Keepin' the 'love' alive! As if that were hard to do.
***Dislaimer: I'm not claiming this as truth. They are merely my observations concerning INTPs from my interactions with my husband. Feel free to comment and/or correct, or even add your own ideas.***
1. They need their mental space. Of course they love you and they want to spend time with you - IN MODERATION. Come on, you're creative. Find other ways to occupy your time. I know I'm absolutely GREAT at entertaining myself.
2. Have your own life. INTPs are great about granting you the freedom and independence we ENFPs/I (oops maybe I shouldn't speak for all ENFPs here) love. As long as you don't do anything stupid that fucks up your relationship, have at it. Have some fun!!! They won't mind because they NEED lots of quiet time.
3. If you want to listen to loud music/be loud/whatever when your husband/wife is in Ti-mode, close your door. Oh, yeah, and close the door anyway. My INTP hates open doors. I like them, but yeah, whatever, sometimes you have to compromise.
4. Have fun together. Tap into that common Ne. A mature INTP is going to have a developed Ne, and that's your forté, so use it. Make your time together fun and enriching for both.
5. INTPs seem to relish in their areas of expertise. I find they feel the most comfy talking about their areas of expertise. Then they can chat for hours if in the mood (Ne). Don't FORCE it, but if they start, let them GOOOOOO.....it's fun to listen to the Ti/Ne/Si combo when they get going. Besides, you can learn a lot. Going to places where they can USE their expertise and get them going, usually creates a fun experience for both sides.
6. Yes, your INTP has a sensual side. He/She may or may not initiate, but it's there. It needs a catalyst. Then BOOM. Embrace it. And go with it. (EDIT: Okay, maybe it's because he's a guy.)
7. Okay, okay, your INTP may not be the most lovey-dovey but they do have feelings. So don't be an asshole. K? Just because they don't cry when upset or get all RAWR doesn't mean things don't upset them. Especially if they love/respect you. Rejection sucks for everyone. Respect him/her.
8. Your INTP may withdraw. As long as it's not permanent, it's okay. So don't always be like, "Why are you grumpy? Are you okay? What's wrong?" When they are in Ti-mode, they ARE going to appear withdrawn/grumpy/whatever. THEY STILL LOVE YOU, OKAY....so don't ask all the time. They do wuv you, but not when you ask damn annoying questions when they try to concentrate. That's a sure-fire way to make them go :steam:.
9. INTP has problems with Te. Yep, everyone has a weakness. They can't organize their shit very well. Find a way to help that isn't condescending and make them feel like incompetent shitheads, basically by planning ahead for them or delegating tasks in such a way that avoids embarrassing moments. (E.g. I pay the bills. It's easier).
10. You suck at Si. Let him help you. You're not the God of the Universe. He's a bit better at this than you are. So if he notices things in the environment you don't - TRUST HIM.
11. Your INTP may not naturally brainstorm that well. You love brainstorming. This confuses my INTP. He comes with a completely well-formulated, thought-out, holistic plan. I come to the table with a construction site that needs solutions, planning, etc. At first, this can seem annoying, but once you realize what's going on, you can capitalize on it and complement each other.
12. My INTP usually hates explaining his reasoning. If you question it, it makes it sounds like he's incompetent. This gets back to the brainstorming - he's already done that. To him, it might seem like a waste of time. "I've figured things out - why do we have to talk about it for five hundred years. This IS the best answer....I've thought it out so much."
13. Once your INTP starts respecting you about certain things, he will open up. This takes time, but after a while your INTP may notice that you are better at certain things than he is. If you gain his respect, he might come to you and ask you for your opinion. THIS IS A REALLY REALLY unusual thing, so DON'T brush him off!!!!! Even if you're busy. It makes him feel even more incompetent. "Fuck, I should know that, and I don't. And she's getting pissy at me. ARGH. Won't ask her again." This is like a cat showing its underbelly. If you fuck it up, the cat will always be on guard around you.
14. Don't expect your INTP to be geniuses at Fe. Um, you're not either. Give the guy a break.
15. However, the Fe is there, so try to cater to it a bit. Something small. Doesn't have to be big. Showing him you remembered him. Bringing home some food you know he likes. Or whatever. Don't make a big deal out of it though.
16. INTPs forget daily tasks. They want to make you happy (weak Fe) but sometimes get so into their stuff (Ti/Ne) that they forget (oops Si moment) what they wanted to do. DOn'T get pissy at them for it. Instead, start cleaning yourself. That'll remind the INTP "Oh, FUCK, I wanted to do that." Then you do it together, and it gets done faster. (Ti kicking in here, maybe?)
17. If the INTP says they want to do something, LET THEM DO IT. I find my INTP gets pissy if I say I will do something, and he offers to do it for me, and I get all Ms. Independent on his ass and say NO I'LL DO IT. Maybe it makes him feel incompetent????
18. Be sexy. They like it. Don't know why, don't expect that. But yeah, they like it. Maybe it's just a testosterone thing. But those guys like sexayyyy.
19. Do something spontaneous. Okay, this shouldn't be a problem for you.
20. BUT don't change your mind every five seconds. Makes you seem incompetent and that you don't know what you want, which seems to MAJORLY piss them off. If you want to brainstorm and say you're just throwing an idea out there - TELL THEM THAT. That's NOT their natural mode of operation, and they'll assume you have a well constructed idea, and it will PISS them off if you don't tell them your intentions. It sounds like you've got MPD or BPD or something. They need (ironically) stability in their environment (maybe because their inner world is so deep) so they can't constantly adapt to new outside influences AND keep their inner world in order??? (Just a guess).