, friends, family). I need verbal expression, quality time, and physical touch. I enjoy acts of service and gifts.

I've never been with someone who wasn't subtle. I think huge public delays would make me uncomfortable, but displays that have nothing to do with whether it's public or not would be perfect.

I used to hold back a lot, out off necessity to keep myself from being hurt by being rejected or not having my affection reciprocated. And just having to hold back was really painful. If I really like someone, and especially if I love someone, I need to express it. I need to say I love you. I need to make sure they know that I do. I care about boundaries, so if I did something bothersome or didn't do something important, I'd try to adjust, but my affections have to come out somehow.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

I have some all or nothing aspect to how I show affection. For most friends and family, I don't like much physical contact, but with my SO, I always want more physical contact than they do. My partners have always been too subtle, or distant, which made me feel badly. I think my ideal is to be more subtle than my partner. I think that would be an awesome problem. There would be a certain tension in that dynamic that would work well for me.

I am quiet and kind of distant, but then find a way to say everything in one sentence. Also my face is expressive.