I'm vain, and not because I think I'm beautiful (uh, please) but because society weights good looks so out of proportion to their worth. And I focus on them as well, making sure I look the best I can within reason, because that attitude really has an effect on me. I mean, I've always got a zit and my hair is pretty lank. All the other stuff, though, I can and do work on.
That looks-focus makes me vain, though. I'm too aware of beauty, and the difference in how people treat me when I've put in the effort and when I haven't. It's an extraordinary difference. Those times when I sort of slob around (and I like those times too), I'm invisible. When I put in the time, though, people open doors for me, pretzel vendors give me free pretzels, and everyone acts as if I've got places to go and people to see. It's hard to explain, but easy to feel.
Sometimes I feel like I need to look great and that when I get much older and looks are less relevant, I won't be able to deal with the world. Like I need the extra advantage to make it in the world.
And I'm not even that pretty. I always wonder how truly beautiful women feel, when everyone makes such a big deal about how they look and then looks fade.
What a loaded topic this is!
Weird, I have never noticed much of a difference but then that may be that's because I am oblivious. Whether or not I look like a slob, people treat me the same. Sometimes, I will get all dressed up sometimes and nobody says squat and than sometimes I will get compliments when I don't do shit. In the end, it all evens out for me.
Being older sounds good, if you ask me. There's a quote by Monica Bellucci I like: "I believe that time destroys everything. You can take one beautiful apple, red. After a while, it becomes shrivelled and full of worms, just like what happens to us."
She's right though. On the plus side, we'll all eventually be equalized.. ugly and beautiful will be crapping their pants and playing bingo together in a nursing home. BFF. The thing is, this is how I life should be lived when we're younger. It shouldn't matter so much.
I used to, but lately I feel beautiful in my own skin. I used to wear a ton of makeup and you would never see me with my hair in a curly bun (as it has been for the past week). Now, I can't be bothered to put on face makeup or eyeliner. Even blush! And I look my best, I think. My ancestry shows more.
My boyfriend must have played a part in that, because he tells me I'm beautiful and I believe it.
I feel I'm more beautiful as I get older, although I look at photos of me from high school and college and think I look sooooo young. I think what it really is, is that I'm more comfortable with myself as I get older and I'm more aware of the affect my appearance has on other people (mostly men).
I wonder about it sometimes, but I don't dwell on it. You have to work with what you've got. I'm more worried about being boring.
I've always felt this way also....I particularly find "sexy" to be dull. Any woman can be sexy. I'd rather be interesting. When I was a kid, "weird" was more of a compliment than "pretty". I find myself as an adult more interested in appearing unique than attractive. My mom pointed out once that half of my clothes create "interesting" silhouettes as opposed to showing off my form; she was like, "You have such a tiny waist & you hide it in all these weird shapes".
This is all sooo enneagram 4 though....
"Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
I know I'm not the most attractive person in the world, but I think I am and that's what counts. Still, I know I have many things to work on, because I believe that there is no such thing as "too much improvement". Would I rather slob around? Yes, but I know being attractive has it's advantages in society.
“'Fuck', I think. What a beautiful word. If I could say only one thing for the rest of my life, that would be it.”