[ENFP] Upset ENFPs: Handle With Care

[Amargith]

Is there anyway you can take this into the Wonka-thread where he expressed these concerns, at least, instead of a thread that's gotten to be a general thread and which could go to a constructive place?

 

[freeeekyyy]

I only took the personal insults as personal insults. I really doubt you have the magical ability to read my mind, especially since you don't even know where I am.

Was talking about wonka, not you. I was agreeing with you, partially.

 

[INA]

And yeah, don't bitch about people when they can't defend themselves. That blows.

He was banned?

 

[alexx]

No he quit.

 

[InvisibleJim]

So he can start a discussion, not listen, then storm out. And if someone says their opinion of what he did, they're fucked up?

How is what you're doing any better? Sure, the rhetoric sounds all official or whatever, but that doesn't mean you're any less full of it.

I've already given you my opinion on the matter. You just didn't listen.

Look again.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/1340048-post284.html

 

[Jaguar]

Can we give Wonka a break already?

I agree. The guy is human, not a rusty robot.

 

[Little Linguist]

Back on track:

I see a serious disparity between those who are searching primarily for acceptance/love/sharing/understanding even if it means not necessarily being straight-forward and those who are searching primarily for truth/honesty/solutions even if it means temporary strife.

Or have I got it wrong?

 

[skylights]

^^^

haha ENFPs getting back on track, fancy that

the funny thing to me, is that of those two i am much more drawn to acceptance/love/sharing/understanding. as i would guess are most Fs? but i am of the opinion that temporary strife is part and parcel to that.

telling someone to ignore what they really feel about something because it keeps the peace is no good because then those personal underlying issues don't get solved. helping them sort it out in a rational and peaceful manner, on the other hand, is excellent. which is why ENFPs INTJs

LL if you don't mind me asking can you give examples of two people who have voiced these differences? or is this like the classic Fi/Fe thing? or T/F?

 

[redacted]

Was talking about wonka, not you. I was agreeing with you, partially.

Oops, sorry dude. I jumped the gun.

I've already given you my opinion on the matter. You just didn't listen.

Look again.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/1340048-post284.html

I don't really like that advice. It gives some ENFPs a rationalization to just act crazy. I don't find that acceptable whatsoever.

And I surely don't want to be told something like Wonka was saying in his OP. It basically reduces to "when I act crazy, just give in, that way, you'll avoid me getting all pissed about you not agreeing with the first thing I was pissed about!" That kind of reasoning sets a horrible precedent, and I think giving into people like that just makes them worse.

I act super chill around most people most of the time. When I get irrational, I apologize, I don't tell people to just deal with it. That just does added damage, and is totally narcissistic.

The only people I don't act chill around are people that manipulate others into being chill around them! If a person can't provide worthwhile companionship for someone, they shouldn't guilt trip their way into a relationship with them. If they really want respect, they have to earn it like anyone else.

Being an ENFP has absolutely nothing to do with this (except maybe a surface level correlation). Type is useless in this discussion.

For the sake of the rest of the ENFPs, I'm trying really hard to separate Wonka out. His point in the OP makes ENFPs look bad -- when really he should've kept it as a personal thing.

This is where people fall into the MBTI trap and miss the big picture.

Back on track:

I see a serious disparity between those who are searching primarily for acceptance/love/sharing/understanding even if it means not necessarily being straight-forward and those who are searching primarily for truth/honesty/solutions even if it means temporary strife.

Or have I got it wrong?

There really shouldn't be a disparity. In order to get true love from someone, you have to be open to your own shortcomings (and blindness to them, and bias against believing them). If you can't take a little criticism, you'll always wonder why you can't find "true love".

It's not all sunshine and rainbows.

 

[Little Linguist]

Evan, I agree that I would rather have a little cat fight and get things out of the way rather than let things fester, just smile and nod, etc. And there are some things - yes, even about ENFPs - that I really do not understand.

I don't think the answer is just to stand there and smile and nod when the ENFP is freaking out. Of course, the answer is also not to just scream your head off at them.

Mutual respect is the most important thing. There are going to be conflicts and fights. But don't be fake just to make me happy. Just wait for me to be a little bit more rational, and I'll be able to listen to your ideas.

 

[rav3n]

Back on track:

I see a serious disparity between those who are searching primarily for acceptance/love/sharing/understanding even if it means not necessarily being straight-forward and those who are searching primarily for truth/honesty/solutions even if it means temporary strife.

Or have I got it wrong?

I love this explanation. As one of the latter, it's a challenge to validate in situations where there appears to be little to no substance. We need explanations and don't have the touchy-feely aspects down pat. As well, aggression tends to be met with aggression.

 

[skylights]

Yeah, it's strange... when you speak to an Italian, it is sometimes like a contest or something. You know the stereotype, I'm sure. Head tilted slightly up, lot of hand gestures, standing very close to you, touching you all the time like he wants to own you... The Spanish seemed a lot more mellow.

somehow i missed this before. it's really entertaining since much of my family is italian and i guess most of them kind of do talk like this, but i've never interpreted it as a contest or wanting to own someone!! more like... i dunno, emotional bonding or something. energy sharing. the gestures are for extra illustration and emphasis, like physical intonation or something. though i can't deny the head thing, it's kind of a proud (though very loving and warm! culture )

lots of europeans in general freak me out by how close they stand. i was pleased that finns were not like this.

 

[InvisibleJim]

I don't really like that advice. It gives some ENFPs a rationalization to just act crazy. I don't find that acceptable whatsoever.

And I surely don't want to be told something like Wonka was saying in his OP. It basically reduces to "when I act crazy, just give in, that way, you'll avoid me getting all pissed about you not agreeing with the first thing I was pissed about!" That kind of reasoning sets a horrible precedent, and I think giving into people like that just makes them worse.

I act super chill around most people most of the time. When I get irrational, I apologize, I don't tell people to just deal with it. That just does added damage, and is totally narcissistic.

The only people I don't act chill around are people that manipulate others into being chill around them! If a person can't provide worthwhile companionship for someone, they shouldn't guilt trip their way into a relationship with them. If they really want respect, they have to earn it like anyone else.

Being an ENFP has absolutely nothing to do with this (except maybe a surface level correlation). Type is useless in this discussion.

For the sake of the rest of the ENFPs, I'm trying really hard to separate Wonka out. His point in the OP makes ENFPs look bad -- when really he should've kept it as a personal thing.

This is where people fall into the MBTI trap and miss the big picture.

Everyone has their vice.

Some people smoke, some people drink.

Some people buy fast cars.

ENFPs tend to get spontaneously stressed out and then they need help to deal with that. Which is a shame because they do spend a lot of time listening to everyone else's problems.

And do note, that it isn't type specific and that everyone explodes sometimes; it's just that some people do it more often than not. ENFPs just make fabulous test subjects for dealing with this.

They generally have a point they feel isn't being validated. They have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong and the fact that they aren't being taken seriously becomes the more important right that they are determined to stress. See beyond the drama and ask what they are actually trying to say, even if you disagree, then deal with it fairly. Any such outburst is emotionally exhausting, they will require your support afterwards.

 

[nolla]

somehow i missed this before. it's really entertaining since much of my family is italian and i guess most of them kind of do talk like this, but i've never interpreted it as a contest or wanting to own someone!! more like... i dunno, emotional bonding or something. energy sharing. the gestures are for extra illustration and emphasis, like physical intonation or something. though i can't deny the head thing, it's kind of a proud (though very loving and warm! culture )

You know, I've been to Italy only for a few weeks, so I never got to know people enough to know how to interpret it... It was just something that I immediately noticed, being an introvert and all...

lots of europeans in general freak me out by how close they stand. i was pleased that finns were not like this.

Yeah, with Finns you have no worries of being touched... The regular distance between people is ridiculous. Especially the further you go from the capital.

 

[Amargith]

Everyone has their vice.

Some people smoke, some people drink.

Some people buy fast cars.

ENFPs tend to get spontaneously stressed out and then they need help to deal with that. Which is a shame because they do spend a lot of time listening to everyone else's problems.
And do note, that it isn't type specific and that everyone explodes sometimes; it's just that some people do it more often than not. ENFPs just make fabulous test subjects for dealing with this.

Thank you! Goddamn, remind me to hug you silly next time I see you

It's nice when someone actually recognizes that need and is willing to help us out, and also appreciates that we gladly and naturally would do the same for them and anyone else

 

[Little Linguist]

Everyone has their vice.

Some people smoke, some people drink.

Some people buy fast cars.

ENFPs tend to get spontaneously stressed out and then they need help to deal with that. Which is a shame because they do spend a lot of time listening to everyone else's problems.

And do note, that it isn't type specific and that everyone explodes sometimes; it's just that some people do it more often than not. ENFPs just make fabulous test subjects for dealing with this.

They generally have a point they feel isn't being validated. They have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong and the fact that they aren't being taken seriously becomes the more important right that they are determined to stress. See beyond the drama and ask what they are actually trying to say, even if you disagree, then deal with it fairly. Any such outburst is emotionally exhausting, they will require your support afterwards.

Thank you! Goddamn, remind me to hug you silly next time I see you

It's nice when someone actually recognizes that need and is willing to help us out, and also appreciates that we gladly and naturally would do the same for them and anyone else

These are the only two things other people have written in this thread that I can really relate to or where I can at least concur wholeheartedly.

 

[nolla]

Thank you! Goddamn, remind me to hug you silly next time I see you

These are the only two things other people have written in this thread that I can really relate to or where I can at least concur wholeheartedly.

Did you guys take this thread as a personal attack against yourselves because of your type? I don't think it was about ENFPs at all. Man, everyone loves ENFPs...

 

[skylights]

You know, I've been to Italy only for a few weeks, so I never got to know people enough to know how to interpret it... It was just something that I immediately noticed, being an introvert and all...

haha i bet. it's definitely a lot of outpouring. i get tired of it sometimes. like at family gatherings, have to go sneak off to my own little corner and just chill with my laptop and some chocolate and enjoy the intensity from afar. lord knows we know how to party, though.

Yeah, with Finns you have no worries of being touched... The regular distance between people is ridiculous. Especially the further you go from the capital.

by the time you get to rovaniemi you can measure the distance in reindeer

Everyone has their vice. [...] ENFPs tend to get spontaneously stressed out and then they need help to deal with that. Which is a shame because they do spend a lot of time listening to everyone else's problems.

They generally have a point they feel isn't being validated. They have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong and the fact that they aren't being taken seriously becomes the more important right that they are determined to stress. See beyond the drama and ask what they are actually trying to say, even if you disagree, then deal with it fairly. Any such outburst is emotionally exhausting, they will require your support afterwards.

if there was a nobel prize for understanding ENFPs and articulating that in a pleasing rational way, sir, it would be yours.

 

[Amargith]

^ No. I just get frustrated to see that in a thread meant for people who wanna learn how to deal better with ENFPs in their lives, who wanna learn about what makes them tick, it somehow is suggested that their natural way of doing this, is supposedly wrong.


I was the first to make a post in this thread about how ENFPs can minimize the damage they can do when they go emo-bomb on people, but to view it as wrong and consider it toxic to the individual as well as the environment just shows poor understanding of how an enfp works imo. Worse even...it shows unwillingness to understand.

And yeah, that irritates me, greatly even.

 

[redacted]

Everyone has their vice.

Some people smoke, some people drink.

Some people buy fast cars.

ENFPs tend to get spontaneously stressed out and then they need help to deal with that. Which is a shame because they do spend a lot of time listening to everyone else's problems.

The prototypical ENFP, yes. But there are hundreds of millions of them... there is HUGE variation between them. Out of the few I know, some are much much more dramatic and narcissistic than others. (One of them that I know probably even has NPD.)

And do note, that it isn't type specific and that everyone explodes sometimes; it's just that some people do it more often than not. ENFPs just make fabulous test subjects for dealing with this.

They generally have a point they feel isn't being validated. They have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong and the fact that they aren't being taken seriously becomes the more important right that they are determined to stress. See beyond the drama and ask what they are actually trying to say, even if you disagree, then deal with it fairly. Any such outburst is emotionally exhausting, they will require your support afterwards.

I do that. But only for people I have respect for.

I respect most people around me, BTW. My point is that Wonka's OP was exceptionally narcissistic, and that it shouldn't be thought of as representative of ENFPs in general.