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  1. #11
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Well, why don't we turn this thread into something more productive...

    How do you ENFJ's here on TypoC go about trying to understand what a person is really like?
    Enneagram: 5w4 5-9-2 (5w4 9w1 2w1) sp/so

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  2. #12
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    I put a lot of effort into trying to understand my SO.

    If a friend does something unexpected I will sometimes try to figure out what motivated that behavior. Although if it's something that runs really counter to the relationship I usually just cut it off because I feel the other person isn't as invested as I am.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Well, why don't we turn this thread into something more productive...

    How do you ENFJ's here on TypoC go about trying to understand what a person is really like?
    I can't really explain what I just "know".

    But in light of trying to answer your question
    The first thing I do is try to find some common ground.Sometimes its very obvious sometimes less so.But being on the same page about something is a great way to disarm people and yourself. People disarmed are more likely to be themselves. By being more ourselves, our truer nature will reveal itself and understanding starts to take place without conscious effort.

    What I can't understand .. I will simply ask the person to explain.

  4. #14
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by copperfish17 View Post
    Well, why don't we turn this thread into something more productive...

    How do you ENFJ's here on TypoC go about trying to understand what a person is really like?
    I use my animal instinct. I turn my Ni and Fe loose on them to pick them over, and I rely on my gut reaction to them - I believe Se is responsible for gathering "gambler tells". Whatever comes in on that radar is immediately sent down the line to Ti processing, and sent back to me with identifying tags all over it.

    How do they "feel"? Grey? Washed out? Fugitive? Subversive? Off-balance?

    How do they "seem"? This or that comes out of their mouth, doesn't jive with the rest. Vibes.

    How do they "present"? They check out. They do NOT check out. They match their actions. They do not. There's something shifty about the eyes, the hands, the slight body posture, the rise or drop in tone. Liar? Casual liar? Pathological? Wittingly/unwittingly fearful. Standing me off. Coiled up like a snake for NO reason? Is there a reason? Are they reasonable enough to understand reason at all? One arm shielding self. Won't give any ground. I can't/can touch you without an eruption. Etc.

    How do they "process"? Data spew collated into sensible analysis, sent back ASAP to my primary functions.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #15
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    We just do. There is no "how".

  6. #16
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    I think ENFJs can also be very inquisitive. I tend to ask a lot of questions to be able to understand someone more.
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  7. #17
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    We just do. There is no "how".
    This is most succinct and wise.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #18
    Carerra Lu IZthe411's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ozz View Post
    An ENFJ friend told me that he figures out whatever a friend is really worth being kept as friends by testing them at the beginning of a relationship. For example: he once tested a person by giving them money for absolutely no reason. When the person took it without hesitation, he conclude that the person was greedy and not worth being friends with.

    I find that this is a very interesting and useful way to figure out someone. Have you nice people in the NF idyllic find yourself testing a potential friend by deliberately doing something and then observing their reaction? What qualities other than greed are you testing for? Any other ways to figure out a person other than giving out money for no reason?
    This was an instance of dumb Ni.

  9. #19
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    If I test people, it's really just in their ability to handle me or not. I prefer people who aren't too soft and can accept my abrasive qualities/opinions.

    Beyond that, I observe a person as I interact with them. I watch over their feelings and actions, gather their opinions through what they choose to say or not to say. You can tell a lot about a person very quickly if you tune into the right wavelengths.

    Personally, I'll try to give the benefit of the doubt if there is good behind dysfunction. I give them a good length of time to alter my view (indirectly), even if I've made an initial judgment.

    An example- my ENFJ friend. She means well and would go out of her way for any friend of hers, even just an acquaintance. She's got a huge heart and genuinely cares about people, even if she's abrasive like I am. On the other hand, she's emotionally intense to beat the band. The woman can be an atmosphere algae-sucker and you can never tell which extreme she'll jump to. She also needs to be dominant and the center of attention due to insecurity and lack of social experience. Yes- there is dysfunction and difficult traits, but she is still fun and an absolute sweetheart beyond that.
    - I've distanced from her a bit to keep my sanity/self-preservation, but almost any other person would have hit the high road.

    When it adversely affects me is when I distance or escape.
    Someone who accepts money from me wouldn't be one of those situations .
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  10. #20
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    actually, the whole judgment smells of Se to me- def not anything "intuitive" as we term it here. "its obvious what kind of person they are if they cant be straight about money matters", etc.

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