User Tag List

12311 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 401

  1. #1
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,155

    Angry Upset ENFPs: Handle With Care

    The best strategy for dealing with an upset ENFP:

    Let them say what they want to say so they can get it out of their system.

    HUGE DISCLAIMER: This is NOT to say that they should they be given free reign to say and do whatever they want.

    The fact is that ENFPs are NATURALLY very EMOTIONALLY EXPRESSIVE---so if you judge the intensity of their expressions by the standard of a relatively stoic or serene temperament, you are likely to underestimate their overall reasonableness.

    They're not likely to go apeshit if they are heard.

    More often than not, they will feel satisfied that they were allowed to say how they feel--even if the problem isn't going to be resolved.

    If you don't have time or just aren't up to it at the moment, assure them that they will have an opportunity at SOME point to express themselves, or allow them some form of communication with you, such as email, letter, phone message, etc. so you can deal with it if or when you are ready.

    If you don't like what they say or the way they say it, keep in mind that arguing with them will only make things worse.

    The ENFP isn't nearly as concerned about "being right" or even solving the problem as one might assume.

    ENFPs are INFORMATIVE rather than DIRECTIVE, meaning that they prefer to provide information and let others decide what to do with it, rather than directing the actions of others.

    They mostly just want to express how they feel.

    If they feel that they are being dismissed or silenced or told they "shouldn't" feel they way they feel, they are likely to resort to extreme behavior in order to make sure they are heard.

    NOBODY wants this to happen. Not the ENFP or anyone else.

    The more you dismiss them or try to silence them, the more problems will result in the end.


    NOTE: This may apply to other types as well (and I suspect that it does), but I don't feel as confident speaking for other types.



    Discuss.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  2. #2
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Okay Im not an NF but I would like to understand how this is reasonable behavior. In extreme situations, like after a death or a break up or stuff like that, its reasonable to express your emotions, ofcourse. But with a high frequency of said behavior without external issues it seems rather unreasonable behavior.

    Its okay to express thoughts, but when people give you another perspective its rather immature and egocentric to keep pressing ones point of view and not go into a dialog about the issues.

  3. #3
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    Okay a breakdown of OP instead

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    The best strategy for dealing with an upset ENFP:

    Let them say what they want to say so they can get it out of their system.
    Agreed, this is rather universal.

    This is NOT to say that they should they be given free reign to say and do whatever they want.
    Totally agreed.

    But they are NATURALLY very EMOTIONALLY EXPRESSIVE---so if you judge the intensity of their expressions by the standard of a relatively stoic or serene temperament, you are likely to underestimate their overall reasonableness.
    People are different yes, but what is emotional expressive?

    They're not likely to go apeshit if they are heard.

    More often than not, they will feel satisfied that they were allowed to say how they feel--even if the problem isn't going to be resolved.
    This is universal to all types I think.

    If you don't have time or just aren't up to it at the moment, assure them that they will have an opportunity at SOME point to express themselves, or allow them some form of communication with you, such as email, letter, phone message, etc. so you can deal with it if or when you are ready.
    Also universal

    If you don't like what they say or the way they say it, keep in mind that arguing with them will only make things worse.

    The ENFP isn't nearly as concerned about "being right" or even solving the problem as one might assume.
    This I dont understand, if expressed by the other person in a reasonable tone. It sounds rather egocentric really.

    ENFPs are INFORMATIVE rather than DIRECTIVE, meaning that they prefer to provide information and let others decide what to do with it, rather than directing the actions of others.

    They mostly just want to express how they feel.
    I have no idea what this means

    If they feel that they are being dismissed or silenced or told they "shouldn't" feel they way they feel, they are likely to resort to extreme behavior in order to make sure they are heard.

    NOBODY wants this to happen. Not the ENFP or anyone else.
    If the ENFP dont want this to happen why would you go to extremes? Sounds like controlling/manipulative behavior.

    The more you dismiss them or try to silence them, the more problems will result in the end.
    Very immature behavior. And this is not meant in the way that all people needs to be "stoic". Plus it dismisses this
    This is NOT to say that they should they be given free reign to say and do whatever they want.

  4. #4
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,155

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    Okay Im not an NF but I would like to understand how this is reasonable behavior. In extreme situations, like after a death or a break up or stuff like that, its reasonable to express your emotions, ofcourse. But with a high frequency of said behavior without external issues it seems rather unreasonable behavior.
    That is a bias which must be overcome if you want to understand ENFPs.

    First of all, there is nothing inherently unreasonable about being emotionally expressive.

    It is completely natural for ENFPs to be emotionally expressive, and it is not something the ENFP should change.

    Just because YOU only express emotions after a death or a breakup doesn't mean everyone else is, or should be, like YOU.

    This is extremely elementary stuff, and it constantly amazes me how people on this forum can be so intelligent, yet not able to grasp the simplest of concepts.


    Secondly, what you judge to be "without external issues" is another aspect of this bias.

    Just because the issues are unimportant to YOU does not mean they are unimportant to SOMEONE ELSE.

    If you can't or won't accept that, then you are blinded by your bias, and whatever knowledge you may possess about typology, it is all USELESS if you fail to realize that people have different (but equally VALID) TEMPERAMENTS.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  5. #5
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    Discuss.
    Don't blame it on being NF. That's not an excuse, it's an explanation. The question is whether letting people emote is healthy or not in each particular instance. Not every emotion needs to, or should be, expressed, and only an immature person (NF or not) believes otherwise. Sometimes it's better to admit when you're wrong, cut your losses, avoid taking it personally, and move on, rather than try and suck everyone into an inauthentic game of stroking and coddling. My 2 cents.

  6. #6
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    3,698

    Default

    Best way to handle upset ENFPs ime:


    +

  7. #7
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,155

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Don't blame it on being NF. That's not an excuse, it's an explanation. The question is whether letting people emote is healthy or not in each particular instance. Not every emotion needs to, or should be, expressed, and only an immature person (NF or not) believes otherwise. Sometimes it's better to admit when you're wrong, cut your losses, avoid taking it personally, and move on, rather than try and suck everyone into an inauthentic game of stroking and coddling. My 2 cents.
    Well, your 2 cents, like most coinage, is covered in filth and excrement that can not always be seen with the naked eye, but is there, nonetheless.

    But I appreciate your 2 cents anyway.


    Really though?

    It's so predictable to accuse me of excusing bad behavior.

    I'm sure that note is going to be played over and over in this thread.

    But do you really think that's what I'm doing?
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  8. #8
    He who laughs
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1,327

    Default

    First did you read my second post?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    That is a bias which must be overcome if you want to understand ENFPs.
    You might have a point there. But the ENFPs I have known in my life I feel that I can understand just fine.

    First of all, there is nothing inherently unreasonable about being emotionally expressive.
    Totally agreed I am not a robot and is as influenced by emotions as any other human.

    It is completely natural for ENFPs to be emotionally expressive, and it is not something the ENFP should change.
    Could agree with that, one should compromise. But it goes both ways

    Just because YOU only express emotions after a death or a breakup doesn't mean everyone else is, or should be, like YOU.
    That was uncalled for and not what I meant. I might not have been expressing things the way I intended in the first post.

    This is extremely elementary stuff, and it constantly amazes me how people on this forum can be so intelligent, yet not able to grasp the simplest of concepts.
    I dont understand what that has to do with my questions about how it was reasonable behavior.

    Secondly, what you judge to be "without external issues" is another aspect of this bias.
    If you have personal issues like depression or other internal issues not related to external issues, one should ask for help and do what is needed to alleviate said issues.

    A little anecdote I had a stress related one standing depression that I was treated for. I do understand what its like to have limbic moods. I might not be as expressive, yes, that is a difference for sure.

    Just because the issues are unimportant to YOU does not mean they are unimportant to SOMEONE ELSE.
    Totally agreed

    You are blinded by your bias, and whatever knowledge you may possess about typology, it is all USELESS if you fail to realize that people have different (but equally VALID) TEMPERAMENTS.
    Yes that could be and is why Im engaging you here. But I dont understand what MY bias has to do with this.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    7,233

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    Really though?

    It's so predictable to accuse me of excusing bad behavior.

    I'm sure that note is going to be played over and over in this thread.

    But do you really think that's what I'm doing?
    I think you started this thread because you got shut down in some of your other threads, particularly the Feedback thread. You felt bad, and you thought the answer was to correct it with a little ego stroking, so you started this thread on the theory that it'll rectify your feelings and prevent it from happening again.

    I read your reply to slowriot, and I'll repeat what I said. Being NF is not an excuse or justification for "just wanting to be understood." Your reply to him tries to blur right and wrong (in this case, wise and not wise) by saying that everyone has their needs and everyone is unique, blah blah blah. That's totally irrelevant. No one's contesting that you have your own needs. The issue is how to properly deal with those needs. Not all needs should be satisfied. An addict would be stupid to think that the answer to his addiction is more drugs. Likewise, an angry person would be wrong to think that lashing out (or even vent, says research) is the answer to his problem.

    We have two choices: give into your game where we acknowledge you and stroke your ego for you (what I would consider inauthentic as fuck) or deal with your requests and complaints in a logical, objective, swift manner and move on. The latter beats the former.

  10. #10
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,155

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I think you started this thread because you got shut down in some of your other threads, particularly the Feedback thread. You felt bad, and you thought the answer was to correct it with a little ego stroking, so you started this thread on the theory that it'll rectify your feelings and prevent it from happening again.

    I read your reply to slowriot, and I'll repeat what I said. Being NF is not an excuse or justification for "just wanting to be understood." Your reply to him tries to blur right and wrong (in this case, wise and not wise) by saying that everyone has their needs and everyone is unique, blah blah blah. That's totally irrelevant. No one's contesting that you have your own needs. The issue is how to properly deal with those needs. Not all needs should be satisfied. An addict would be stupid to think that the answer to his addiction is more drugs. Likewise, an angry person would be wrong to think that lashing out (or even vent, says research) is the answer to his problem.

    We have two choices: give into your game where we acknowledge you and stroke your ego for you (what I would consider inauthentic as fuck) or deal with your requests and complaints in a logical, objective, swift manner and move on. The latter beats the former.
    Yeah, you definitely make a better lawyer than a psychologist.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] ENFP's with ADD/ADHD
    By findthejake in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 02-03-2015, 02:54 AM
  2. [ENFP] ENFP struggles with her mediocrity / generalist-ness
    By revolve in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 10-23-2010, 06:54 PM
  3. Handle with care
    By proteanmix in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-28-2009, 08:48 PM
  4. [ENFP] ENFP's with other types
    By sketcheasy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 08-23-2008, 11:52 PM
  5. [ENFP] ENFP's with anxiety disorders
    By gretch in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 12-07-2007, 07:06 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO