This is a conversation I have with a friend that I think is an obvious ESFP, though I think some strong presence of N is at play here, otherwise this conversation would appear too unconventional in my opinion.
This is a conversation I swayed to my favor to see how much she's good in assessing people (because she claims that she is), without discussing any MBTI jargon. She hasn't heard of the concept, and she's merely stating things from an observant, THEORETICAL point of view, backed up by sheer experience in dealing with people. She already had been intimate with 30 partners, so really, she is as "SENSOR" as it can get. It's my way of thinking out of the MBTI box. It would be really nice to hear her thoughts of things.
Initial note: Names are changed for obvious reasons. For most of the people we're discussing, I'm know their MBTI type.
ESFP: You'd always tell me that you have a huge crush on Didi (ENFJ), but I do see things quite differently.
Me (ENTP): Really?
ESFP: You don't have that much crush on her as much as you'd like to think.
Me: How so?
ESFP: For one, you don't seem to feel that much awkward at her presence. If you're actually smitten, it would show. But it doesn't.
Me: You think so?
ESFP: You envy her.
ESFP: See, you have this geek of a pretty girl, with a mega powerful social skill, seemingly able to glide her way through any social circle, doing it really really easily. And you secretly wish that you can do it too. LOL!
Me: That's what you really think?
ESFP: See, when you look at yourself, you'd know that you don't look bad. Ok, you're a bit on the chubby side, but that's tolerable. You know you have social confidence. You're ok with people. You even have an attractive girlfriend to boot, you just can't do it as good as Didi does.
ESFP:You know what, if you'd ever wish to a Genie that you'd be a girl for a day, you'd wish to be Didi. LOL!
ESFP: It's called admiration. Yeah sure, you may have a crush on her. Like everybody does. But not that smitten.
ESFP: But I have to tell you something. She's not that pretty. She's not top- tier pretty. You're seeing her from a geek's point of view. She's maybe the quintessential pretty woman from your POV, but from a point of view of jerks and bitches, she'd fall a second rate.
ESFP: Ever noticed that my jerk friends never took the initiative on making a move on her, despite the fact that she was, at some point, regarded as that mega babe of our online community?
ESFP: She does attract a huge demographics. I know that. Here's the problem--she isn't really that sexual.
Me: So where's the problem in that?
ESFP: In the eyes of jerks, the first priority would always be the scantily clad bitches. Didi flirts good. Really really good. But unless there's a strong sexual undertone to that, she'll be viewed as a kid.
ESFP: It's like a demarcation line. We sexual jerks and bitches are the "adults". And you guys are the kids. =p
ESFP: See, if you look at all the guys that seriously made a move on her, or those that are seriously attracted to her, most of them are odd balls. Like the emos, the outgoing geeks, where you're included, and some other guys who are "space aliens", like Andy (INTJ). You guys are her true demographics.
ESFP: Hillary (a materialistic ESFJ), is a different case. She's not that pretty. Not even close to Didi. But she's a jerk magnet.
ESFP: When a woman like her projects a facade of arrogance, almost projecting herself as that Alpha Female, you know she's hiding a truckload of insecurity--a very dirty closet. I know this because I am like that. Maybe all jerks and bitches are.
ESFP: My jerk friends, Reagan (a mega egotistic ISTJ), and Billy (possibly a closet INTP wrongly stuck with sensor friends), never made a move on Didi but apparently, considered Hillary an easy target.
ESFP: The insecurity that she tries to hide is her vulnerability that's tempting to aim.
Me: Well, if you considered all of you in that circle as jerks and bitches, then all of you have major insecurities, and there'd be implosion in that social sphere waiting to happen.
Me: Is that something that you're already aware from the get-go?
Me: Then why stay with these people, have fling with them left and right, where you're barely able handle someone else's ego, and you know from the very beginning that there's an underlying manipulations involved.
ESFP: It's the thrill of the guessing game. Everyone wants to guess who's manipulating who? :p
Me: So what happens when it's just the rest of you guys in one place, where you need to talk about something without hurting each other's ego. What CAN you talk about?
ESFP: It's a very very pretentiously CIVIL moment.
ESFP: See that's why my real friends include you (ENTP), Didi, (ENFJ), Andy (INTJ), Smith (INxP), and Jean (a really nice INFJ), among others. If I hang out long enough with my type, it'd be a major disaster. :P
Me: Not every self-proclaimed bitch look for my type. I can be an anti-bitch myself. The only difference in your case, is that you have enough geekiness in yourself that can tie with me (a variant Ne?). Like for instance, talking about stuff like this. You have no idea how many shallow bitches hate "analysis".
ESFP: I look for friends who help me improve. They make my real set of friends.
Me: So we provide a security blanket?
ESFP: Hey, I need to have balance. Like someone who'd tell me that what I'm doing is silly. Without sugarcoated statements. At least you're like that.
Me: Admit it. You're a closet geek. There's more to you than the 30 guys you use as your bitchy bragging rights.
ESFP: That's why they all enjoyed me, I guess. :P
Some more notes:
My ESFP friend can easily distinguish and state articulately an ENTP from an INTJ.
She's really bad in relationships. Really really that bad. As good as her wisdom and analysis are, her instinct and impulsiveness overrides a lot of things. And she changes mood by the minute.
But for someone where the S overshadows her N, the N is incredibly strong. The ENFJ description is scarily accurate (despite that it's just a personal observation).
As an ENTP, we're among the NTs that really do want to be social. At least, it helps us achieve our personal objectives. She's my first friend to really take a good note of that. No one did.
Don't get me wrong though. I'm not here to underestimate an ESFP's intellect. I've talked to a lot of them. Even the smarter ESFPs I've talked to really really hate connecting the dots. They just aren't good at that.
This got me thinking that my friend could be really an ENFP. But then again, if she is, she's won't be a conventional ENFP either.
I'm happy with this conversation in such a way that it breaks significantly the party-girl ESFP notion, and the religious ENFP notion. She just don't fit anywhere in the stereotype.
I'm posting this because this is the more concrete instances (interaction) I had where things aren't easily explained by conventional MBTI wisdom. I'd like to know your take on this.