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  1. #11
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    I saw Juno last night (which I loved, btw) and a nice little quote about love came up:

    "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."
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  2. #12
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    The INFJs I know take this advice entirely too far. They just will not let something drop. I think they're all afraid of being doormats or something, with the result being that they hound you about every little thing until you blow your stack and tell them to fuck off. Then they give you a week or two to cool down and start feeling horribly guilty and then start up again on the same fucking subject.

    Honestly, I think some things you just have to accept aren't gonna change and either let them slide or call the whole thing off. There's a lot to be said for letting them slide. So they aren't perfect? Just as well.
    quite true.

    so basically, only bring something up if it can be changed/worked on. otherwise, say it ONCE, then suck it up or end the relationship.

    but yeah, i agree with you. i pushed my last gf too far (or maybe she fucked up too much, depending on your perspective), and she started acting out passive aggressively, etc. until i had to end the whole thing.

    reminds me of the serenity prayer (from 12-step programs):
    grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
    the courage to change the things i can
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    although when i was going to meetings i never said it once... (they make it seem too religious)

  3. #13
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    The INFJs I know take this advice entirely too far. They just will not let something drop. I think they're all afraid of being doormats or something, with the result being that they hound you about every little thing until you blow your stack and tell them to fuck off. Then they give you a week or two to cool down and start feeling horribly guilty and then start up again on the same fucking subject.

    Honestly, I think some things you just have to accept aren't gonna change and either let them slide or call the whole thing off. There's a lot to be said for letting them slide. So they aren't perfect? Just as well.

    I think INFJ engage in a lot of nervous venting and complaining. It makes it hard at times because I will take what is said very seriously and it really is just mostly blowing off steam for the INFJ.

  4. #14
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I think INFJ engage in a lot of nervous venting and complaining. It makes it hard at times because I will take what is said very seriously and it really is just mostly blowing off steam for the INFJ.
    Oh yikes! Yeah. I only expect my spouse to listen to my venting enough to get a vague idea of what I'm going on about and I don't vent to him about him. He is pretty good about tuning me out, which helps him keep his sanity, I'm sure.

    A lot of times, too, I will keep worrying a situation like an old bone because I so desperately want closure, but it simply can't be had in some situations. I'm either sure if I just find the right angle, it can be solved or else I just can't let it go. Eventually I will get tired of it and leave it alone for awhile, but I will go back to it periodically until I am assured that there really isn't anything I can do that I'm not already doing. I don't expect full, active listening in that situation, either. I just want the illusion that I'm not talking to myself.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #15

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    well I haven't been in a relationship yet... but I've been trying to make friends with girls whom I have a crush on to see if we could even have a relationship.
    That has been a slow process... and not successful yet...

    Ideally I like how Khalil Gibran describes it:
    The Prophet
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    "I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers. " - Khalil Gibran

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Oh yikes! Yeah. I only expect my spouse to listen to my venting enough to get a vague idea of what I'm going on about and I don't vent to him about him. He is pretty good about tuning me out, which helps him keep his sanity, I'm sure.

    A lot of times, too, I will keep worrying a situation like an old bone because I so desperately want closure, but it simply can't be had in some situations. I'm either sure if I just find the right angle, it can be solved or else I just can't let it go. Eventually I will get tired of it and leave it alone for awhile, but I will go back to it periodically until I am assured that there really isn't anything I can do that I'm not already doing. I don't expect full, active listening in that situation, either. I just want the illusion that I'm not talking to myself.

    Yes, that too general angst.

  7. #17
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ferrisbueller View Post
    Am I the only person that believes this isn't true? I hear it all the time in type conversations and in type books, but I personally think that there are lots of types that I could not have a relationship with. I can't see myself with ISTJ, ISTP, ESTJ, ESTP, ESFJ, ISFJ, ESFP, even ENTP and INTP seem like stretches to me. I think that most types are only compatible with a few other types. I could (and do) have friendships with people of those types but in terms of a romantic relationship I think the options are a lot more limited.
    I think maybe the point is that, in my example, trying to have a lasting relationship with an SP will take much, MUCH more effort from both parties than having one with a NT. It's possible, but you're in for a rough ride. I have plenty of SP friends, but as partners we probably wouldn't last longer than a week. However, I would never not date someone I liked because of their type. I think in my case I just tend to not be attracted (beyond appearance) to certain types in general. ESTP would be a nice example.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Oh yikes! Yeah. I only expect my spouse to listen to my venting enough to get a vague idea of what I'm going on about and I don't vent to him about him. He is pretty good about tuning me out, which helps him keep his sanity, I'm sure.

    A lot of times, too, I will keep worrying a situation like an old bone because I so desperately want closure, but it simply can't be had in some situations. I'm either sure if I just find the right angle, it can be solved or else I just can't let it go. Eventually I will get tired of it and leave it alone for awhile, but I will go back to it periodically until I am assured that there really isn't anything I can do that I'm not already doing. I don't expect full, active listening in that situation, either. I just want the illusion that I'm not talking to myself.
    Haha, you remind me of myself in this aspect. I basically stew in everything until it's nice and cold. I can't have peace of mind unless I have closure. Usually if I can find someone to vent to (usually my best friend) and get it all out of my head and into reality, I recover with flying colors. I have no idea why it works but it does, so I'm satisfied.
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I think INFJ engage in a lot of nervous venting and complaining. It makes it hard at times because I will take what is said very seriously and it really is just mostly blowing off steam for the INFJ.
    This is kinda the same with me. I realize in hindsight that she was just blowing off steam (I am actually thankful that she can with me) but while it's happening, I get completely engaged in it, and almost stressed along with her. It's probably an empathetic thing, but I am slowly getting used to it and almost enjoying it.

  9. #19
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    The best thing I've learned is to simply accept the other person for who they are. Once you get it out of your head that they are exactly the same as you or exactly what you want them to be, then you're free to decide whether or not you want to be in the relationship. Once you decide to be in the relationship, I find it works best to put yourself in the other's shoes before reacting negatively to their actions and to accept their differences - because hey, you're not perfect either.

    Compromise is key, too. Finding a middle ground that doesn't sacrifice either person's needs is really what makes a relationship last after the inevitable arguments.

    Also, as cliche as it sounds, a couple who plays together stays together. I don't think you have to share all of your interests, but I find my most successful relationships have had the common denominator of both of us sharing at least one interest & doing activities involving it. Right now, my boyfriend & I share a love for exercise, outdoor activity, and travel. Doing these activities together really strengthens our relationship.

  10. #20
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think the best thing is to be very, very lucky and to never forget it.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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