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  1. #31
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    He loves it. This is one thing I don't get about my husband. He loves seeing me go from 0-180 in 0.54 seconds. And yes, it is too easy. He thinks it's endearing, I guess. Though I can't think of why.
    He's just dominating you.

    "I'm always right, ergo, I don't have to explain myself. I'll just wait until you come to the inevitable conclusion that I am in fact, right. And I'll enjoy myself watching you get worked up in the meantime, because you don't have awesome cool in boatloads like I do".
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  2. #32
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Little Linguist, if your list is what it takes to make relationships work with INTPs, I'm prepared to call it a day with the ex, who's an INTP. We're in the midst of discussing a second chance.

    Some of those points set my teeth on edge in that it doesn't hold these guys to adult standards of mature behaviour.

  3. #33
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Little Linguist, if your list is what it takes to make relationships work with INTPs, I'm prepared to call it a day with the ex, who's an INTP. We're in the midst of discussing a second chance.

    Some of those points set my teeth on edge in that it doesn't hold these guys to adult standards of mature behaviour.
    It should be retitled "How to Spoil Your INTP"
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #34
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    It should be retitled "How to Spoil Your INTP"
    There's both maternalistic and paternalistic elements to the list that I can't live with. And yes, the word "pander" comes to mind, rather than equal partnership.

  5. #35
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    Must've been my Stasi reference earlier.
    :steam:

  6. #36
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Little Linguist, if your list is what it takes to make relationships work with INTPs, I'm prepared to call it a day with the ex, who's an INTP. We're in the midst of discussing a second chance.

    Some of those points set my teeth on edge in that it doesn't hold these guys to adult standards of mature behaviour.
    Like what, for example?

  7. #37
    Senior Member Accept's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    INTP: 42. It's 42. I don't know how many times I have to say 42.

    ENFP: OMG!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!! 42 IS LIKE THE AWESOMEST, MOST FANTASTIC THING EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! ***hugs***
    I think those 2 lines explain everything. When the INTP is offering a possibility, yet still seeking more data to confirm the answer, there's a willingness (not eagerness) to discuss the process used to find the best answer. When the solution is an absolute the INTP has already lost interest and moved onto other matters. Asking about the process is like questioning the result, plus it also requires the INTP to return to a problem already solved.

    About the only thing I can't relate to is the need for extended conversation about the solution - when the other person wants to try something else, the most I usually offer is:

    INTP: 12 might work too.

    ENFP: But you said 42 is the answer.

    INTP: It is, but maybe 12 will work for you.

    That is the end of it. Having found the answer, it is offered. It doesn't really matter if it's used.

    Sometimes the enthusiastic response can be confusing unless the INTP can understand why there should be an emotional attachment to the solution - there wasn't any in finding it.
    Naked to unknown forces, fortune evades mere understanding. The trial of effort.
    The dream of change. Such a place might Hell be to thought and action.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #38
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Accept View Post
    I think those 2 lines explain everything. When the INTP is offering a possibility, yet still seeking more data to confirm the answer, there's a willingness (not eagerness) to discuss the process used to find the best answer. When the solution is an absolute the INTP has already lost interest and moved onto other matters. Asking about the process is like questioning the result, plus it also requires the INTP to return to a problem already solved.

    About the only thing I can't relate to is the need for extended conversation about the solution - when the other person wants to try something else, the most I usually offer is:

    INTP: 12 might work too.

    ENFP: But you said 42 is the answer.

    INTP: It is, but maybe 12 will work for you.

    That is the end of it. Having found the answer, it is offered. It doesn't really matter if it's used.

    Sometimes the enthusiastic response can be confusing unless the INTP can understand why there should be an emotional attachment to the solution - there wasn't any in finding it.
    Yes, THANK YOU!!!!! You eloquently stated what I wanted to say with my last statement.

  9. #39
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Nice list... and some of the items were particularly thought out and on the mark (such as the inherent expectation of a fully formed idea vs total brainstorming ... Unless the session was specifically earmarked for completely random brainstorming, I find myself pissy when people start throwing out ideas that a second of consideration would show to specifically not have a chance in hell of working or being useful.)

    The pseudo Ne+Si sensuality thing is really just... sensation. Don't tie it to a function. It's just doing something that feels good -- although maybe it also is part of the "explore -> understanding" motivation too.



    Yup. What works in theory, even if the theory is correct, might be stymied by practical truths, and a workaround will be needed.



    Yeah, although I just find that kind of frustrating (rather than insulting) because I understand not everyone will see what I've done right away and I need to give them enough that they can get from Point A to Point B.

    If you really want to offend me, take it a step further and accuse me from the start of not being objective or of just "believing what I want to believe" simply because I've reached a different conclusion from you. That's a complete insult to my intellectual integrity and I typically push back hard; usually if I screw up, it comes not from catering to my own bias but from either framing the situation differently or else from not having all the facts while thinking I did.
    Oh, Jennifer, in all the chaos, I missed your post! Great post: I think that illustrates what I really wanted to say much more effectively than I expressed it.

  10. #40
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    1. They need their mental space. Of course they love you and they want to spend time with you - IN MODERATION. Come on, you're creative. Find other ways to occupy your time. I know I'm absolutely GREAT at entertaining myself.

    2. Have your own life. INTPs are great about granting you the freedom and independence we ENFPs/I (oops maybe I shouldn't speak for all ENFPs here) love. As long as you don't do anything stupid that fucks up your relationship, have at it. Have some fun!!! They won't mind because they NEED lots of quiet time.
    Yes, they need space but I need more. They need proof of caring which sets off my resentment, since both my words and actions already prove this. Add together both elements and insecurity/possessiveness manifests from the ex.

    But I hold myself responsible for the above two issues. If we decide to go forward again, I need to fix these areas by giving him more time and not resenting his need for proof.

    He also needs to fix his own inability to express his insecurities, cut the possessiveness, as well as expressing how I can help to satisfy his needs.

    3. If you want to listen to loud music/be loud/whatever when your husband/wife is in Ti-mode, close your door. Oh, yeah, and close the door anyway. My INTP hates open doors. I like them, but yeah, whatever, sometimes you have to compromise.
    Use a headset. If you need to dance around, get bluetooth.
    4. Have fun together. Tap into that common Ne. A mature INTP is going to have a developed Ne, and that's your forté, so use it. Make your time together fun and enriching for both.
    Agreed. Whether this is an element of Ne or not, love the bantering and fun.

    5. INTPs seem to relish in their areas of expertise. I find they feel the most comfy talking about their areas of expertise. Then they can chat for hours if in the mood (Ne). Don't FORCE it, but if they start, let them GOOOOOO.....it's fun to listen to the Ti/Ne/Si combo when they get going. Besides, you can learn a lot. Going to places where they can USE their expertise and get them going, usually creates a fun experience for both sides.
    Don't disagree although participation isn't evident in your description. Interaction appears to matter, at least from my experience. Sitting tolerant and just listening for hours on end isn't very satifying for both.
    6. Yes, your INTP has a sensual side. He/She may or may not initiate, but it's there. It needs a catalyst. Then BOOM. I assume it's the Ne + Si = pseudo Se thingy going on. Embrace it. And go with it. (EDIT: Okay, maybe it's because he's a guy.)
    A total myth about INTPs. That they don't have a sensual or sensory side. They have quite a substantial side of it, moreso than some other MBTI types.
    7. Okay, okay, your INTP may not be the most lovey-dovey but they do have feelings. So don't be an asshole. K? Just because they don't cry when upset or get all RAWR doesn't mean things don't upset them. Especially if they love/respect you. Rejection sucks for everyone. Respect him/her.
    They do show it. It's evident in subtle ways in their facial expressions, diction, subject and body language.

    8. Your INTP may withdraw. As long as it's not permanent, it's okay. So don't always be like, "Why are you grumpy? Are you okay? What's wrong?" When they are in Ti-mode, they ARE going to appear withdrawn/grumpy/whatever. THEY STILL LOVE YOU, OKAY....so don't ask all the time. They do wuv you, but not when you ask damn annoying questions when they try to concentrate. That's a sure-fire way to make them go :steam:.
    This is the coochie-coo condescension. Yes, they care if they're still with you. If they didn't, they'd be gone.
    9. INTP has problems with Te. Yep, everyone has a weakness. They can't organize their shit very well. Find a way to help that isn't condescending and make them feel like incompetent shitheads, basically by planning ahead for them or delegating tasks in such a way that avoids embarrassing moments. (E.g. I pay the bills. It's easier).
    They're adults. Let them deal with it unless they ask for your help.

    10. You suck at Si. Let him help you. You're not the God of the Universe. He's a bit better at this than you are. So if he notices things in the environment you don't - TRUST HIM.
    I don't understand this aspect since it seems to relate to ENFP/INTP dynamics.

    11. Your INTP may not naturally brainstorm that well. You love brainstorming. This confuses my INTP. He comes with a completely well-formulated, thought-out, holistic plan. I come to the table with a construction site that needs solutions, planning, etc. At first, this can seem annoying, but once you realize what's going on, you can capitalize on it and complement each other.
    Agreed to some degree. Every plan has flaws. Whether those flaws need to be pointed out will rely on cost/benefit. Don't just sit back and act like he's god of the rational universe. He's also human and if you can point out the flaws in his plan in a respectful way, he'll be fine with this and enjoy the information exchange.
    12. My INTP usually hates explaining his reasoning. If you question it, it makes it sounds like he's incompetent. This gets back to the brainstorming - he's already done that. To him, it might seem like a waste of time. "I've figured things out - why do we have to talk about it for five hundred years. This IS the best answer....I've thought it out so much."
    He's jacking you around. Morgan's got it right. Dominance games.
    13. Once your INTP starts respecting you about certain things, he will open up. This takes time, but after a while your INTP may notice that you are better at certain things than he is. If you gain his respect, he might come to you and ask you for your opinion. THIS IS A REALLY REALLY unusual thing, so DON'T brush him off!!!!! Even if you're busy. It makes him feel even more incompetent. "Fuck, I should know that, and I don't. And she's getting pissy at me. ARGH. Won't ask her again." This is like a cat showing its underbelly. If you fuck it up, the cat will always be on guard around you.
    Caveat includes timing. Don't forget your own needs.

    Cats when they show you their stomach aren't being submissive or open. This is when they're the most effective since four paws full of claws and a mouth full of sharp teeth are all at ready access.

    14. Don't expect your INTP to be geniuses at Fe. Um, you're not either. Give the guy a break.
    Pander. All within reason. INTPs are fully capable of utilizing their Fe. While it's not their natural preference, it's there. Same as I don't expect someone else to not hold me up to reasonable expectations of a relationship, regardless of inferior Fi.

    15. However, the Fe is there, so try to cater to it a bit. Something small. Doesn't have to be big. Showing him you remembered him. Bringing home some food you know he likes. Or whatever. Don't make a big deal out of it though.
    Catering, nuh, uh. Showing him you care through actions is fine. Pretty normal between all MBTI types.
    16. INTPs forget daily tasks. They want to make you happy (weak Fe) but sometimes get so into their stuff (Ti/Ne) that they forget (oops Si moment) what they wanted to do. DOn'T get pissy at them for it. Instead, start cleaning yourself. That'll remind the INTP "Oh, FUCK, I wanted to do that." Then you do it together, and it gets done faster. (Ti kicking in here, maybe?)
    Pandering.
    17. If the INTP says they want to do something, LET THEM DO IT. I find my INTP gets pissy if I say I will do something, and he offers to do it for me, and I get all Ms. Independent on his ass and say NO I'LL DO IT. Maybe it makes him feel incompetent????
    This is situational and doesn't appear to consider both sides to the equation.

    18. Be sexy. They like it. Don't know why, don't expect that. But yeah, they like it. Maybe it's just a testosterone thing. But those guys like sexayyyy.
    Guy thing, rather than an INTP thing.
    19. Do something spontaneous. Okay, this shouldn't be a problem for you.
    Sure, spontaneity can be fun. But it can also backfire, when they're caving. Small spontaneities appear to be better accepted since they're very sensitive to loss of autonomy or directive actions.
    20. BUT don't change your mind every five seconds. Makes you seem incompetent and that you don't know what you want, which seems to MAJORLY piss them off. If you want to brainstorm and say you're just throwing an idea out there - TELL THEM THAT. That's NOT their natural mode of operation, and they'll assume you have a well constructed idea, and it will PISS them off if you don't tell them your intentions. It sounds like you've got MPD or BPD or something. They need (ironically) stability in their environment (maybe because their inner world is so deep) so they can't constantly adapt to new outside influences AND keep their inner world in order??? (Just a guess).
    This is a given for T types. Consistency helps to foster trust.

    Overall, the tone appears to be one where the woman is nurturing, tolerant, pandering and the male is dominant while pandering to the little woman's inability to formulate rational thought and ideas.

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