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  1. #71
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    Anyway, I'm no expert on INFJs. But INFJs seem so reserved and "together," that it may be a big point of shame for them when they lose it under stress.

    It also makes me doubt the practicability of such sentiments from an INFJ as "My soulmate should be able to understand everything about me." Frankly, I'm not sure even INFJs themselves really understand themselves all that well. They seem terribly caught by surprise and ashamed when their facade crumbles under stress.
    Having a soulmate that was able to understand everything about me sounds really invasive and claustrophobic to me. Several years ago I had a mini-freak out because I realized that my husband and I had started kind of not really reading each other's thoughts, but kind of. It wasn't even him reading my thoughts. It was me knowing that he was thinking about getting carry-out spaghetti when it occurred to him that it was Tuesday. I knew and it scared me. I didn't even have to wonder or think about it. I worried that we were being absorbed or something. I'm used to it now and sometimes we joke about being the borg and it's funny and convenient.

    Anyway, the last time my self-control failed in a spectacular way, it scared me and everyone who was there really, really badly. If only myself and the person I blew up at had been there, I would have still been freaked out my own level of emotion, but I wouldn't have felt bad otherwise. To say the person provoked me and deserved my response would be an understatement. The other people, unfortunately my kids and teenage brother, did not deserve to see that, though and I regret it deeply that they did.

    I just had no idea I still harbored that much anger. I think Fe is kind of tricky that way. Sometimes it takes a trigger similar to whatever generated the original emotions in order to bring them to our consciousness. I don't know.

    I may have said this earlier in the thread, but the level of emotion I feel on the inside- nobody wants to see that. Really. And it normally takes a lot out of me to get them out anyway, so everybody wins if I mostly keep them safely tucked inside where they belong.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #72

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    "I just had no idea I still harbored that much anger. I think Fe is kind of tricky that way. Sometimes it takes a trigger similar to whatever generated the original emotions in order to bring them to our consciousness."

    Ahhh...yes I've experienced having "melt downs". Writing really helps me stay conscious of the stuff that I try to hide even from myself. But my emotions can still get triggered randomly at times.

    "Hence, I tend to take the position that it's healthy for all types to recognize and integrate their lesser functions (and become well-rounded, whole individuals), rather than just try to cling to their Dominant (and try to live up to an ideal but incomplete image of themselves)."

    How can a person do this? How do you actively use your lesser functions?
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  3. #73
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    I haven't read the thread; I'll just respond to this one point.

    In PUM II, Keirsey revised that passage to read: "Counselors [INFJs] make outstanding individual therapists who have a unique ability to get in touch with their patients' inner lives, though they are also the most vulnerable of all the types to the eruption of their own repressed thoughts and feelings.".

    I take that to meant that they get caught by surprise when their own Superego or Id aspect comes bubbling up to the surface under stress. (See the thread http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...super-ego.html ). I once saw an INFJ boss break into a rage and then almost instantly into tears and helplessness simply because one of his subordinates disagreed with him on how to handle a minor problem. (I assume the INFJ was severely stressed in his personal life, to have fallen apart so spectacularly and publicly over a minor problem.)

    Anyway, I'm no expert on INFJs. But INFJs seem so reserved and "together," that it may be a big point of shame for them when they lose it under stress.

    It also makes me doubt the practicability of such sentiments from an INFJ as "My soulmate should be able to understand everything about me." Frankly, I'm not sure even INFJs themselves really understand themselves all that well. They seem terribly caught by surprise and ashamed when their facade crumbles under stress.

    Hence, I tend to take the position that it's healthy for all types to recognize and integrate their lesser functions (and become well-rounded, whole individuals), rather than just try to cling to their Dominant (and try to live up to an ideal but incomplete image of themselves).

    Just my own opinion, of course. A controversial and not necessarily flattering opinion, I know.
    I'm afraid you read way too far into my desire for a soulmate, lol. Notice that I put "ideal" in quotations, which is basically my way of saying "fat chance" and "be careful what you wish for". This is just me dreaming big and not feeling guilty about it.

    I also wouldn't say that I don't understand myself; but that's not to say I didn't have to go through trial and error.
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  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I may have said this earlier in the thread, but the level of emotion I feel on the inside- nobody wants to see that. Really. And it normally takes a lot out of me to get them out anyway, so everybody wins if I mostly keep them safely tucked inside where they belong.
    It wasn't that bad. It was just out of character. But once I saw that aspect of him, I simply integrated it into my concept of him, and it wasn't a problem for me anymore when he occasionally lost it a bit.

    The main problem was with him and his running from that side of himself. He seemed to think that that part tainted him, when he would have done better to tap into it more often and get more competent at using it for effect. I.e., embrace a self-picture which includes some occasional histrionics.

    Because in the end, that's who he was anyway, whether he liked it or not. The histrionics were occasionally going to come out sooner or later, no matter how hard he tried to keep them down. Might as well just own up to them, claim them, and put them to good use.

  5. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    I'm afraid you read way too far into my desire for a soulmate, lol. Notice that I put "ideal" in quotations, which is basically my way of saying "fat chance" and "be careful what you wish for". This is just me dreaming big and not feeling guilty about it.

    I also wouldn't say that I don't understand myself; but that's not to say I didn't have to go through trial and error.
    Fair enough. I was talking about INFJs in general (not you specifically), based on what I've seen of them. See my post about my boss and my opinion that he was running from his histrionic side.

  6. #76
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    It wasn't that bad. It was just out of character. But once I saw that aspect of him, I simply integrated it into my concept of him, and it wasn't a problem for me anymore when he occasionally lost it a bit.

    The main problem was with him and his running from that side of himself. He seemed to think that that part tainted him, when he would have done better to tap into it more often and get more competent at using it for effect. I.e., embrace a self-picture which includes some occasional histrionics.

    Because in the end, that's who he was anyway, whether he liked it or not. The histrionics were occasionally going to come out sooner or later, no matter how hard he tried to keep them down. Might as well just own up to them, claim them, and put them to good use.
    That would be the ideal, but I'm not sure that I, at least, am capable of that. I love moderation and practice it in most areas of my life, but emotions? Does not seem to work that way at all. It's pretty much all or nothing. Sometimes you can vent it a little and keep it reasonable, but it's tricky and it's an art. Maybe it was different with him because it's harder for F guys, I don't know. I don't consider that my emotions taint me, but I do consider them private and that I should decide when, if, and how I share them, which is, for me, not very often and under a reasonable amount of control.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Desert Flower View Post
    How can a person do this? How do you actively use your lesser functions?
    See this thread: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...developed.html

    Also, see my comments about my boss losing it occasionally.

    Also, I realize that Fi-Doms (INFP, ISFP) kind of enjoy digging around in their hidden, darker aspects while other Dominants might not. But there's a book linked in the latter half of the "How can Inferior Functions Be Developed" thread that might help.

  8. #78

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    One more question, don't we naturally move through our functions as we mature? As I get older, I'll start using more Introverted Thinking and Extroverted Sensing.
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  9. #79

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    thanks
    Introverted (I) 57.14% Extroverted (E) 42.86%
    Intuitive (N) 66.67% Sensing (S) 33.33%
    Feeling (F) 61.54% Thinking (T) 38.46%
    Judging (J) 51.22% Perceiving (P) 48.78%

    Your type is: INFJ

  10. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't consider that my emotions taint me, but I do consider them private and that I should decide when, if, and how I share them, which is, for me, not very often and under a reasonable amount of control.
    You have a big family and a lot going on. I can understand where you need to look carefully at how your emotions affect others. That is, I can see where you would need to keep an even keel in order to maintain a secure environment for everyone who depends on you.

    That particular outlook is precisely what makes INFJs such great leaders. But it may come at a price, in the sense that INFJs may end up being kind of haunted by something inside which can't be let out. (Just speculating here, based on the example of my boss and one or two other INFJ acquaintances.)

    Oh well, I'll drop out of this thread. I'm not INFJ or an expert on INFJs, so I don't want to influence the discussion further.

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