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  1. #31
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    I've felt it...just once. Long time ago.

    I don't think the experience will ever come again.

    Same for who I was with.

  2. #32
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    i'd like to look at instinctual subtypes. it seems more of a big deal for sx types. more about desire, merging, and ecstasy than pleasure itself.

    sp types sometimes seem to go even further into themselves and away from others. the stresses of the world fade away/get drown out.

    for sx types it feels more like a celebration, a totally consuming expression of what you want, your focus, your completion. for nf types (with sx doms) this is more specifically focused on a holistic way of communion--connecting, communicating, recognizing each other in a shared world you create. you totally fucking touch base, jostle each other so that you listen to and SEE/recognize each other more fully and completely. feels like removing the veils and cloudiness. sp types seem more practical, and sex is seen for its place within the scope of life rather than an opportunity to well up all your life energies and catalyze them to get them to turn into an all-consuming passion/identification with passion. it's less dramatic. it's more focused on the basic effects and less grandiosely interpreted, less representative of more than itself.

  3. #33
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    ^I dunno, state.

    Intimate experiences for me, with those I have deep feelings for, are really important and meaningful. Yes, it obviously feels good, but it's due to the person I am with and the love/connection I am feeling towards him. It's super intense on an emotional level for me. I wouldn't say 'spiritual' per se, but given how I am in day-to-day life and my lack of spirituality, heck, maybe it's my version of spiritual - of oneness with another human being, for that moment in time that I just want to stretch out into infinity. (This doesn't even have to be the act of sex, btw - could just be an intense makeout session or a shared experience..but since this thread is about the physical, I'll stick to that). I want to stay there forever, it can be so f*cking amazing and I can actually release myself and I'm no longer so shelled in. It's freeing. Just me and that person, that's all that matters, honestly these moments/connections with another (that happen so rarely for me) are one of a handful of things that are the truly rich/amazing aspects of life and make it so worth living.

    And, I'm pretty darn sp.

    (Also, I don't really have any pleasure at all going physical with those I don't have feelings for - I've tried it and I end up feeling a bit of self-loathing, so it's definitely not just a physical need for me. Frankly I can live life just fine without the act of sex, so it's definitely the person & that shared connection, for me - and the person makes me really desirous of the physical intimacy)
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  4. #34
    Member kccrush's Avatar
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    I think you can only have the sexual spiritual experience when it's requited. So yes, but only when I'm seriously deeply in love, and come to think of it, that has only happened on one occasion (with one person multiple times...). Love expressed through sex, through making love, to me is spiritual. I fully concur, but don't think it can be one-sided. That I don't relate to nor do I believe it's even possible.

  5. #35
    Member EnflamedHeartofSand's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    The reason I'm engaging you is that you used words taken from my previous post and disparaged them and discounted them. It was kind of a passive aggressive attack on my opinion and experiences -- which you asked for when you made this thread. So do not engage further if that is your choice, but in this, as in all human interactions, the only person's actions you can control are your own.
    Thank you, point taken, received(well), and understood.

  6. #36
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    first of all, your avatar is neat, enflamed.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I work towards pleasing my husband on a daily basis. I think about him in virtually every decision I make. I've made it my life mission to learn to read him and how to best love him in a way that is meaningful to him.

    Now I am a spiritual person but I don't make a big differentiation between the spiritual and the mundane. That which is done in love, whether it's wiping a baby's poopy butt or cooking someone's favorite meal, or holding someone while praying for them and comforting them, or feeling the awe of nature or feeling that Presence in church -- to me, all spiritual and all mundane. All good and wonderful.

    So is sex a spiritual experience? To me, not any more than anything else is. It's a precious, private, special experience, but -- to me -- not magical or mystical. It is really intense and feels amazing and personally, only something I do with my life-mate. It's one of the best things in life.

    But, hell, you are probably going to do it thousands of times in your life. It's just one component of life and one component of a relationship. How you treat your partner during a disagreement -- to me -- is more an indicator of your love for them than whether you have some kind of mystical experience during sex.
    this is lovely, cafe, and i feel very similarly. i can have a spiritual flash almost anywhere, and sometimes at times when i am with other people we have spiritual flashes together. in a relationship or at a gathering.

    Quote Originally Posted by EnflamedHeartofSand View Post
    I think there is always more to it than just sex,
    i think there is an important thing here, which is that there is always going to be more meaning and thought and whatnot going on than just sex, yet ultimately, it is quite possible for all signifies in my life being having sex. just because it calls up a host of other thoughts and associations doesn't necessarily make it a pivotal point, you know? sure it's meaningful, but so is the garbage i took out last night. that's just the way an NF brain - anyone's brain really - works. but i can make that sexual experience and its associations register quite low in terms of importance, or quite high, depending on the circumstances of the event. i've had an experience before that didn't mean anything to me, really, besides showing me that i was simultaneously more immature and more mature than i realized. the psychological stuff on my end still is important to me, but not what went on with the person i was with - he was just a nice guy. an acquaintance i shared a pleasant experience with... there wasn't really any psychological or spiritual bonding. i think you kind of have an awareness when that happens. that didn't happen with him, and i think we were both totally fine with that. it wasn't what either of us was looking for.

    After imagining what it might be like to have sex with a girl whom I love very much, began to wonder...."what if she held back?"
    well, what if she did? i don't think sex can ever truly be a full and complete merging... each person will always be themselves, and you cannot become that other person. but that's no reason there cannot be a spiritual overlapping. i have been completely honest beyond words with someone, but i still cannot possibly ever share every single thing that makes up me with them. it would take millenia... but i have given my all to someone, in that i feel so strongly for them that it eclipses all my senses and thought for a time. even if she is holding back certain parts of herself, what if she is giving in another that is so important that it rises to the forefront and obscures everything else for a while? there is a communion there.

  7. #37
    THIS bitch stringstheory's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Sex is really the only time I can shut my frigging, pesty brain off and just enjoy physically feeling.
    Exactly.

    if we're going by the definition of spiritual relating to the spirit or the soul, as opposed to physical or material things, I do that enough with so many other life experiences. I don't need to do it with everything, and this is one of the things I'd prefer to keep from being....i almost want to say "tainted" but that has too much of a negative connotation....but yeah, tainted. And let me try my best to explain why:

    Quote Originally Posted by EnflamedHeartofSand View Post
    Though I agree, that someone might not believe that sex is a completely transcendent experience, and that sex itself is not a transcendent experience, unless done in such a way that one does wish to unveil themselves completely to another....to say that it is a mutual satisfaction of a strong physical need I think is an excuse....it is definitely a mutual satisfaction of a strong physical need but if that is all it is, then it is on it's way to becoming a source of self satisfaction, where the other is slowly becoming obsolete.
    Se is not "my" realm; that's Ne and/or Fi. I unveil myself to others through my ideas, my values and making connections with others verbally. To unveil myself through an extremely physical act just doesn't come naturally to me, so if the purpose were to share myself with someone, I'd switch to Ne/Fi mode and I'd miss the joy that comes from a very physical act.

    So if i allow Ne and Fi to take over then they overshadow my entire experience. I wouldn't actually end up sharing myself with anyone. It would all be in my head with no outlet to express any of it because it's not the place nor the time for me. Maybe that's just me, but sometimes I need to have that line drawn somewhere and this is one of the places I draw it; doesn't mean that it's not meaningful. it's just something that's a more satisfying experience for both parties if it stays out of a "spiritual" realm IME.

    i hope this made some sense, this actually was very difficult to articulate.
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  8. #38
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    Sex is whatever you make it.

  9. #39
    Member EnflamedHeartofSand's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    well, what if she did? i don't think sex can ever truly be a full and complete merging... each person will always be themselves, and you cannot become that other person. but that's no reason there cannot be a spiritual overlapping. i have been completely honest beyond words with someone, but i still cannot possibly ever share every single thing that makes up me with them. it would take millenia... but i have given my all to someone, in that i feel so strongly for them that it eclipses all my senses and thought for a time. even if she is holding back certain parts of herself, what if she is giving in another that is so important that it rises to the forefront and obscures everything else for a while? there is a communion there.
    I think you hit the nail right on the head here sky, about wanting to become the other person, and about sex being incomplete in that way.

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