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  1. #81
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I can honestly say now, without feeling delusional or conceited, that I think I am reasonably attractive physically and that I have some attractive personality traits. Maybe some aspects are still an "acquired taste" or not everyone's cup of tea, but I don't think I am ugly, no.

    Growing up, I was an ugly duckling, namely from age 7-12 or so. I had big, giant Daria glasses, very crooked teeth, and an oblivious to my appearance. People would comment to my sister and me that she was the "pretty one" and I was the "smart one". They often had never really spoken to me, but you know, homely people with glasses MUST be smart. Interestingly, my ESFP sister developed a bit of a complex from everyone assuming that she wasn't the smart one (and so the "dumb blonde" persona emerged...); funny how that goes... Anyhow, in time I "blossomed" and started getting different responses from people. Part of it was that I am very aware of aesthetics & pretty good at making things pleasing to the eye, and once I transferred this awareness & talent onto myself, then I made the best of my looks.

    I also had a hard time making friends growing up, especially in my teen years; and so my sister's favorite dig at me in a fight was, "Your personality is so ugly - no wonder no one likes you". She knew it hit a sore spot. But now I know she was pushing my buttons and that it's not really true. I had a hard time making friends because I am shy & pushed people away, not because I am "ugly inside".
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  2. #82
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    No, I don't.

    I'm vain, and not because I think I'm beautiful (uh, please) but because society weights good looks so out of proportion to their worth. And I focus on them as well, making sure I look the best I can within reason, because that attitude really has an effect on me. I mean, I've always got a zit and my hair is pretty lank. All the other stuff, though, I can and do work on.

    That looks-focus makes me vain, though. I'm too aware of beauty, and the difference in how people treat me when I've put in the effort and when I haven't. It's an extraordinary difference. Those times when I sort of slob around (and I like those times too), I'm invisible. When I put in the time, though, people open doors for me, pretzel vendors give me free pretzels, and everyone acts as if I've got places to go and people to see. It's hard to explain, but easy to feel.

    Sometimes I feel like I need to look great and that when I get much older and looks are less relevant, I won't be able to deal with the world. Like I need the extra advantage to make it in the world.

    And I'm not even that pretty. I always wonder how truly beautiful women feel, when everyone makes such a big deal about how they look and then looks fade.

    What a loaded topic this is!

  3. #83
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    My self-esteem in regards to my appearance has evolved over time. When I was in Jr. High and these kind of things started weighing on my mind, I felt pretty sure I was nothing to look at twice. In retrospect, who looks great in Jr High? It's such an awkward time of physical growth; things grow at different times (my feet and hands grew first, haha). I remember when I was in 7th grade this girl I was friends with sat with my on the bus, and this 8th grader that was kind of her "mentor" asked her why she was sitting with me. My friend replied that she thought I was cool and the girl told her (verbatim) "he don't look good." Being the sensitive INFJ I was, I said nothing in response but that evaluation of me stuck for a long, long time. Throughout jr high and the beginning of high school I just assumed I was unattractive and did my best to try and hide myself. Being gay in a small, rural town also didn't help my cause. I knew I wasn't going to find a boyfriend in high school without getting my ass kicked so I just surrendered to low self-esteem.

    In college (undergrad) I started growing in terms of self-esteem. I didn't ever really think of myself as attractive until my Sophomore year, when lots of girls were crushing on me. Though I was not interested, it did start to make me reevaluate the opinion I had formed about myself. At this point I believe I am attractive on both a physical and personality level, though there are those bad days when I don't believe this 100%. Sure, I might not be everyone's cup of tea, but who cares? They're the ones that are missing out.

    I will admit that when I look in the mirror I tend to see the flaws (e.g. big nose, scrawny, pimples, etc.) more than anything else, but I try to never let myself dwell on it. What is the point of it? I would never get cosmetic surgery, so I'm stuck with what I've got. Best to make the most of it! In the end, I think inferior Se makes me refrain from putting a whole lot of faith in the external world and thus I often doubt myself on an external level (i.e. external abilities and appearance). However, this is of course something I try to work on every day.
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  4. #84
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    I still find it hard to reconcile the fact that i'm not the awkward, gawky, odd looking, ugly ducking i was as a kid, specifically between the ages of 6-14.

    As a toddler i was super cute, but then as i grew up the cuteness was replaces by, well, not so nice looking. I was always the tallest, super pale with dark freckles, HUGE eyes and one eyelid was lazy so it didn't open as wide as the other, gap teeth, blonde with virtually no eyebrows, small mouth with these huge puffy lips, flat nose, just generally a classic gawky ugly child.

    Although i grew out of that between 15 and 17, i still don't think i'm particularly attractive, more of an odd collection of features mashes together to form my visage. My RATIONAL brain knows im not ugly anymore but my EMOTIONAL brain can't reconcile the fact that im not that kid anymore. Perhaps because i was still "ugly" in what were my formative self identifying years.

    So yeah, most of the time i just think i look odd, but every now and then the ugly child thing will come and raise it's weary head. I think it's made me work harder to establish who i am outside of what i look like, and not rely so much on physical appearance to get my through life. I enjoy what my mind comes up with more than subscribing to established beauty ideals.

    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    And I'm not even that pretty. I always wonder how truly beautiful women feel, when everyone makes such a big deal about how they look and then looks fade.
    And THIS is why I'm kind of glad I'm not beautiful and don't put much stock into what i actually look like. How depressing to have your entire self worth up to a certain point nullified because you no longer have beauty or the thing which previously validated your existence removed.

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  5. #85
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Sometimes, I walk by the mirror.. and I tear myself apart. "Good lord, those wrinkles on my forehead I earned overseas are really settling into their new home.. and my skin is breaking out SO badly.. and why can't I gain my weight in the places I wanna gain it in? Am I losing my butt? God I hope I'm not losing my butt.. my hair looks so [insert brown or blond here] lately. I wish the red would come back to where it's suppose to be.."

    This is soon replaced with a quick "Oh well. " and a shove out the door. Usually though, I walk by the mirror, and do something goofy and positive in response to what I see. I feel I'm very attractive, and I have a bunch of great qualities to overshadow those few I'm self conscious over. I have a lot of self confidence in the way I look and feel.

    In short, not at all.
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  6. #86
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    Usually though, I walk by the mirror, and do something goofy and positive in response to what I see.
    Hahahaha, I do the same. It helps me remind myself I'm more than what I look like and that one of my best qualities is how quirky I can be.
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  7. #87
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ Exactly. It's usually when I'm too tired to be goofy or act like myself 100%, or if I'm sick and thus lethargic, and times like that that I tend to notice the flaws. Usually, I'm moving a mile a minute... so it makes sense that I'm not a still picture. Moving in the mirror makes me look more like myself. I can't sit still in a mirror.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  8. #88
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I don't think I'm that attractive. I have my good days though, I guess. I get outside compliments, but my self image kind of comes down to what I think. What others think is nice, but only affects me temporarily. On the other hand, I try not to care either. Sometimes I wish none of it was a factor. I can pinpoint periods in my life where I probably looked my best, and I was treated better.. and in a way, that's annoys me. I mean... If I had to say it, I'm lacking deeper connections in life. For once, I'd like to meet people (or one person) that treated me the same way, even if I looked like a dork

  9. #89
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    In retrospect, who looks great in Jr High? It's such an awkward time of physical growth
    Yes, everyone is ugly between the ages of about 11-14. Some are uglier than others, but that is still no indicator of what their actual adult attractiveness level will be. Seeing many of the "cute" (well, relatively, as they were still ugly & awkward) people from middle school get ugly by senior year of HS is kind of amusing (especially when you've gotten better looking).

    Quote Originally Posted by Nijntje View Post
    I still find it hard to reconcile the fact that i'm not the awkward, gawky, odd looking, ugly ducking i was as a kid, specifically between the ages of 6-14.

    As a toddler i was super cute, but then as i grew up the cuteness was replaces by, well, not so nice looking. I was always the tallest, super pale with dark freckles, HUGE eyes and one eyelid was lazy so it didn't open as wide as the other, gap teeth, blonde with virtually no eyebrows, small mouth with these huge puffy lips, flat nose, just generally a classic gawky ugly child.

    Although i grew out of that between 15 and 17, i still don't think i'm particularly attractive, more of an odd collection of features mashes together to form my visage. My RATIONAL brain knows im not ugly anymore but my EMOTIONAL brain can't reconcile the fact that im not that kid anymore. Perhaps because i was still "ugly" in what were my formative self identifying years.

    So yeah, most of the time i just think i look odd, but every now and then the ugly child thing will come and raise it's weary head. I think it's made me work harder to establish who i am outside of what i look like, and not rely so much on physical appearance to get my through life. I enjoy what my mind comes up with more than subscribing to established beauty ideals.
    I used to go through this...as my above post indicated, I was an ugly duckling for a bit. That "awkward smart girl" still inhabited my brain for many years after I had "blossomed", and I think she'll always pop up from time to time & keep me humble. Still, I know I am mostly beyond the insecurity now. I especially knew that when I was able to show my (ex) boyfriend some childhood photos & was actually eager to get to those awkward ages so we could laugh together at what a goofy dork I was .
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #90
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    I still find it hard to reconcile the fact that i'm not the awkward, gawky, odd looking, ugly ducking
    Agree, me too. I see beauty as a plus, something extra, not the core of who I am or what I value. It's unnerving to see yourself as nothing but a beautiful object.

    Actually, beauty seemed to be the one thing my mother required of me growing up while I was experiencing my very awkward/chubby stage. She didn't care about my grades, or if I was happy or creative, or if I had ethics. She never imposed any career goals on me, which is kind of nice to not hear the You must be a doctor. But...it never seemed like intelligence or creativity mattered as much as looking good and being accepted by society. For that reason, I'm a bit damaged in that regard and associate beauty with acceptance and love. Which is quite horrible. When I finally realized that you could be ugly/average and still be loved, it was seriously shocking to me. Even so, I find myself thinking I lack whatever it is that others have that makes them lovable whether it be beauty or intelligence or conviction. And I struggle a lot to get out of this loop. Other people doesn't seem as affected by this as I am and even now, I am still surprised. My mother is meh about my grades or ambitions but when she hears that I am pretty, she beams.

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