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  1. #21
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    that's... more literal of a slap than i prefer. to give or receive, lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    Nope. It'd be easier giving you stories in the cases it's happened. I'll spare you though, and just say "doorslamming" has only happened in the case of females and closer friends.. people I either find it hard to be too harsh with or expected more from. I voiced my opinion, but I was at a loss for awhile. That's all it was. For the most part, I'm usually taking a step back and seeing some other point of view with people. It has to be pretty serious to get to this.
    that's what really scares me about the doorslam, though. it's like, the closer you get to someone, the more likely they are to doorslam you out. and then... someone could be left hurt and confused and still totally in love with you. and wanting to fix things but having no idea what they've done wrong.

  2. #22
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    oh yeah! sorry, i was only thinking in the context of Fi and Fe. but you're welcome.

    i imagine your ENTJ bitchslap is masterful in comparison to mine
    Ha ha! Not a pretty sight so I try not to give it free rein.

    As far as yours is concerned, y'all can find the most vulnerable buttons and cause pain, speaking of unworthiness!

  3. #23
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    FWIW, I've been doorslammed too. By (never typed them) what I think were ISFJ. It was rough, I agree. I think Ni is good here though.. it helped me approach them and reach out. I don't see why Ni-Fe is so associated with doorslamming. It's too simple an approach to be a common occurance. Maybe I'm wrong (I'm guilty of some simplicity myself.. like I just let out above).

  4. #24
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Thanks for your explanation. I hear you.

    The bolded area is where it's most difficult for Te-doms. It feels like walking on egg-shells to hold back the intensity of Te-Fi. Intensity that builds when it's being restrained.

    When we experience the Fe-door slam, in the silence, we have no idea what's going on since there's no communication. It might be nothing or something. Add in wonky Fi and Ni going crazy with the possibilities and hopefully, you can see how this would be similar to a pressure cooker.
    I can understand that--I think, thanks to the Fi-Fe thread, I would be better able to deal with it now and adjust my reaction accordingly. But when I've seen it in the past, it tended to make me retreat/scared me off.

    The doorslam does tend to be Fe-Ti paralysis. As someone else said, Fe doesn't really know what to feel, and we want to make sure we've read the situation correctly. Half the time, if I've had resentment directed towards me, I am not really sure what I'm even entitled to feel and respond to, and what would be just me acting out of feeling blindsided. I don't like responding emotionally before I've had a chance for Ti to take a look at it. It's not an intentional freezeout on my part when it happens; I just don't really know how to deal with so much all at once. I need processing time. I'm wondering if it would be better to let the Te-Fi person to have their say, unfiltered, and then the Fe-Ti person to say, "okay, I hear you, but I need some time to think--can we pick this up a little later?"
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post

    that's what really scares me about the doorslam, though. it's like, the closer you get to someone, the more likely they are to doorslam you out. and then... someone could be left hurt and confused and still totally in love with you. and wanting to fix things but having no idea what they've done wrong.
    YES. Exactly. I'd much rather be Te bitchslapped any day of the week.

  6. #26
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can understand that--I think, thanks to the Fi-Fe thread, I would be better able to deal with it now and adjust my reaction accordingly. But when I've seen it in the past, it tended to make me retreat/scared me off.

    The doorslam does tend to be Fe-Ti paralysis. As someone else said, Fe doesn't really know what to feel, and we want to make sure we've read the situation correctly. Half the time, if I've had resentment directed towards me, I am not really sure what I'm even entitled to feel and respond to, and what would be just me acting out of feeling blindsided. I don't like responding emotionally before I've had a chance for Ti to take a look at it. It's not an intentional freezeout on my part when it happens; I just don't really know how to deal with so much all at once. I need processing time. I'm wondering if it would be better to let the Te-Fi person to have their say, unfiltered, and then the Fe-Ti person to say, "okay, I hear you, but I need some time to think--can we pick this up a little later?"


    For me, I could sit and think about it, but I end up laying it aside.. Try to get my mind off of it. Later, a good idea just comes up and I HAVE to express it, in an email or text, etc (sometimes I don't exactly get through, but the process may repeat itself). To me, this is Fe as well.. trying to connect, rather than shutting out. And Ni popping up with ideas on how to do it. The only Ti here is... I guess.. how I might sort of subconsciously phrase things.

    So that's me on the other side of the fence. If I was the one doorslamming a person, it would take an extreme. For example, I was dating someone, and (what I thought) was a good friend got jealous and spread lies to her behind my back, trying to get in her pants. She naively believes it and shuts me out. Leaving me confused, until I finally resolve it. Now for the "friend": This guy gets doorslammed by me. Justifiably. And I'm so disappointed I don't even want to punch him.. I don't even want to see his face or be anywhere around friends who are with him. Thank God, this doesn't happen all the time. I think it's sad if people have to shut out others for something less than that, and behave that way as a rule.

  7. #27
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I can understand that--I think, thanks to the Fi-Fe thread, I would be better able to deal with it now and adjust my reaction accordingly. But when I've seen it in the past, it tended to make me retreat/scared me off.
    That's been one helpful thread for many of us. I'm still trying to process it.

    The doorslam does tend to be Fe-Ti paralysis. As someone else said, Fe doesn't really know what to feel, and we want to make sure we've read the situation correctly. Half the time, if I've had resentment directed towards me, I am not really sure what I'm even entitled to feel and respond to, and what would be just me acting out of feeling blindsided. I don't like responding emotionally before I've had a chance for Ti to take a look at it. It's not an intentional freezeout on my part when it happens; I just don't really know how to deal with so much all at once. I need processing time.
    This is great insight, so thanks for this. In the past, I've had other INTPs try to explain this to me but in the heat of the moment, which makes it difficult to process as a Te-dom since aggression levels are pretty high and we're expecting matching aggression with clear explanations. As you've expressed, like a pitbull.

    I'm wondering if it would be better to let the Te-Fi person to have their say, unfiltered, and then the Fe-Ti person to say, "okay, I hear you, but I need some time to think--can we pick this up a little later?"
    From my perspective, if the time to think is expected behaviour, then yes, it would work. What would also help is some form of set date or time where response is expected, although I'm uncertain how that would work with you, as it relates to feeling pressured.

  8. #28
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Damnit.. I'm tired of saying "this is how this function is", etc.. I think I know the definitions, but I feel like I could step over my boundaries and generalize a type too much. Perhaps INFJs do doorslam a lot. I know I don't. Maybe I'm mistyped (once again). I feel like I have to follow all of these trends on what's agreed on. I'm not a passive-aggressive door slammer enough to be INFJ, not emo enough for INFP, not "go with the flow" enough for ISFP.

    Time to take a break.

  9. #29
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    You'll never know.
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  10. #30
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    The doorslam does tend to be Fe-Ti paralysis. As someone else said, Fe doesn't really know what to feel, and we want to make sure we've read the situation correctly. Half the time, if I've had resentment directed towards me, I am not really sure what I'm even entitled to feel and respond to, and what would be just me acting out of feeling blindsided.
    This really resonated with me.

    The only time I really lash out is when I'm trying to make sense of someone's (perceived) aggression towards me and they just keep piling it on. I can also see how that could be considered a distraction tactic by an Fi/Te user, and it would probably make them want even more to push their point.

    It's an unfortunate communication dynamic sometimes.

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