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  1. #11
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    I would go so far as to say that "caving" is the default mode of INTP's. We feel most at peace when we're caving... as in when we're alone, comtemplating, and relaxing. When we do this, it's not intended as a rejection of you
    This. It's a necessity. You can't have us in your life (and have us actually be happy in the relationship) unless we have this and you learn to accept it.

    you can also try lavishing him with "rewards" (hugs, kisses, gifts, compliments, etc.; whatever he likes and reponds well to) when he comes back to you from his cave. You know this already, but I'm going to say it again for emphasis: do NOT punish your INTP for going to his cave. Keep rewarding him for coming back to you.
    Now there's a thought! I've always been punished and after a while I'm like, "You know what, game over."
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  2. #12
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    What I can tell you right now is I'm 99.8% certain that he doesn't have a problem with you.
    I *know* this, but I still can't help but feel like I did something wrong. We usually spend part of the weekend together, but obviously we haven't done anything this weekend, and he had to cancel plans with me (that we already had) next weekend because he's feting his uncle and his uncle's girlfriend (who are visiting from out-of-town). I don't anticipate he will invite me along with any of his feting next weekend, so the only time we'll get to see each other is during our dance class (which starts Thursday).

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    We feel most at peace when we're caving... as in when we're alone, comtemplating, and relaxing. When we do this, it's not intended as a rejection of you; you seem to understand this in theory, but find it more difficult to accept in practice (please do correct me if I'm wrong).
    It's definitely hard to accept in practice. If he had reassured me that everything between us was OK then it would be easier. Then again, I would probably think, "if everything is OK how come you don't want to spend time with me?"

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    If that method makes you uncomfortable, you can also try lavishing him with "rewards" (hugs, kisses, gifts, compliments, etc.; whatever he likes and reponds well to) when he comes back to you from his cave. You know this already, but I'm going to say it again for emphasis: do NOT punish your INTP for going to his cave. Keep rewarding him for coming back to you.
    I do this already. He hasn't said anything about it, but I do think he appreciates it.

    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    TBH the whole effort I'm making to accomodate to the ENFJ's needs make my life very fulfilling. Not only is it a good goal to strive to achieve, but it also makes me feel like I'm a good person (something I don't get to feel quite often! )
    He told me the other night (granted, he was quite drunk) that he thought I was a much better person than him, because I was OK with being the designated driver for the evening and putting up with his silly drunk behavior. This is a person whose friends all say he is a stand-up-and-all-around-good guy.

    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    If you need more snuggles the best thing is to just say that. Make a spreadsheet or something showing what you need on one side and the days of the week broken into hours. Maybe an agreement. X amount of snuggles gets me X amount of sex? No don't do that, you'll give the "I'm not a piece of meat" hurt look like I get.
    He's said that he's not involved with me for just the sex. He made a big point of it.

    He's only recently become more open about that aspect of our relationship; I suspect he was afraid our sex drives weren't compatible.

  3. #13
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    Watch a movie: Pan's Labyrinth.

  4. #14
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    I used to try and cuddle and show love to my ENTP man but he has pushed me away so much that Im weary to even try anymore, its always on his terms. I dont want to be rejected anymore . He is just so mean about it too! We are currently in limbo right now, not sure if we are right for each other, it sucks. I give him all the space he needs...but now its to the point where I feel lonely even if he is around. I think our relationship is almost done.
    WHAT?! That's an outrage!


    Come over here and I'll snuggle you all you want. Goodness knows Domino is proabably weary of me huggling her all day. But, it's what I do.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Rebe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyJaye View Post
    WHAT?! That's an outrage!


    Come over here and I'll snuggle you all you want. Goodness knows Domino is proabably weary of me huggling her all day. But, it's what I do.
    I want in too! I love to snuggle! I am not a very affectionate person, don't like to be touched usually but when it comes to people I love, I WANNA SNUGGLE ALL DAY. I so miss snuggling.

  6. #16
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mysavior View Post
    Watch a movie: Pan's Labyrinth.
    Seen it. Both beautiful and depressing. One of the best fantasy films I've seen in a long time.

    I wish I could be as tough as Mercedes. And the Pale Man freaks me the hell out.

  7. #17
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Snuggling? Never heard of it.

  8. #18
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    Get a cat.

  9. #19
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Get a cat.
    Eeew. I'm more of a dog person. Besides, cats pull the withdraw-and-withholding-snuggles thing too.

    And my apartment doesn't allow pets. Even if it did, it's much too small.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    Eeew. I'm more of a dog person. Besides, cats pull the withdraw-and-withholding-snuggles thing too.

    And my apartment doesn't allow pets. Even if it did, it's much too small.
    A cat who really loves you won't ignore you when you're lonely or sad. That has always been my experience.

    But I agree, they withdraw and withhold. On the other hand, I think dogs are excessively needy.

    But about you. You should rent a dog, then.

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