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[Fe] See yourself as others see you?

Lily flower

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Jun 28, 2010
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Do you ever wish you could see yourself as others see you? I always feel like I have no idea how I come across to people.

These thoughts often come up when I meet a person who is obviously completely un-self-aware (think Michael on the "Office"). I start to think, "could I be acting socially unacceptable and not even know it?"
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
Yes. However, I'm already extremely self-conscious, so I spend an awful lot of time worrying about how I come across to people. I don't think that the way I act is socially unacceptable, but I definitely try to control myself all the time to make sure I'm not, which, in turn comes across as being very reserved, cold, aloof and unapproachable. :doh:

From time to time I have to remind myself to snap out of it because I'm sure others don't spend even a fracture of their attention span thinking about me. Definitely not as much as I think they might be. :laugh:
 
Last edited:

animenagai

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lol yes I do wonder that. I'm hoping that maybe if I video myself or something, I can get a better insight into how other people see me. Could be healthy.
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
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lol yes I do wonder that. I'm hoping that maybe if I video myself or something, I can get a better insight into how other people see me. Could be healthy.
Yes i have thought this, but i would have to not know it was there.
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
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Everyone sees me differently. Some people think I'm nice, some think I'm crazy, some think I'm smart, some think I'm chaotic, most people think I'm lazy, there are people who despise me but I've also heard of people who admire me for some reason. I also see certain people different than others. But why would I want to know how others see me? So I can change myself according to their standards? I guess being the way everyone else wants me to be, would make me a very dull girl. As long as I like myself, everything is just fine.
 

skylights

i love
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i want to know too, because i think it's important to understand if i'm getting across to others what i would like to get across. i am quite self-conscious as well and sometimes it backfires, with me saying or doing awkward things in the heat of the moment. though generally i find that they seemed far more awkward to me than to others and that the things i actually do that are awkward, i don't even realize.
 

Udog

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I think most of us have various "Michael from the office" aspects to our personalities.

I've been asking a few people who know me well, and who I trust to be honest, various questions about how I come across. Their answers have been beyond enlightening.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
There is ONLY one person that I trust to call me out on my BS...an ISFP. Ironically, my ENFJ teacher used to bluntly and accurately call me out on little things. My INFP mother does this a little bit for me but she says many things to validate what she beliefs without trying to understand where I am coming from especially if I hurt her. Everyone else says very surface level things about me. If you don't try to see where I am coming from and call me out on shit....it's not going to go well. However, if you can accurately see where I am coming from and still call me out on shit, then I'm all ears and can take the criticism.
 

Lady_X

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I feel much stronger than I believe others perceive me as. I think most see me as vulnerable..sweet and childlike or something..it seems to evoke feelings of protectiveness or mothering..it's very sweet but I'm not sure how I feel about that..I think I'd prefer people to realize I can take care of myself but in a sense I get it because I can be the same way towards others.

It's just that it's everyone my whole life..from teachers to neighbors to the people that work at the convienance stores..is that weird or does anyone know what I'm talking about?
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I feel much stronger than I believe others perceive me as. I think most see me as vulnerable..sweet and childlike or something..it seems to evoke feelings of protectiveness or mothering..it's very sweet but I'm not sure how I feel about that..I think I'd prefer people to realize I can take care of myself but in a sense I get it because I can be the same way towards others.

It's just that it's everyone my whole life..from teachers to neighbors to the people that work at the convienance stores..is that weird or does anyone know what I'm talking about?
haha, I feel you. I once had an older ENFP male teacher tell me I was "sweet" and "precious" and I am almost 21. Plus, many others... it's kinda cool because you can get away with things but doesn't it get old after awhile? :steam:
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
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May 22, 2008
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I would like to know, just for fun... I bet I'd be surprised. But no more self-consciousness thank you. I've had enough for this life-time.

The range must be quite wide, I'm sure, because not many people are close to me, I guess most of the people I know would have more of a neutral or negative idea of what I am. Maybe they would say I am dull. Or they might just not get me at all... I don't know...
 

skylights

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I would like to know, just for fun... I bet I'd be surprised. But no more self-consciousness thank you. I've had enough for this life-time.

The range must be quite wide, I'm sure, because not many people are close to me, I guess most of the people I know would have more of a neutral or negative idea of what I am. Maybe they would say I am dull. Or they might just not get me at all... I don't know...

neutral-positive, going by the way people i know talk about INFPs i know. like, people typically like you on the surface but haven't really seen enough to have a full opinion. i don't think you guys come off dull so much as mysterious and/or frustratingly quiet. which is kind of a neutral-positive thing in and of itself, because it means people want to know more :yes:

I feel much stronger than I believe others perceive me as. I think most see me as vulnerable..sweet and childlike or something..it seems to evoke feelings of protectiveness or mothering..it's very sweet but I'm not sure how I feel about that..I think I'd prefer people to realize I can take care of myself but in a sense I get it because I can be the same way towards others.

yeah, me too. people see me as cute and fun, which is okay most of the time, but i'd really like to know how to come off as sexy and powerful.
 

ubee0173

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it took me a long time to be able to see myself accuratley. and sometimes i still dont. i used to just assume i was sub-par for some reason, but when i actually started taking what other people said about me seriously, i learned a lot about myself. i think thats part of the difference between being 'cute' and being 'sexy'. when i was less self-assured, i was cute, but with more self-awareness/confidence, one becomes 'sexy'. or so i hear. but, hey- i'll take it!
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
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i don't think you guys come off dull so much as mysterious and/or frustratingly quiet.

Probably not from your perspective. I was thinking about the people who I have not much in common and who I can't relate with through Ne stuff. I really don't have much to keep up the conversation after that... With ENFPs I can immediately find something to talk about. I'd even say I somehow see it in their eyes BEFORE saying anything to them.
 

whynot

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Jun 17, 2010
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INFJ
Do you ever wish you could see yourself as others see you? I always feel like I have no idea how I come across to people.

These thoughts often come up when I meet a person who is obviously completely un-self-aware (think Michael on the "Office"). I start to think, "could I be acting socially unacceptable and not even know it?"

Yes, I wonder about that often... but it's more because I'm curious, not self-conscious. The people I work with think I'm super quiet, cold and self-assured, yet my friends think I'm fun, sweet, confident, but won't take shit from anyone. I do feel I'm confident, but I also think about things too much sometimes... to the point where I experience bad physical effects from it. I'm just good at internalizing it all. Something most people wouldn't believe... For example: They'll say things like, "Obviously you don't care." when I do.
 

Thalassa

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I try to be self-aware, but I'm frankly puzzled by the fact that different people have ENTIRELY different perceptions of me.

For example, the people whom I see on a daily basis, who live in the same house with me describe me as: "responsible, balanced, quiet, nice, polite, sweet, harmless, organized." They'd probably type me as IxFJ if they knew about type theory.

I'm sure there are many people on the Intertardz who imagine I'm some kind of over-the-top drama queen.

Oh, then there's my mother and sisters who see me as brave, intellectual, bossy, introverted, basically kind, but as someone who is afraid to be emotionally vulnerable.

My ex-boyfriend thinks I'm one of the most sensitive and analytical people he's ever met.

I think the truth is that I'm somewhere in between all of these perceptions, and that I've spent much of my life on stage: I am capable of great theater. ;)
 

Synapse

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Its a matter of perceptional values and a matter of perceptional values are a matter of fact. You are wonderfully being and as wonderfully being you are existence.

When you can forget about seeing yourself as others see you, you can start being yourself. After all then you tend to have the propensity to restrict and reframe yourself through others opinions of you when you become that self conscious. In a state of approval, what you are really doing is disconnecting from your self belief drive by attaching value towards what others see of you as you see of you, like a cracked polish to the mirroring that is going on.

Rather than seeing that you are coming across fine the way you are you are reflecting inner turmoil by accepting other peoples opinions as ad hominem. Linking values and beliefs of others towards yourself as your point of mistrust in expressing to your fullest extent your being.

You don't see the arrogance of people with a high T vs F preference start to curb their opinions and criticisms because they are being socially unacceptable do you? Couldn't care a lick any other given day could they, would that be social association to wanting to please their own curiosity rather than be pleasing their sentimentality of social acceptance.
 

Lily flower

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Everyone sees me differently. Some people think I'm nice, some think I'm crazy, some think I'm smart, some think I'm chaotic, most people think I'm lazy, there are people who despise me but I've also heard of people who admire me for some reason. I also see certain people different than others. But why would I want to know how others see me? So I can change myself according to their standards? I guess being the way everyone else wants me to be, would make me a very dull girl. As long as I like myself, everything is just fine.

I think this attitude is very healthy. I am going to try to think this way more often.
 

Lily flower

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Jun 28, 2010
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Its a matter of perceptional values and a matter of perceptional values are a matter of fact. You are wonderfully being and as wonderfully being you are existence.

When you can forget about seeing yourself as others see you, you can start being yourself. After all then you tend to have the propensity to restrict and reframe yourself through others opinions of you when you become that self conscious. In a state of approval, what you are really doing is disconnecting from your self belief drive by attaching value towards what others see of you as you see of you, like a cracked polish to the mirroring that is going on.

Rather than seeing that you are coming across fine the way you are you are reflecting inner turmoil by accepting other peoples opinions as ad hominem. Linking values and beliefs of others towards yourself as your point of mistrust in expressing to your fullest extent your being.

You don't see the arrogance of people with a high T vs F preference start to curb their opinions and criticisms because they are being socially unacceptable do you? Couldn't care a lick any other given day could they, would that be social association to wanting to please their own curiosity rather than be pleasing their sentimentality of social acceptance.

Good stuff. This website is like free therapy
 
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