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  1. #1
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ in want of snuggles tonight

    Not quite sure what it is. When I'm "single", I'm fine with not having snuggles very regularly. I just go get a massage or whatever and it's fine.

    But man. Once I get "primed" with snuggles, I want them ALL the time. Especially when I'm used to getting them and then I'm not getting them for whatever reason (OK, I'll fess. The INTP is in cave-man mode this weekend). What gives?

  2. #2
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Gotta keep that oxytocin flowing.

  3. #3
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Hormones suck. :P

  4. #4
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    Ahh the fire gazing cave man.. He has been confounding women since the dawn of humanity..

    Cinnamon rolls work for me.. Do you bake?

    Edit.. Go ask him if he would rather be a Jedi or Sith and why.

  5. #5
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Funny, cuz last night I had this OVERWHELMING (bold/caps for emphasis! ) urge to hug the ENFJ in my life that I adore oh-so-much. It was probably a good thing the ENFJ wasn't in my vicinity, cuz if she was I probably would've suffocated said ENFJ in the depths of our hugglefest.

    *clears throat* That aside...

    So let's get this straight... are you looking for ways to drag your INTP out of his cave? Is that the intention of this thread?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

    "Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience." - Greg King
    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  6. #6
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Ahh the fire gazing cave man.. He has been confounding women since the dawn of humanity..

    Cinnamon rolls work for me.. Do you bake?

    Edit.. Go ask him if he would rather be a Jedi or Sith and why.
    Yes, I do bake, but I don't have an oven with which to bake with.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    So let's get this straight... are you looking for ways to drag your INTP out of his cave? Is that the intention of this thread?
    No, I think it's fine if he needs to stay in his cave for a while. I understand that need, and I really want to give that to him. I just kind of wish, you know, he could have told me beforehand (I know! I know!) and then I wouldn't have to spend the weekend thinking I did something wrong and simultaneously keep myself from contacting him (because, you know, I can give him his cave).

    I just wish I didn't crave snuggles so much. I guess I got used to getting a certain amount of snuggles every week, and the abrupt change in the general way-things-were-going makes me feel a little off.

  7. #7
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    No, I think it's fine if he needs to stay in his cave for a while. I understand that need, and I really want to give that to him. I just kind of wish, you know, he could have told me beforehand (I know! I know!) and then I wouldn't have to spend the weekend thinking I did something wrong and simultaneously keep myself from contacting him (because, you know, I can give him his cave).
    Aw... you sound like a very supportive person (here are some free snuggles for you! ). Personal space means a lot to us INTP's; someone who is understanding of our need for "the cave" is very much appreciated.

    What I can tell you right now is I'm 99.8% certain that he doesn't have a problem with you. For many INTP's, their need for "the cave" is just as strong as any ENFJ's need for appreciation/emotional validation. Note: Female INTP's (self included) have this impulse as well as the male INTP's. I would go so far as to say that "caving" is the default mode of INTP's. We feel most at peace when we're caving... as in when we're alone, comtemplating, and relaxing. When we do this, it's not intended as a rejection of you; you seem to understand this in theory, but find it more difficult to accept in practice (please do correct me if I'm wrong).

    ^ I'm not trying to accuse you of anything here, by the way; just stating my opinions/perceptions.

    The problem that needs to be addressed here, IMO: your INTP is unaware of the extent to which his caving affects you. He isn't aware of the fact that without some sort of reassurance from him, you won't feel as secure about the relationship as he does (which is NOT your fault). The quickest way to resolve this issue is to tell him flat-out that you would appreciate it if he would inform you beforehand that he needs some time alone. As long as he understands that the issue is there, he'll make efforts to accomodate to your needs.

    If that method makes you uncomfortable, you can also try lavishing him with "rewards" (hugs, kisses, gifts, compliments, etc.; whatever he likes and reponds well to) when he comes back to you from his cave. You know this already, but I'm going to say it again for emphasis: do NOT punish your INTP for going to his cave. Keep rewarding him for coming back to you. This is how the ENFJ in my life got me to keep coming back to her... and I've gotta tell ya, she has me hooked for good.

    I just wish I didn't crave snuggles so much. I guess I got used to getting a certain amount of snuggles every week, and the abrupt change in the general way-things-were-going makes me feel a little off.
    I relate very much to your INTP in that I tend to sporadically cut off affection from people I care about without being self-aware of it. The ENFJ in my life facilitated a great deal of emotional growth in me when she made me aware of the gaps that I created in our relationship. Nowadays I make conscious efforts to be accomodating of the ENFJ's needs, cuz I understand that she doesn't like asking for help/support/loving gestures.

    TBH the whole effort I'm making to accomodate to the ENFJ's needs make my life very fulfilling. Not only is it a good goal to strive to achieve, but it also makes me feel like I'm a good person (something I don't get to feel quite often! )

    Tis from another thread:
    Quote Originally Posted by Costrin View Post
    The INTPs inferior and aspirational function... Fe is a nebulous function for INTPs. Many INTPs reject and are actually afraid of it. But when used, it gives the INTP a sense of satisfaction, a �warm n' fuzzy� feeling.
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    The worst mistake people make in political arguments is assuming that the other side is not trying to do the right thing. This simple oversight makes productive conversation nearly impossible.

  8. #8
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post



    No, I think it's fine if he needs to stay in his cave for a while. I understand that need, and I really want to give that to him. I just kind of wish, you know, he could have told me beforehand (I know! I know!) and then I wouldn't have to spend the weekend thinking I did something wrong and simultaneously keep myself from contacting him (because, you know, I can give him his cave).

    I just wish I didn't crave snuggles so much. I guess I got used to getting a certain amount of snuggles every week, and the abrupt change in the general way-things-were-going makes me feel a little off.
    I get this often. My ENFJ wants to snuggle and generally I give in because well, I'm a big pushover and he's bigger than me and sometimes he pins me down with a limb but be that as it may, I need time in the man-cave (yes I know I'm not a man). I wish we could give you ample warning of when this need arises but please stop thinking it's something you did. And don't ask several times if something is wrong. We'll tell you if there is.

    If you need more snuggles the best thing is to just say that. Make a spreadsheet or something showing what you need on one side and the days of the week broken into hours. Maybe an agreement. X amount of snuggles gets me X amount of sex? No don't do that, you'll give the "I'm not a piece of meat" hurt look like I get.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    I used to try and cuddle and show love to my ENTP man but he has pushed me away so much that Im weary to even try anymore, its always on his terms. I dont want to be rejected anymore . He is just so mean about it too! We are currently in limbo right now, not sure if we are right for each other, it sucks. I give him all the space he needs...but now its to the point where I feel lonely even if he is around. I think our relationship is almost done.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  10. #10
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Oh, sweet Lawwwwwwd--I have an INTP, too. He's the best man in the whole world and I just love IXTPs . But...

    Holy shit, he just came in with some random stuff....He's Ne-ing.

    But when he's Ti-ing, watch out!!!!

    Si-ing is awesome. He's like a marching encyclopedia of knowledge.

    And Fe-ing is just. He's getting shockingly good/better at it though.

    My husband is really mature because he knows when Ti is needed, but he also knows when to quit, but I have to be aware that his Ne moments don't collide with a Fi/Te moment from me. Because I think he sometimes felt and when he was Ne-ing and I was Te-ing or Fi-ing.

    Sometimes I Ne when he Tis, and that's just like ***RED ERROR BUZZER***

    Like shoo, scat, get the fuck OUTTA HERE!!!!!! DAMN IT!!!!!! LOL

    But it's nothing you or I do (I had to LEARN that because I always take people's shit on me).

    They just need that like I need my Ne and Te. No Ne + Te = really fucking apeshit LL. No Ti LL's husband = OMG.

    The best is when his Ne and my Ne come together. HOLY SHIT!!! It's like a WHOA-fest.

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