User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 12

  1. #1
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/so
    Socionics
    INTj
    Posts
    712

    Default Lack of subtlety in terms of affection...

    Yay or nay?

    And why?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  2. #2
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    no. I suck at being affectionate.... my XSTJ brother is much more affectionate.
    Someone: I love you!!!
    Me: uhhhh... I love you too???
    I'm more of a cat. I guess I like showing my affection through doing for things for others that I KNOW they would like. In that sense, I'm very subtle and would get along great with the "stereotypical non-emotionality of NT's" that some other NFs complain about.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Trentham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    304

    Default

    Heh.

    Why? Because when I'm into someone, and they're into me, I can't get enough of them. Incidentally, I don't go around hugging random people or anything like that, quite the opposite. It's like, I reserve all my affection for my S.O., so much so that I sometimes overdo it.

    I've learned over the years to literally force myself into being less affectionate in relationships. It can be tough to strike a balance between too much and not enough.
    83% I 70% N 64% T 73% P | 5w4 sp/so/sx | Chaotic Good

  4. #4
    Member kccrush's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    54

    Default

    What do you mean by lack of subletly? Do you mean the inability to show you love someone without being obvious? When I love someone, I am very good and deliberate about demonstrating it. In fact, I think I would prefer to be more subtle, such as getting someone a drink rather than standing next to them and holding their hand. I think that be demonstrative has its place, but being subtle is a well-won art form.

  5. #5
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    I usually prefer subtlety, or maybe "indirect" is a better phrase. I think there are ways to say "I like/love you" without literally saying that. I appreciate creative compliments and expression of affection most.

    In public, I especially appreciate subtlety and discretion.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #6
    Senior Member Tabula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    MBTI
    IxFx
    Enneagram
    9w1 so/sx
    Posts
    307

    Default

    To engender affectionate feelings in me is not something that happens often, nor quickly, at all. By the time they're there, and if the feeling is a mutual one (which, if the time it took to garner them is any indication, I doubt they'd have stuck around if it weren't the case,) I do then have difficulty with restraint. Not so much in the way of DROWNING him/her in hugs/kisses/etc., but of wanting to be around him/her constantly, do things for him/her, just...be near him/her. It's as if every ounce of potential affection I could ever have is directed at this one person, and because it never happens, I just can't be subtle about it--like the proverbial floodgates have opened--it's very childish. I've had to sit down and consciously think about a suitable approach, should I ever find a "victim" of my affections, and chiefly, because if I were on the other end of this, I'd HATE it!

    Had this been asked when in my teens, however, and if I had had any real relationships in that time, I definitely had the potential to be a stage 5 clinger. Like the mindset of: OMG I FOUND ONE! AND IT LIKES ME! IT ACTUALLY LIKES ME! MINE!!11!!1

    Thank god I'm a hermit.

    I appreciate idiosyncratic expressions of affection from others--something unique to him/her and which only we understand. I guess that could be considered subtlety in the usual sense. Why? It seems more...special? Sort of like a brand of "love" distinct from that which you could have for any other person, ever. There's a different kind, and a different expression of it, for each person, even if the nature of it is romantic in all cases.
    Last edited by Tabula; 10-04-2010 at 12:50 AM. Reason: didn't answer the actual question

  7. #7
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    341

    Default

    I am probably not very subtle. I'm affectionate with the people I really care about and feel comfortable with (male or female).

    I like giving hugs, and will give hugs when greeting friends (unless they're from work, although I will hug girlfriends I met at work who I consider more friends as opposed to 'work friends').

    I'm really affectionate with my SO, and because he's not a PDA-type I have tried to tone down the things I do. It's kind of made me a little self-conscious because I don't want him to feel uncomfortable when he's with me.

  8. #8
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    8,025

    Default

    Major PDA? Noooooo...
    Discreet PDA or private DA? Yes. Is good.
    Saying ILY multiple times a day or daily? Noooo....
    Neediness? Nooooo....
    Crowding? Nooooo....
    Constant reassurance of caring? Nooooo....

  9. #9
    Phantonym
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Major PDA? Noooooo...
    Discreet PDA or private DA? Yes. Is good.
    Saying ILY multiple times a day or daily? Noooo....
    Neediness? Nooooo....
    Crowding? Nooooo....
    Constant reassurance of caring? Nooooo....
    I can relate to this.

  10. #10
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,894

    Default

    Very subtle.

    Not really verbally expressive. I'd more a "show them I care" via sending a card/something really. Or do something that will take a reasonable load off. Asking how they are doing. Help out somehow. Verbal expressions, not my thing.

    I'm not exactly comfortable having to express what I feel/think. As far as reconfirming that I care. Really I just like to show it. I struggle with the idea of verbal affection I suppose as in having to explain.

    I'll mentally keep rehearsing over what I should say and feeling awkward towards even the idea of saying certain things. Expectations confuse me (I freeze up).

    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Stuttering, Poor Self-Image and Resultant Lack of Confidence in an INTJ?
    By Far7anR in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 05-01-2014, 03:15 PM
  2. [Tri] How would you rank the Image-fixes in terms of prevalence?
    By Stansmith in forum Enneagram
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-08-2014, 03:08 AM
  3. Understanding Functions in terms of Emotions
    By Eric B in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 04-13-2011, 08:32 PM
  4. Explaining the Inferior in terms of the Dominant
    By VagrantFarce in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 01-12-2010, 10:12 PM
  5. Seeing things in terms of opportunities
    By Athenian200 in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 07-19-2009, 10:11 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO