[ENFP] ENFP struggles with her mediocrity / generalist-ness

[Chloe]

hah dropping out after 3,5 years... that takes a lot of NP courage!

 

[Thalassa]

hah dropping out after 3,5 years... that takes a lot of NP courage!

I couldn't concentrate. I was amazed how well I did the last semester I was in school...I seriously felt like I was dragging myself to the end, and I kept telling myself everything would be better when the next semester started...then all of this crazy shit started going on, and I started talking to people about it...and the right (wrong) person said to me, "If you hate your life, why don't you change it?"

So I did.

It doesn't take much when I have a strong feeling about something. Even now when I try to think about myself being back there, I'm glad I came here even if it hasn't always been easy and probably looks insane to the general populace. I was really miserable. I kept thinking about jumping into the river behind my apartment.

 

[Vamp]

hah dropping out after 3,5 years... that takes a lot of NP courage!

I dropped out with only 1 class left to take out of a 10 month program. Now, I'm back and hopefully I'll get out with an associate's degree so I can pretend to know about nutrition.

 

[Chloe]

I couldn't concentrate. I was amazed how well I did the last semester I was in school...I seriously felt like I was dragging myself to the end, and I kept telling myself everything would be better when the next semester started...then all of this crazy shit started going on, and I started talking to people about it...and the right (wrong) person said to me, "If you hate your life, why don't you change it?"
It doesn't take much when I have a strong feeling about something. Even now when I try to think about myself being back there, I'm glad I came here even if it hasn't always been easy and probably looks insane to the general populace. I was really miserable. I kept thinking about jumping into the river behind my apartment

Omg, this is exactly how it's like for me for last 1-2 years,i am literaly barely dragging myself to my college. I am more absent than present and spent a lot money on cabs because I am always late. And the thing that person told you, hah, i told myself that recently too.

I dont understand, you dropped and never went back or you did went back?
problem with me is that i am sure that i dont want medicine, and i invested so much into it; Anatomy,physiology,central nervous system,biochemistry...etc. ---i spent 10 hours per day studying that!!! it all goes to waste.
I'd try to transfer to US to save some credits, but it doesnt look doable.

In a way I feel relief when I drop out, real relief, but then I go to my college, see the people and feel envious of them because they'll get their diploma and are doing something out of their lives. If i drop out now i am pretty sure I'll be sad about it in few months. Maybe when I find something I really like..
but I dont feel like restarting school and with only HS degree I cant do anything so.

I pretty much dont see a point in most schools, at least those in europe,maybe i'd feel different in us system. I dont like academia.

 

[Thalassa]

Omg, this is exactly how it's like for me for last 1-2 years,i am literaly barely dragging myself to my college. I am more absent than present and spent a lot money on cabs because I am always late. And the thing that person told you, hah, i told myself that recently too.

I dont understand, you dropped and never went back or you did went back?
problem with me is that i am sure that i dont want medicine, and i invested so much into it; Anatomy,physiology,central nervous system,biochemistry...etc. ---i spent 10 hours per day studying that!!! it all goes to waste.
I'd try to transfer to US to save some credits, but it doesnt look doable.

In a way I feel relief when I drop out, real relief, but then I go to my college, see the people and feel envious of them because they'll get their diploma and are doing something out of their lives. If i drop out now i am pretty sure I'll be sad about it in few months.

I withdrew in March and got a plane and flew to California. I am not in school currently. In fact, I didn't even want to READ for the first few months I was out of school, so I clearly did the right thing. I took so many electives and minored in French, so I still had 1 1/2 years to go (about three semesters) to graduate, and I would have lost my mind.

I think it did take outside encouragement, though. Sometimes I can't decide if I want to thank, love, hate, or punch that person.

No, I'm in the right place. I'm actually doing *much* better even if it looks impractical from a more traditional SJ perspective. I just tell myself I can go back to school if I want to, eventually. I wouldn't have been able to do much with a Lit degree anyway, and I've actually changed my mind about what I would major in.

I hate academia, too. I thought Europe would be better than America! Guess I was wrong...

 

[Chloe]

yeah totally understand... my most concern is that besides reading/studying a lot, i even dislike more low-paid jobs, so.. i was always trying to convince myself that it's more reasonable to finish school and then have it easier..but i cant do it bc it's killing me.
i'll try now psychology, it's way easier so maybe i'll be able to finish it even when unmotivated, which is impossible in medicine, few days of rest and you are already too much behind.

and feeling sad for dropping out is just misleading usually, but i still feel it. i feel constant pull to both sides, all the time.

but recently i started to get these kicks with "WTH am I DOING HERE? " in the middle of class or something. And then I dont have even 1 reason why I am there. Like someone was deciding instead of me. I am just like "whoa, this is NOT me".

 

[Vamp]

I wouldn't want one. Dancing and stuff is a whole different ballgame, because it can be fun. Having a sugar daddy though...that seems like faking love...and I just can't do that. I have this personality where I want to be dominated, but I have to CHOOSE the person who is allowed to do it...I can't just play passive with someone I'm not in love with. I can't fake love, and I would feel too controlled (trapped...help...suffocating...) to constantly be submitting myself to one individual that I didn't have genuine feelings for. I also wouldn't place priority on money over having a real relationship. I'd be afraid it would interfere with me having a REAL boyfriend/lover/husband.

Does that resonate with you, or no?

A little, the main difference for me is that I've never really seen it as faking love or as something radically different from a real relationship.

I can give you info on it if you want it. PM me.

Will do.

Some men like small breasts, especially if you are a smaller or thin woman, which I've seen you say that you are.

I guess. *emo sigh*

 

[Chloe]

I hate academia, too. I thought Europe would be better than America! Guess I was wrong...

it is maybe better if you are absolutely sure what you want, when you're 18 and you choose your grad school directly.
weird, but i know a lot people who were. maybe it's because of the way we are brought up so know that we have less space for changing our minds, except me, I keep insisting that this system is unfair but nobody hears me


Anyway, I have a friend who got good scholarships to US but didnt want to go bc she didnt want to take liberal arts classes because she wanted only mathematics. So, to her, this is okay. But to me, since I didnt know with 18 and i dont know now, this is bad.

 

[Chloe]

I guess. *emo sigh*

i really think many many men dont care about breast size.
I have big boobs and almost all my boyfriends didnt care about boobs. Speaking to guys, i guess almost 40% and more dont give big priority to boobs.

 

[Vamp]

i really think many many men dont care about breast size.
I have big boobs and almost all my boyfriends didnt care about boobs. Speaking to guys, i guess almost 40% and more dont give big priority to boobs.

Not much bullying in school and now this. Your country sounds like a paradise!

 

[Chloe]

Not much bullying in school and now this. Your country sounds like a paradise!

hahahhahaha. AAAAAAAAAA. dont say that!

and notboobs-men are probably all over USA, you just concentrate on boobs-men.

 

[Thalassa]

hahahhahaha. AAAAAAAAAA. dont say that!

and notboobs-men are probably all over USA, you just concentrate on boobs-men.

yes, there are plenty of guys in the U.S. who aren't boob men...but sometimes it can be hard to see that there are men who prefer YOUR TYPE, whatever that type may be, but trust me...they are out there. and there's lots of them.

 

[Thalassa]

A little, the main difference for me is that I've never really seen it as faking love or as something radically different from a real relationship.

hmmm...well it makes a big difference to me...being a stripper or doing anything like that is like being an actress, it's playing a role...I mean it can be fun, and sometimes the guy you get to act for is cute or smart or otherwise attractive, but sometimes he's not and it's acting and it's your job...having a sugar daddy seems like an acting job that reaches over into my real life, and I have a very seperate genuine self for my personal romantic relationships

 

[Vamp]

yes, there are plenty of guys in the U.S. who aren't boob men...but sometimes it can be hard to see that there are men who prefer YOUR TYPE, whatever that type may be, but trust me...they are out there. and there's lots of them.

Yeah, that's what I'd prefer to find. Guys who like small breasts, not guys who will tolerate them (in exchange for some other likeable feature). To me, the "tolerance" stance is just as demeaning as rejection. I think I might start a thread to vent about this so I don't derail this thread any further.

 

[skylights]

i really think many many men dont care about breast size.
I have big boobs and almost all my boyfriends didnt care about boobs. Speaking to guys, i guess almost 40% and more dont give big priority to boobs.

i was once told by a man that it's not what size boobs you have, it's that you have boobs.

lol