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  1. #71
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post

    They're not likely to go apeshit if they are heard.

    More often than not, they will feel satisfied that they were allowed to say how they feel--even if the problem isn't going to be resolved.
    Yes. I need to be listened to. I need to have my point of view heard, not necessarily accepted.

  2. #72
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    Look at this thread. Who got irritated? The INXXs, especially the INXPs. They think things out FIRST. So they assume you brought this thread to the table completely well constructed, giving your best shot. And they ripped it to shreds, calling it crap. You wanted to start a discussion about something to mold it in the process. This is the best example of where IN meets EN and just goes WTF??????
    this is very very true.
    INs usually think that whatever you say it's your final opinion. Whenever i say somehting it's usually to figure out what i am thinking, i can think completely different after 2 hours, but i will say all possible outcomes, to explore them.

  3. #73
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    Yeah, you're totally right to warn people, Wonka.

    An upset ENFP might burn your house down if you aren't careful.

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I think you started this thread because you got shut down in some of your other threads, particularly the Feedback thread. You felt bad, and you thought the answer was to correct it with a little ego stroking, so you started this thread on the theory that it'll rectify your feelings and prevent it from happening again.

    I read your reply to slowriot, and I'll repeat what I said. Being NF is not an excuse or justification for "just wanting to be understood." Your reply to him tries to blur right and wrong (in this case, wise and not wise) by saying that everyone has their needs and everyone is unique, blah blah blah. That's totally irrelevant. No one's contesting that you have your own needs. The issue is how to properly deal with those needs. Not all needs should be satisfied. An addict would be stupid to think that the answer to his addiction is more drugs. Likewise, an angry person would be wrong to think that lashing out (or even vent, says research) is the answer to his problem.

    We have two choices: give into your game where we acknowledge you and stroke your ego for you (what I would consider inauthentic as fuck) or deal with your requests and complaints in a logical, objective, swift manner and move on. The latter beats the former.

    I completely disagree when you're saying that angry or upset people shouldn't "vent." Venting is healthy, as long is it's not violently lashing out at people. Holding anger in or pretending it doesn't exist causes emotional problems. Some people say it even causes cancer.

    But I do agree that every negative emotion should not be coddled, and that there is a right way to express your emotions.

    In my experience of being an NF, being rational, logical, firm but kind or at least patient is the best way to deal with me if I'm upset. Someone who keeps wanting to fight or provoke me just makes me more upset, and someone coddling you too much is ridiculous, I agree.

  5. #75
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Some people say it even causes cancer..
    I think it causes baldness and excessive masturbation.

    Almost as bad as cancer. Vent on, I say.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    You know what I find hard (not as an ENFP, really, but just as Renée)? I find it really hard to know when to differentiate between the following:

    a. venting just to vent
    b. venting at me to piss me off
    c. venting at me to clarify/correct a situation
    d. venting to get an answer
    e. venting about someone else when you're really venting about us/something to do with us vicariously and I'm supposed to somehow pick that out from high heaven
    f. venting about one thing when you're really pissed off about something else
    g. venting about general things when you really mean something specific
    h. venting about specific things when you really mean something general

    Etc. etc. very hard for me to distinguish. I think it's related to the topic. Any ideas how to hone that skill better?
    That is why venting dont always gets the point across that well with most people. That doesnt mean that you shouldnt vent at all. It just means that you should take the other persons perspective in to consideration aswell and be emotional mature enough to understand that most emotions stems from frustration, your frustration. Its physically impossible in all situations as the venter to explain in what context you are venting from but if you could it would help in most situations. Like say "this is not directed at you, but ......" or "I really dont understand this, I need help ...." That would definate help most people and your communication would be that much better.

  7. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    I think it causes baldness and excessive masturbation.

    Almost as bad as cancer. Vent on, I say.
    Ha...well there are ways to deal with it, you know? Write in your journal. Talk to a friend. Scream in the shower. Hit a tree with a baseball bat. And sometimes confrontation is unavoidable.

    I think it can be difficult for INTx, especially, to understand how (some) Fs can be overcome by their feelings.

    Then again, I think some of the best people that have been able to "handle" me and calm me down are either INTx or INFJs. Not that I think a person should be excessively "handled"...I mean, my ex is an emotional volcano. I think that's not okay. NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT...someone who constantly dumps on others like their emotional trash can (someone already mentioned that image) and expects others to baby them.

    So I can see it from both sides. I can see it from the perspective of being a sensitive NF, but I can also see it from the perspective of someone who has had to live around someone who goes around inflicting themselves on other people to a point of childish ridiculousness. The latter is NOT okay.

  8. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    I completely disagree when you're saying that angry or upset people shouldn't "vent." Venting is healthy, as long is it's not violently lashing out at people. Holding anger in or pretending it doesn't exist causes emotional problems. Some people say it even causes cancer.

    But I do agree that every negative emotion should not be coddled, and that there is a right way to express your emotions.

    In my experience of being an NF, being rational, logical, firm but kind or at least patient is the best way to deal with me if I'm upset. Someone who keeps wanting to fight or provoke me just makes me more upset, and someone coddling you too much is ridiculous, I agree.
    As I understand what ThatWhatHeSaid and I is saying is pretty much what you posted on here. No one in this thread is saying venting is wrong. Only that one exhibiting some of the traits wonka has expressed here could be seen as immature and egocentric.

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by slowriot View Post
    As I understand what ThatWhatHeSaid and I is saying is pretty much what you posted on here. No one in this thread is saying venting is wrong. Only that one exhibiting some of the traits wonka has expressed here could be seen as immature and egocentric.
    Right.

  10. #80
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    But you know, on the other hand, I've noticed that some NTs (most often NTPs, and most of all ENTPs) enjoy going around provoking NFs for amusement. Then they have the nerve to act surprised or even superior when it works.

    That's also immature and egocentric.

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