[ENFP] Upset ENFPs: Handle With Care

[Little Linguist]

Are others really that expressive all the time? I find myself *struggling* with expressing my deepest feelings.

I mean, when it is not something, well, personal - then it's fine. I can bitch about bureaucracy/politics; inefficiency of systems; the way things don't work right; how things could be/operate better; how OTHER people's relationships are fucked up and inconsistencies there; I can analyze others without a problem.

But as soon as I start having a personal problem, where my deepest feelings are involved, I'm so oblivious to my own feelings, much less know how to express them right.

:-/ However, this is a problem that needs to be ameliorated. Because otherwise you blow up like that and then you have real issues. You can only change yourself, not others....

 

[Spartacuss]

a pictorial representation

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

It wasn't really an attempt to insult you.

It was a snarky way of saying that your "insight" into my motivations for posting this thread was inaccurate.

Not that it matters, but I find you pretty agreeable.

You're doing it again. Trying to suck me into a fake stroke-fest. You smile at me, I smile at you, and you get your feeling reconciled.



What about the rest of that post? Do you find that agreeable too? The part where I likened you to drug addict? Show some fight, man, Jesus.

 

[Little Linguist]

I don't personally believe you're an ENFP, but I appreciate your input anyway, Linguist.

There is a wide range within a single type. If you assume there are 6 billion people and 16 personality types, even considering the different percentages among them, ENFP constitutes according to one study in one country (read: biased) 3% of the population.

If we were to assume that this is true among all populations, which is probably not accurate, that would mean we were speaking of 180,000,000 people.

There's bound to be wide variances among such a large segment of the world's population.

But, you're welcome.

 

[Wonkavision]

You're doing it again. Trying to suck me into a fake stroke-fest. You smile at me, I smile at you, and you get your feeling reconciled.



What about the rest of that post? Do you find that agreeable too? The part where I likened you to drug addict? Show some fight, man, Jesus.

Is it that impossible to believe that I find you agreeable?

I often read your posts and think you seem like a cool guy.

I said I find YOU agreeable. I didn't say I agree with what you're saying.

 

[nolla]

Hmm... Does this desire to express need a "target"? I can understand getting stuff out of your system, but if there is no need to influence others, then why not buy a punching bag? There is a big chance here that you will be misinterpreted by the people not knowing what is going on...

 

[Little Linguist]

Hmm... Does this desire to express need a "target"? I can understand getting stuff out of your system, but if there is no need to influence others, then why not buy a punching bag? There is a big chance here that you will be misinterpreted by the people not knowing what is going on...

Fi/Te gone awry? (Just a wild guess, don't beat me up if I got it wrong!) ---> I'm hurt, I feel like shit. YOU YOU BASTARD I AM GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU!!!!!!! RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!! GRRRRARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

And I find exercise very good for getting out steam - much more productive than attacking others when I am royally pissed, which I also used to do.

Sometimes if someone really takes me off guard and makes me go from 0 to 180 mph in 0.56 seconds, I'll fall back into an old habit of just ripping a new one in the person.

But I try to avoid doing that because I find it more destructive than helpful.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I didn't say I agree with what you're saying.

Why not?

 

[Mondo]

I agree that everyone has a right to express his or her feelings and there's something terribly wrong with an environment a person is in if he or she feels unable to express himself/herself.

However, other people have the right to disagree with some of the things an upset ENFP says- I've known some ENFP's who go off the handle when they let their feelings out to someone like me and I don't give them the answer they wanted in the first place. I have the right to disagree and I have the right to give advice. The other person thinks this is me trying "to control them" but that's not my intention at all.

 

[Jaguar]

You don't see it as an issue of right or wrong, but there IS an issue of right or wrong. There's a right way to deal with certain needs and a wrong way.

There is no right or wrong way to deal with "certain needs."
There is only opinion.

 

[Little Linguist]

Perhaps when an ENFP is pissed, they fall into their shadow and temporarily behave like a totally psycho, misaligned, holy-crap-what-the-hell-is-that XSTJ.

I'm not talking about a healthy one, here, those people are awesome.

I'M RIGHT ABOUT THIS. YOU SUCK. TELL ME I'M RIGHT OR YOU'RE GETTING A KICK IN THE PANTS!!!!!! RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LISTEN TO ME!!!!!

I'm CAVE MAN!

I'm HURT so I'm gonna make YOU HURT! (Metaphorically speaking of course)

 

[Wonkavision]

Hmm... Does this desire to express need a "target"? I can understand getting stuff out of your system, but if there is no need to influence others, then why not buy a punching bag? There is a big chance here that you will be misinterpreted by the people not knowing what is going on...

Well, it may be type-related, but I guess I'll only speak for myself on this point.

I don't usually have a particular "target."

It seems like there's some kind of assumption that the only reason to address an issue in public is if you have a particular "target".

It seems natural to me to bring up issues spontaneously, as they come to me.

It's not that I post every thought that occurs to me on this forum. My post count is pretty low considering how long I've been here.

It's just that I don't really fuss too much about whether I should raise an issue or not. I just do it or don't do it.

It remains to be seen whether that's just a natural part of my personality and how much or how little I need to work on it.

I AM a work in progress.

I often act without thinking things through.

In my 35 years of life, it has gotten me in trouble occasionally, but all in all, I'm not terribly stressed about it.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

There is no right or wrong way to deal with "certain needs."
There is only opinion.

An addict has certain needs. Is there a no wrong way to treat an addict? This isn't a debate about moral objectivity; it's about the understanding that certain medicines help relieve symptoms and certain medicines exacerbate them or just don't treat them at all.

 

[Little Linguist]

Let me ask you a question (please don't take this the wrong way)

But when you raise an issue, generally speaking, I mean assuming you're not flying-off-the-handle pissed off, you don't think about what you write? I mean, not hours and hours, but I mean, you have no general...well, not plan...but you know...concept?

P.S. This is not an attack: When I'm excited or angry, I also have a tendency to not think things through as well as I would have liked.

 

[Wonkavision]

Perhaps when an ENFP is pissed, they fall into their shadow and temporarily behave like a totally psycho, misaligned, holy-crap-what-the-hell-is-that XSTJ.

I'm not talking about a healthy one, here, those people are awesome.

I'M RIGHT ABOUT THIS. YOU SUCK. TELL ME I'M RIGHT OR YOU'RE GETTING A KICK IN THE PANTS!!!!!! RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LISTEN TO ME!!!!!

I'm CAVE MAN!

I'm HURT so I'm gonna make YOU HURT! (Metaphorically speaking of course)

Yeah, but one of the main points in the OP is that it won't REACH that level if people use some care in dealing with the ENFP. (Hence, the title: "Upset ENFPs: Handle With Care")

People can take my advice or not.

But God help them if they get torn to shreds by an ENFP.

As, I said in the OP--NOBODY wants that. Not the ENFP or anyone else.

 

[Little Linguist]

Wait a minute, I have to read your post again. I think I may have misunderstood. I'm rather perplexed. Hold on.

Okay, I'm back.

So if you are having a concrete problem, what do you want?

And if you are having an internal problem, what do you want?

And if you are having a relationship problem, what are you looking for?

I think that's what a lot of other types find confusing. If you don't want a solution, and you don't want to have this or that, then WHAT do you WANT?

(Not an attack, but if I try to think in the perspective of another type, I think that is what I would think, I think....)

 

[nolla]

It seems like there's some kind of assumption that the only reason to address an issue in public is if you have a particular "target".

Well, I'm just wondering. Partly, because your type is so close to mine, but your behavior in this case doesn't make sense to me. If you just want to express something and don't need anyone to express it to, then you could just as well beat that punch bag. If you need to express it to one or several individuals, then you are trying to influence them in some way. Right? Communicating is to influence and to be influenced. Even if we are talking about weather.

 

[Wonkavision]

Let me ask you a question (please don't take this the wrong way)

But when you raise an issue, generally speaking, I mean assuming you're not flying-off-the-handle pissed off, you don't think about what you write? I mean, not hours and hours, but I mean, you have no general...well, not plan...but you know...concept?

P.S. This is not an attack: When I'm excited or angry, I also have a tendency to not think things through as well as I would have liked.

Yes and no.

No--I don't have a particular plan or agenda at first. I just have a raw idea or inspiration.

But Yes, it starts to take shape, to some extent, AS I'm writing the post.


In actual conversation, I tend to bounce my ideas off of others in order to flesh out my ideas.
On the forum, I post a thread for the same reason.

Sometimes people respond to that in a positive way, and sometime's they don't.

At this point in my life, I don't see it as a problem I need to fix, despite the fact that it makes some people uncomfortable.

 

[You]

Choke them to death...Or have sex with them.

 

[Little Linguist]

No, it's not a problem - just a different communication style.

My husband is IXTX and seriously.....it drives him bat-shit crazy when I do that. He brings things to the table already completely well thought out and whatever. I bring things to the table to debate and discuss and analyze.

Now that we know this, though, it makes things easier. So I understand why he's basically already made his decision before we talk, and he knows that I'm trying to brainstorm/analyze/do cost-benefit analysis when I talk.

I think we can generally agree that adequate communication on both sides in a way BOTH can understand is vital in any relationship, no matter what kind (friend, business partner, SO, or acquaintance).

That is true regardless, but perhaps most especially, when one side is really ticked off.