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  1. #1
    Junior Member streetlightfancy's Avatar
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    Default INFJ and Feeling

    I've recently began to reconsider my personality type (again)

    I thought I was an INFJ however, I have recently noticed how difficult and straight up uncomfortable it is for me to sympathize with others, particularly my friends.

    It's not that I don't care about my friends, on the contrary I welcome venting from my friends. I like talking about people and logically working through why people are the way they are.... but when it comes to feeling these emotions and trying to feel what they are feeling, it's a struggle.

    Do other INFJs (or NFs in general) experience this?
    whose world is this?

  2. #2
    Senior Member MrRandom's Avatar
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    INFJs are the thinkers of the NFs. INFJs are also said to seem distant and cold sometimes, maybe even with friends if they are not used to expressing their emotions... being private and all. It's also common for INFJs to question themselves being Fs at all (going towards INTP rather than INTJ). As far as I know.

    Sometimes I have trouble sympathizing with other people, because my thinking tends to be critical and "objective". I can find myself thinking: "That wouldn't have happened to you in the first place if you wouldn't have done X, just as I foresaw and warned you... now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?". This is sometimes the case, but even then I'm trying to be empathetic and put aside my analytic nature.

    Perhaps it could be illustrated by comparing ISFJ and INFJ... ISFJs can be very empathetic and great at supporting you no matter what, good friends... INFJs are more understanding, and it's not always a pretty sight they see. It's like INFJs are more interested in how someone's mind works rather than merely supporting it. INFJs see the human mind as this huge clockwork puzzle and they don't care what the time is like ISFJs do... uh, maybe this is going nowhere

  3. #3
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    INFJ's risk being "not worth listening to" if they behave in a way without a sense of extroversion in their experience (in their case, Fe or Se). You can be in your own world if you want, but it just makes one's "storehouse" of interpretations that much poorer. This is what you become without Fe, but Ti:


    As a Tertiary Function, Ti leads IFJs to....
    ...."advise others on the wisdom of their choices"(edited from Lenorep.231 on INFJs.) vis a vis Ti as a primary attribute. Also, tertiary Ti leads to an important emphasis on personal experience. Yet unlike dominant and secondary Ti, tertiary Ti can often lead sweeping generalizations induced from sparse evidence. Tertiary Ti leads can lead to a narcissistic focus on your own experience, or the experience of people who stand with you. If someone disagrees with you, then they must be naive. This kind of narrow view is often used defensively. Especially when combined with dominant Ni, tertiary Ti can be used to defend bizarre theories that are completely unfalsifiable.

  4. #4
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    I get what youre saying OP, I feel the same way, because usually I can identify the cause or the source of my friends "pain" and more often then not its self caused, I only really empathize with people if they are in extreme agony like crying, or the pain wrought on them has no official source or is out of their control. It feels like a waste of time to console someone who causes their own problems, I would rather they just solve their problems instead of focusing on them and how bad they are. If something is wrong, fix it, especially if its in your power.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  5. #5
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrRandom View Post
    Sometimes I have trouble sympathizing with other people, because my thinking tends to be critical and "objective". I can find myself thinking: "That wouldn't have happened to you in the first place if you wouldn't have done X, just as I foresaw and warned you... now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?". This is sometimes the case, but even then I'm trying to be empathetic and put aside my analytic nature.
    This, exactly. I've been working hard on being more empathetic in such situations, trying to see things from their point of view even if I can see how the situation arose and it's totally their fault. Or if I think they're in the wrong. But it's hard sometimes.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Why is it a struggle? Is it a struggle in some cases but not in others?

  7. #7
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    I took a "kid's MBTI" test recently and it came out EFJ. I wonder if that's what my difference is - F has always been a pretty noticable element with me. And I don't have the patience to depend on Ti, truth to be told. Wildcat's thread makes my head hurt Although, I want to tell him how much I like his style at least.

    If INFJ's are inclined to be Ti over Fe now, man, I'm going to change my type again.

  8. #8
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by streetlightfancy View Post
    I've recently began to reconsider my personality type (again)

    I thought I was an INFJ however, I have recently noticed how difficult and straight up uncomfortable it is for me to sympathize with others, particularly my friends.

    It's not that I don't care about my friends, on the contrary I welcome venting from my friends. I like talking about people and logically working through why people are the way they are.... but when it comes to feeling these emotions and trying to feel what they are feeling, it's a struggle.

    Do other INFJs (or NFs in general) experience this?
    I've never felt compelled to feel what everyone else is feeling.

    Are INFJ's supposed to be sympathetic towards all causes/situations/people? I can't say that I am. Actually this describes the vein of my thoughts in many situations like this -

    Quote Originally Posted by MrRandom
    I can find myself thinking: "That wouldn't have happened to you in the first place if you wouldn't have done X...

    .... now I'm supposed to feel sorry for you?".
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  9. #9
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I'm sympathetic when people get themselves into jams by their own doing -- at least the first time. Or if the 2nd time is on a different subject. But if they keep doing the same dumb thing over and over and want me to feel sorry, I lose interest in participating.

  10. #10
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I've never felt compelled to feel what everyone else is feeling.-
    Of course, but if it becomes a pattern, it's due to heavy introversion. If someone isn't moving towards the auxiliary, and needs to go their other introverted function as a rule with people, it's not productive. Ni-Ti - at the risk of sounding silly, it's as simple as looking at the two "I's" there. Same with Fi-Si, Fi-Ni, Ni-Fi, etc.. I do it myself, and it's cool for awhile, but damn.. we all need to connect somehow.

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