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  1. #11
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    The Fe Door-slam is passive-aggressive which is antithetical to the Te bitch slap, which vents aggression and is usually over and done with, post aggression. One generates resentment where the other flushes it out.

  2. #12
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    For me, I think if it's gotten that bad, I speak my mind/voice my criticism, but I'm just disgusted enough that I don't want to be in the same room with them afterwards (replace "room" with anything "present"). There are too many issues that I don't feel like dealing with, and the Fe criticism was to let it be known that I was disgusted (this is rare.. I'm not much into permanent doorslams).
    can you define "disgusted"?

  3. #13
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    The Fe Door-slam is passive-aggressive which is antithetical to the Te bitch slap, which vents aggression and is usually over and done with, post aggression. One generates resentment where the other flushes it out.
    Well, the other INTENDS to flush it out. It doesn't always get the result it wants, and might engender resentment on the other side.
    Something Witty

  4. #14
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Well, the other INTENDS to flush it out. It doesn't always get the result it wants, and might engender resentment on the other side.
    Can you explain? And I'm sincerely interested.

  5. #15
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    The Fe Door-slam is passive-aggressive which is antithetical to the Te bitch slap, which vents aggression and is usually over and done with, post aggression. One generates resentment where the other flushes it out.
    actually, i'd normally agree completely with you, but after reading so much on the Fe-Fi thread and given my own recent experiences i think that maybe from different perspectives they both do the same thing.

    kinda like...

    Te bitchslap
    - flushes resentment by getting out aggression
    - generates resentment by making the other person feel hated

    Fe doorslam
    - flushes resentment by giving each person space and time to cool off
    - generates resentment by making the other person feel hated

    i think it has so much to do with the directionality of our functions. for Fi/Ne/Si/Te, the bitchslap works great because we get our inner emotions out, we can see them logically, and then we're done. for Fe/Ni/Se/Ti, the doorslam works better, because they protect themself from doing something they may regret and have time to access Ti without emotional disturbance, and then can come back later when they're ready.

    but to Fi the doorslam is awful because while we're trying to set things right again we get shut out, possibly permanently for all we know, and for Fe the bitchslap is awful because it's a barrage of negativity directed towards them that they can't stop or hide.

  6. #16
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    actually, i'd normally agree completely with you, but after reading so much on the Fe-Fi thread and given my own recent experiences i think that maybe from different perspectives they both do the same thing.

    kinda like...

    Te bitchslap
    - flushes resentment by getting out aggression
    - generates resentment by making the other person feel hated

    Fe doorslam
    - flushes resentment by giving each person space and time to cool off
    - generates resentment by making the other person feel hated

    i think it has so much to do with the directionality of our functions. for Fi/Ne/Si/Te, the bitchslap works great because we get our inner emotions out, we can see them logically, and then we're done. for Fe/Ni/Se/Ti, the doorslam works better, because they protect themself from doing something they may regret and have time to access Ti without emotional disturbance, and then can come back later when they're ready.

    but to Fi the doorslam is awful because while we're trying to set things right again we get shut out, possibly permanently for all we know, and for Fe the bitchslap is awful because it's a barrage of negativity directed towards them that they can't stop or hide.
    That's an interesting perspective and something for me to consider, so thanks. I've also been following that thread but since it's more from an NFs perspective, there were certain concepts that weren't applicable to a Te-dom.

  7. #17
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Can you explain? And I'm sincerely interested.
    Well, when it gets to the point where the Te user feels the need to air everything out in a bitchslappy sort of manner, it kind of feels like being attacked by a pit bull in the name of fixing the relationship. But it doesn't feel conciliatory (to an Fe user)--it feels like emotional dumping plus accusations in order to make the Te(Fi) user feel better. And if it involves the Fi user saying lots of (what we'd deem) nasty things in order to get our attention that they might not really mean, it could very possibly and likely cause resentment in the Fe user, because we work really hard at NOT intentionally saying things that would hurt someone we care about, even in the heat of the moment. Especially in the heat of the moment. So in my mind, the fullblown Te bitchslap backfires, because it makes me feel badly towards a person that I feel attacked me, when I would have been happy to hear them out if they'd approached it calmly, and I wonder if the harsh stuff they said is how they REALLY feel about me. I always wonder why they couldn't have brought it up before it got to that level of urgency, when I would have been receptive.
    Something Witty

  8. #18
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    can you define "disgusted"?
    Nope. It'd be easier giving you stories in the cases it's happened. I'll spare you though, and just say "doorslamming" has only happened in the case of females and closer friends.. people I either find it hard to be too harsh with or expected more from. I voiced my opinion, but I was at a loss for awhile. That's all it was. For the most part, I'm usually taking a step back and seeing some other point of view with people. It has to be pretty serious to get to this.

    If you think I can't bitchslap though, I've done it literally. I've slapped one guy, choked another, slammed another's head into a wall, knocked people out, had to fend off multiple people, and slapped down all of them. I'm not a badass or anything (I don't want to sound like I'm saying it for that reason)..I'm sure there are other people at this site who've done some of this.. What's ironic to me though is the one I suspect that shares a similar history is Juice - another NFJ. Either that, or he was trying to be an ISTP in his youth and me an ESTP. Either way, I don't characterize myself with passive-aggression necessarily. I prefer to regulate things with "F"/Fe (regulate sounds mechanical, but I mean, I strive for that), but I've been known to do other things. I don't know what "function" it was. Self-defense, rage, etc..

  9. #19
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    That's an interesting perspective and something for me to consider, so thanks. I've also been following that thread but since it's more from an NFs perspective, there were certain concepts that weren't applicable to a Te-dom.
    oh yeah! sorry, i was only thinking in the context of Fi and Fe. but you're welcome.

    i imagine your ENTJ bitchslap is masterful in comparison to mine

  10. #20
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Well, when it gets to the point where the Te user feels the need to air everything out in a bitchslappy sort of manner, it kind of feels like being attacked by a pit bull in the name of fixing the relationship. But it doesn't feel conciliatory (to an Fe user)--it feels like emotional dumping plus accusations in order to make the Te(Fi) user feel better. And if it involves the Fi user saying lots of (what we'd deem) nasty things in order to get our attention that they might not really mean, it could very possibly and likely cause resentment in the Fe user, because we work really hard at NOT intentionally saying things that would hurt someone we care about, even in the heat of the moment. Especially in the heat of the moment. So in my mind, the fullblown Te bitchslap backfires, because it makes me feel badly towards a person that I feel attacked me, when I would have been happy to hear them out if they'd approached it calmly, and I wonder if the harsh stuff they said is how they REALLY feel about me. I always wonder why they couldn't have brought it up before it got to that level of urgency, when I would have been receptive.
    Thanks for your explanation. I hear you.

    The bolded area is where it's most difficult for Te-doms. It feels like walking on egg-shells to hold back the intensity of Te-Fi. Intensity that builds when it's being restrained.

    When we experience the Fe-door slam, in the silence, we have no idea what's going on since there's no communication. It might be nothing or something. Add in wonky Fi and Ni going crazy with the possibilities and hopefully, you can see how this would be similar to a pressure cooker.

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