User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 84

  1. #1
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    694

    Default INFJs - Why we hold back

    I was reading this in an MBTI book called Personality Type, and I thought this actually shed some light on my situation as an INFJ:

    "Thus, it should be recognized that INFJs are more like INTJs than they appear. Their primary relationship is to their inner world, and they are receptive to others only up to a point. Indeed, these types often find that their sympathy and perceptive listening have been mistaken for an overture of friendship, which they didn't intend.
    The truth is that Ni inclines them to keep a part of themselves in reserve--to locate their true identity outside of the expectations and definitions of others. Unlike INTJs, however, their sense of the unexpressed is not impersonal and causal; it is intensely personal and oriented by emotional awareness. Their intuition takes them into psychological areas that other types are likely to keep at bay."


    Wow... I came to study the MBTI to learn about myself, and ever since I picked up this particular text I seem to have had so much light shed onto myself. I often feel like I don't know who I am or where I stand, but these kind of explanations seems to make me feel more... normal. I tend to do a lot of self-examination and sometimes I am stumped, but the MBTI can usually help me in certain situations.

    So, the real reason I'm posting is to share this and ask if this seems to be characteristic of you or INFJs you know.
    Last edited by wedekit; 01-23-2008 at 04:10 PM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Enneagram 4w5 social

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    408

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    The truth is that Ni inclines them to keep a part of themselves in reserve--to locate their true identity outside of the expectations and definitions of others. Unlike INTJs, however, their sense of the unexpressed is not impersonal and causal; it is intensely personal and oriented by emotional awareness. Their intuition takes them into psychological areas that other types are likely to keep at bay."
    I'm not sure I know what this is saying. I may know, or I may be thinking of something else. This thing I'm thinking of (attitude, feeling, sense, place within my mind) has been with me from my earliest years, and seems to be at the very core of how I experience the world. It is something intensely personal, with threads of awe, reverence, a joyful sorrow, and unnamed longing. You might could call it a secret room, a place within my mind where I am most completely myself.

    Certainly I don't share it with the world at large, but I don't think I'd be adverse to sharing it with someone who loves and understands me. For the most part, though, it feels as though it would simply be impossible for anyone to go there with me. I don't know how to take them there; I don't know how to share it with them.

    How do you experience this sensation of holding back? For me, I only intentionally hold back in order to protect myself or someone else. I can just as intentionally release and express these same things that I've held back. But this other thing I'm talking about, secret room or whatever you call it--I don't have the slightest idea how I could share it.

  3. #3
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    The truth is that Ni inclines them to keep a part of themselves in reserve--to locate their true identity outside of the expectations and definitions of others. Unlike INTJs, however, their sense of the unexpressed is not impersonal and causal; it is intensely personal and oriented by emotional awareness. Their intuition takes them into psychological areas that other types are likely to keep at bay."[/SIZE]
    Well, I'm focusing more on the '...their intuition takes them into psychological areas that other types are likely to keep at bay', and interpret that as meaning INFJ is likely to explore all depths of human emotion, and the causes of the emotions/what's behind them -- even the 'negative' ones...'negative' ones and motivations being ones that others might shy away from, not want to discuss, might easily judge, or just wouldn't easily understand.

    I'm reminded of my INFJ friends and I, and us discussing more of our inner world -thoughts, opinions and emotions - without judgement towards the other for having the thoughts/feelings in the first place. I don't want to give specifics here...but just accepting many of the psychological twists and turns for what they are, because we've on some level all 'gone there' at some point.

    From one of her emails to me --

    'You know, I really love that I can email things to you and you totally get what I am saying and thinking... There are very few people I can do that with! Thank you for listening to my strife...With most people, I don't say anything because things get taken out of context,over dramatized, etc. But I totally know you understand where I am coming from.'

    We've talked about stuff like this before -- more 'risque' emotions, or feelings/thoughts that probably wouldn't be easily understood or accepted by a non Ni-Fe folks......

    I don't know. Like Faith, I'm not sure either whether I'm interpreting what you posted correctly or not!!

    And I think the Fe makes it much more likely for myself and the other INFJ's I know to be very careful with who we really open up with. Kind of what I think faith was saying here:

    For me, I only intentionally hold back in order to protect myself or someone else.
    As far as locating my 'true identity' -- yeah, I need a reasonable amount of alone time to 're-find' myself sometimes, since I do sometimes overextend myself socially in my efforts to connect and really understand and listen to other people and be supportive of them. So when I'm extending myself to others, I might 'forget' about my own identity for a bit.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  4. #4
    *ears perk up* wolfmaiden14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    MBTI
    Infx
    Posts
    590

    Default

    Interesting. I realized long ago that "who I am" is just as much defined by what people perceive of me as it is how I perceive myself. After all, we can never be fully objective when gaging ourselves. So it takes that outside glimpse to really see. But there does tend to be vital points that others don't see, though I do know them to be there. I just can't seem to find the right situation to let it show without stumbling.

    It's like only other INFJs can even understand those parts. So maybe that's why I hold them back.

    And yes, sometimes my connection with people leads them to assume I want a deeper relationship beyond that moment. So I've learned to act like I don't care unless I'm okay with that.

    Unlike INTJs, however, their sense of the unexpressed is not impersonal and causal; it is intensely personal and oriented by emotional awareness. Their intuition takes them into psychological areas that other types are likely to keep at bay.
    This, I definitely agree with. The things I do not express are not expressed usually because I am not done figuring out exactly what they are. This kind of goes into the honor thread. I'm not going to say/show something I don't mean, so I have to know WHAT it means first(the emotional awareness). I turn it over again and again in my mind(Ti?) until I figure it out, going way deeper than most people care to. And by then, the time to express it for any relevant reason has usually passed.
    Forming characters! Whose? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence. - Elihu Burritt

    Member of the Maverick's Biker Club - Now crashing through walls instead of just..walking into them.

  5. #5
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14 View Post
    This, I definitely agree with. The things I do not express are not expressed usually because I am not done figuring out exactly what they are. This kind of goes into the honor thread. I'm not going to say/show something I don't mean, so I have to know WHAT it means first(the emotional awareness). I turn it over again and again in my mind(Ti?) until I figure it out, going way deeper than most people care to. And by then, the time to express it for any relevant reason has usually passed.
    Ah..and I can relate to this too!

    Ok..we're all interpreting the original text very differently!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  6. #6

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfmaiden14 View Post
    This, I definitely agree with. The things I do not express are not expressed usually because I am not done figuring out exactly what they are. This kind of goes into the honor thread. I'm not going to say/show something I don't mean, so I have to know WHAT it means first(the emotional awareness). I turn it over again and again in my mind(Ti?) until I figure it out, going way deeper than most people care to. And by then, the time to express it for any relevant reason has usually passed.
    This reminds me of one day when I was presenting my thesis for my essay and the teacher kept hitting me with deep philosophical questions such as: "how do you know who you are?" and I couldn't answer because I didn't have it perfectly worked out in my mind. That really motivated me to organize my thoughts on the subject and write a great essay.


    As for relating to the description of an INFJ: I do search for my identity both outside and within other's standards. And I have definitely gone into deep places which I doubt many people would understand. ( I tend to make lots of connections)
    INFJ, 2w1

    "I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers. " - Khalil Gibran

  7. #7
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    694

    Default

    We all interpreted it different, but everyone's interpretation applied to me as well.

    Well, I have to agree when you say that only INFJs can understand those parts. I would be very interested in becoming friends with a fellow INFJ someday and see how much alike we are. It's kind of tragic to me that there is so much I have to say but I just don't know how to say it, and honestly I am afraid to say it because others are just... incapable of understanding.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Enneagram 4w5 social

  8. #8
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    4,223

    Default

    i hold back because i believe most people are too fragile to hear my opinions.

    also, i don't share my opinions with those i don't trust, since they might exploit them. (take them out of context to someone else, for example)

  9. #9
    Highly Hollow Wandering's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    873

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    i hold back because i believe most people are too fragile to hear my opinions.
    Fragile as in "the complexity of your opinions and feelings is going to make their head explode" ?

    also, i don't share my opinions with those i don't trust, since they might exploit them. (take them out of context to someone else, for example)
    Ugh :steam: I *hate* it when people do that!

  10. #10
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    4,223

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wandering View Post
    Fragile as in "the complexity of your opinions and feelings is going to make their head explode" ?
    actually i don't think my opinions or feelings are that complex usually. i can always put words to them if i feel like it. i have opinions about complex subjects, sure, but my opinions themselves are relatively simple. most of the time, i have an opinion because it is the most simple and logical way to view a subject.

    it's just that sometimes those views are politically incorrect or something, and i don't want to offend anyone. i think of myself as an NT in my head (Ni+Ti), but with enough focus on Fe that i can't just let everything out.

    i also have very harsh ideas about people and their motivations sometimes, and mostly, i don't think people could handle it if i told them. in fact, i view it as a last-resort-weapon -- when someone really really really does something terrible, i'll let my opinions of them out as punishment. (i've only done it twice, but i made one of the two [a guy] cry.)

Similar Threads

  1. Why we can't get our deficit under control
    By DiscoBiscuit in forum Politics, History, and Current Events
    Replies: 46
    Last Post: 03-02-2011, 07:44 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ's we seem to understand each other until we start talking...
    By MDP2525 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 12-09-2009, 01:25 AM
  3. Any real point behind questioning why we do stuff?
    By Snow Turtle in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 07-23-2009, 04:02 PM
  4. [MBTItm] ENFPs and INFJs. Why?
    By Wyst in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 155
    Last Post: 12-08-2008, 10:32 AM
  5. [INFJ] INFJ's, do you hold back emotionally?
    By ferrisbueller in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 75
    Last Post: 01-12-2008, 02:37 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO