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  1. #1
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Default INFPs and Low Self Esteem

    What would cause an INFP to have low self esteem?

    Please provide feedback on my Nohari and Johari Window by clicking here: Nohari/Johari

    Tri-type 639

  2. #2
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    Is that a trick question?

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    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    If you provide more details I suspect the INFPs would be more than happy to speculate.

    My executive summary would involve the fact that we tend to not fit into our environments as a child, which makes us feel like outsiders that have to straddle the line between fitting in and being ourselves.

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    This is just a wild guess and is not at all based on my observations.

    Other people.

    I can expand on that, but I'll leave it up to INFPs.

  5. #5
    Warflower Nijntje's Avatar
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    EVERYTHING!!!

    It's the feeling of being constantly the outsider and not quite like you fit in...

    Terrible things happen to good people every day.
    Consequentially, I am not one of the good people.
    I am one of the terrible things.
    .



    Conclusion: Dinosaurs


  6. #6
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    severe acne

  7. #7
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    If you consider the order of their cognitive functions, it's almost a given that there will be some downward spiralling.

    Fi>Ne>Si>Te

  8. #8
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Some of this makes INFPs sound like they're born with low self-esteem. I don't want to accept that. Why is this an intrinsic feature of a Type?

    Just to be clear, I don't mean to come off rude by anything I say here.. I have severe bouts of it myself (I don't want to validate my pain too much.. just take my word for it). I just wonder where it's coming from for you, and what you do about it. Also, I wonder if you have concrete reasons for feeling left out, or is it some hard-to-pin-down existential void? Or maybe a little of both?

    At the risk of sounding bombastic, I've always felt something like an alchemist with my issues. Confidence that boils out from within (only to die down again later). I've always somehow managed to transmute these problems into something more.. I could reshape myself if I wanted or needed to experience something new. Enough to even become somewhat popular and leader-like for awhile, then sinking back down, then up, etc.. To put another spin on this process: I went to some acting workshops in my 20's, and within a couple of weeks, the teacher told me that I didn't really need to stay around. "You're already an actor." She wanted me to go out on my own and just audition (ironically, I didn't have enough self-esteem with the reality of that). Point being that I could draw a lot of things out of myself, if necessary. Do any of you feel this way? Or are you consistently feeling low self-esteem? I also hear that INFPs (or Fi period?) are always trying to be "authentic". Do you never lie or channel characters or role models to cope (yes, I'm serious)? Or do you insist on feeling exactly what you feel at all times? Maybe that's the difference. Because personally, a lot of my more courageous moments required that I be completely full of it to get through something.. and in the process, kind of "live it", where it wasn't fake, but a new addition to my experiences.

    Sorry for making this long. I'm not trying to talk about myself so much as wondering where the lack of self-esteem comes from, and why INFPs announce it so often. Hopefully I'm contributing to the discussion. There's a trend for people to call INFPs emo and for INFPs themselves to embrace it, and I'm just curious why it persists.

    Lastly, I said I wouldn't validate my pain, but I get the impression that someone could be tempted to say they feel more or they're deeper or this or that. I don't know how to symbolize my own sense of dejection other than saying I was sexually abused at 6; I must have gotten in a dozen fights growing too..and things stolen from me.. lots of lame crap in little ways; I also grew up as an Asian in Texas, so that's another contribution to feeling out of place (I can't stress that enough.. get called a gook or chink enough and you start telling yourself that don't fit in). No ambiguous existentism in my case. It's fairly obvious that life can be rotten in concrete ways. Yet I don't want to call myself an emo. What the hell is making INFPs different than me. I thought I had it pretty bad, and here I am wishing I could understand and help.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    At the risk of sounding bombastic, I've always felt something like an alchemist with my issues. Confidence that boils out from within (only to die down again later). I've always somehow managed to transmute these problems into something more.. I could reshape myself if I wanted or needed to experience something new. Enough to even become somewhat popular and leader-like for awhile, then sinking back down, then up, etc.. To put another spin on this process: I went to some acting workshops in my 20's, and within a couple of weeks, the teacher told me that I didn't really need to stay around. "You're already an actor." She wanted me to go out on my own and just audition (ironically, I didn't have enough self-esteem with the reality of that). Point being that I could draw a lot of things out of myself, if necessary. Do any of you feel this way? Or are you consistently feeling low self-esteem? I also hear that INFPs (or Fi period?) are always trying to be "authentic". Do you never lie or channel characters or role models to cope (yes, I'm serious)? Or do you insist on feeling exactly what you feel at all times? Maybe that's the difference. Because personally, a lot of my more courageous moments required that I be completely full of it to get through something.. and in the process, kind of "live it", where it wasn't fake, but a new addition to my experiences.
    I know what you are talking about. It's like if I am given a leadership role, I think of it exactly like that, it is a role and not in conflict with my real self. I assume that people know it is a role, and won't think of me as a hypocrite or fake, or something. I can change myself into many different roles, kinda talk myself into having some set of thoughts in the situation, it is very much like acting for me. But this is not something I can keep up. That's why I wouldn't be a good leader every day from nine to five. I can do it for a time, but my real self is by far easier for me. It can even feel like I am sacrificing something to change into the person I need to become. So, I don't do it for nothing, I need to feel there is a reason for the "sacrifice".

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by highlander View Post
    What would cause an INFP to have low self esteem?
    Think of it as getting arrested: "Anything you (the non-INFP) say can and will be used against you."

    It all depends, really. I'm not sure quite how to describe it.

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