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  1. #1
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default NF take on the quarter-life-crisis process

    I recetly feel I came out of the year of a quarter-life-crisis for whatever that is worth.

    I brielfy skimmed this book The 20 Something Manifesto a year ago and was re-eximing the book and Typology central and I think Typology central threads miss an emotional or internal struggle component that NFs might understand.

    The internal feelings, mental work, and exhausting investigation in the this quarter-life-crisis felt rough! Just emotionally draining and painful internally and some google searches made me feel sane about the questions I was dealing with and that am not alone.

    I was just curious if anyone else has examples and or some understanding on that internal process or more than just, yeah some people have a crisis and not just validation. I am thinking NFs potentially have a great perspective on this subject and I haven't gotten to in my counseling classes.



    (For long posts here are some examples on my last year's changes due to the quarter-life crisis I see in hindsight. First I got my own place downtown to learn about myself and be 100% independent and live a fun life. Last september realized I had bad boundaries, 2 bad friends (the thread on emotional needs was started by me) and got rid of the toxic INFP, ISFJ ex-bffs, got a second job at night to save for traveling- Fall 2009. Next went to Europe in Jan 2010, applied and got into graduate school and began in 2010 in Student Services/counseling, joined online dating with Match.com and went on lots of dates and turned down 2 offers to become exlusive because I knew they wernt "it", went out downtown in city to clubs (got drunk multiple times which used to be wrong religiously) in the summer 2010 for 3 months straight, stopped religious practice (first time in my life!) and decided on my own that beliefs were different for me than past (semi-existential now) and that one was a serious process and also semi-painful, also tried meditation for the first time. Also decided that openly showing disagreement and anger was okay in context of good friendships which surprised the friendships. That brings the list up to now! Currently just wishing I had the bff role in my life filled. Back to the ENFJ or social variant problem of lots of friends, no deep one. That I am being patient on this time around!)
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  2. #2
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Could you explain this more?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    do people who have quarter-life crisis skip mid life crisis?

    i sure hope so.

    that's what i tell myself everytime to make myself feel better

  4. #4
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default WIKI

    The books on the subject delve a lot deeper into the process (expectations, and self-analysis) but for short simple reasons here is a wikipedia page on it. I guess this topic wouldn't make sense if you aren't familiar with the concept already. So check this out if you want: Quarter-life crisis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Here is part of that page:

    Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include:

    * realizing that the pursuits of one's peers are useless
    * confronting their own mortality
    * watching time slowly take its toll on their parents, only to realize they are next
    * insecurity regarding the fact that their actions are meaningless
    * insecurity concerning ability to love themselves, let alone another person
    * insecurity regarding present accomplishments
    * re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
    * lack of friendships or romantic relationships, sexual frustration, and involuntary celibacy
    * disappointment with one's job
    * nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
    * tendency to hold stronger opinions
    * boredom with social interactions
    * loss of closeness to high school and college friends
    * financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
    * loneliness, depression and suicidal tendencies
    * desire to have children
    * a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than oneself
    * frustration with social skills

    These unsettling emotions and insecurities are not uncommon at this age, nor at any age in adult life. In the context of the quarter-life crisis, however, they occur shortly after a young person – usually an educated professional, in this context – enters the "real world".[1] After entering adult life and coming to terms with its responsibilities, some individuals find themselves experiencing career stagnation or extreme insecurity. The individual often realizes the real world is tougher, more competitive and less forgiving than she imagined.

    A related problem is simply that many college graduates do not achieve a desirable standard of living after graduation. They often end up living in low-income apartments with roommates instead of having an income high enough to support themselves. Substandard living conditions, combined with menial or repetitive work at their jobs create a great amount of frustration, anxiety and anger. Nobody wants to admit to feeling like a 'loser'; this secrecy may intensify the problem.

    As the emotional ups-and-downs of adolescence and college life subside, many affected by quarter-life crisis experience a "graying" of emotion.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  5. #5
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    I went through a lot of what I considered quarter life crisis in my life and now i tend to believe that what we consider or experience as quarter and for those that go to mid are energy shifts.

    energy shifts all the time in this earthen state and when we experience them then we experience crisis and these crisis prompts us to change in the way we do things and understand things. for then the earth is like an energy field and in that energy field we are transmitting who we are on a deeper level.

    and by resisting the changes that are in place within we are resisting our urges to be and then pressure build until we release the crisis somehow like a volcano ready to burst and then we are changing through crisis. changes to speed up our learning and cope with the now.

    when we are meant to catch the wave of the earths energies cycle we get overwhelmed and anxious and feel like a change is required and the shift then happens that we do indeed fall into a quarter life crisis of intention. and that intention is to experience a release of stress and with that release of stress we are then abate that overwhelming feeling of energy that has traveled through us to cope and deal with what is to come.

    after all it is the information that we are processing and the energy that we are experiencing as a revolutionary axis along the earths lines that we see our own need to change. and then that is as it is, we change accordingly or remain overwhelmed by the energy shift.

    we are then accessing the shadow, or rather rearranging the shadow self in order to restructure our essence that isn't conforming to the experiences we want.

    who knows.

  6. #6
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I've gone though some of that, but it was more of a prolonged, gradual thing owing to being married with two children by my 25th birthday. There were so many real crises that the purely internal ones didn't get a lot of space in the front of my mind, if that makes sense.

    At forty, I believe the world in generally is just a sucky place, but I'm content with most areas of my personal life. My focus now is on giving my kids a good launching pad into adulthood with the kind of guidance that my husband and I lacked and beginning my second career (full-time mothering having been my first) so that my husband and I can retire in some level of comfort.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  7. #7
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  8. #8
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    yeah i know right, i am a real piece of work, that i am!

  9. #9
    Senior Member Chunes's Avatar
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    I've been in my quarter-life crisis since age 17. I'm almost 26 now. Part of it has been resolved, but the money and career aspect of it remains. I seem to be unable to bring myself to accept that money is important or something to be sought. I can't wrap my head around it. I absolutely hate the things that must be done to get it. The people who say "do what you love" just don't get it. I don't want to sell my soul. Those things are too sacred to be desecrated by insidious money.
    "If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. But do not care to convince him. Men will believe what they see. Let them see."
    Thoreau

  10. #10
    Senor Membrane
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chunes View Post
    I've been in my quarter-life crisis since age 17. I'm almost 26 now. Part of it has been resolved, but the money and career aspect of it remains. I seem to be unable to bring myself to accept that money is important or something to be sought. I can't wrap my head around it. I absolutely hate the things that must be done to get it.
    I feel exactly the same. Except for me it started a bit earlier. It is like you are dropped into the real world and it's a blast. Everything was actually a lot more cruel than you thought, and you turn it around in your head and try to cope, and eventually you get better at it, it's like the shock waves of the blast are diminishing. But still, there is something there that doesn't seem to go away, you see the world is built on wrong premises, and there is no one to fix it. And what do I do with that...?

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