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  1. #321
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    The OP was imo most likely meant to increase understanding about this part of ENFPs and give suggestions as to how to deal with it most productively. Not meant to claim that this should be condoned by the masses.
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #322
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    ^ No. I just get frustrated to see that in a thread meant for people who wanna learn how to deal better with ENFPs in their lives, who wanna learn about what makes them tick, it somehow is suggested that their natural way of doing this, is supposedly wrong.


    I was the first to make a post in this thread about how ENFPs can minimize the damage they can do when they go emo-bomb on people, but to view it as wrong and consider it toxic to the individual as well as the environment just shows poor understanding of how an enfp works imo. Worse even...it shows unwillingness to understand.

    And yeah, that irritates me, greatly even.
    It's not wrong. Just difficult to understand sometimes. That's why I mentioned "appears" to have little to no substance. Explanations help.

    Most often, I don't have a problem understanding ENFP women. Now the men like Wonkavision are a different ballgame since there's a lot more aggression underlying the emotional blasts.

  3. #323
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Did you guys take this thread as a personal attack against yourselves because of your type? I don't think it was about ENFPs at all. Man, everyone loves ENFPs...
    When someone brings up a new idea/thought/concept, the first thing I do is filter it through my - internal - whatchamacallit. This makes me appear egocentric, but that's not really true. I'm kinda splitting it between what makes sense, what feels right, and what I have known to be accurate for me in the past.

    So this means, in essence, that I have the capability of being very logical or taking things very personally, depending on the situation.

    If something strikes a nerve or somehow conflicts with some kind of principle or value, I kinda take it personally. If not, I have the ability to be oddly cool and detached.

  4. #324
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    @ Metaphor: Anger is an emotion that allows you to feel somewhat in control, and ready for action. It's often used to surpress insecurity, pain, grief, sadness and hurt. Since men are generally less allowed by society to show this kind of vulnerability, they seem to often channel it into anger in order to be able to protect themselves and those they care for from attack. In essence though, from what I could tell, he was, in his own way, venting frustration and trying to reach out and make himself understood to those he perceived to have a disconnect with.
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  5. #325
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    ^ No. I just get frustrated to see that in a thread meant for people who wanna learn how to deal better with ENFPs in their lives, who wanna learn about what makes them tick, it somehow is suggested that their natural way of doing this, is supposedly wrong.
    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    The OP was imo most likely meant to increase understanding about this part of ENFPs and give suggestions as to how to deal with it most productively. Not meant to claim that this should be condoned by the masses.
    TBH, I discerned another agenda from the OP, as it seemed did other people, which is how he became a punching bag.

  6. #326
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    The OP was imo most likely meant to increase understanding about this part of ENFPs and give suggestions as to how to deal with it most productively. Not meant to claim that this should be condoned by the masses.
    Really?

    (Re-reads OP)

    Wow, so it looks like that was massively edited since the last time I read it. Still:

    If they feel that they are being dismissed or silenced or told they "shouldn't" feel they way they feel, they are likely to resort to extreme behavior in order to make sure they are heard.

    NOBODY wants this to happen. Not the ENFP or anyone else.

    The more you dismiss them or try to silence them, the more problems will result in the end.
    This is bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. I don't think ENFPs have to be approached this way -- like you have to tiptoe around them. If I actually took that message to heart, I'd lose respect for ENFPs.

    If someone can't communicate something, or is saying untrue things about what they're thinking, why should they expect a positive response? They're misrepresenting themselves and they want people to know that. But sometimes they're not misrepresenting themselves. So to put the responsibility of figuring that out on the OTHER PERSON is completely stupid. No one can read minds. If you express yourself in a non-productive way, you are the one creating the problem. Not the person who is listening.

    No one gets to just throw tantrums and expect the other people around them to give in. Most ENFPs completely agree with this.

    I don't think it's productive at all to tell the people around you "hey, I'm going to be crazy sometimes, and it's up to you to figure out when and placate me. if I insult you, don't be offended, except when I actually mean it. Oh yeah, and you have to figure out if I do mean it."

  7. #327
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Wow. Again with hidden agendas, and again with the reading between the lines instead of honestly looking at something and wondering if possibly, it could work that way for others.

    I'm done with this thread *sigh*
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  8. #328
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    okay... so i know some people would like to see discussion of wonka cease with him not being here, but being that this is his thread and his subject seemed to mainly be based around himself, i think it's not a terrible thing to talk about his behavior as long as we do so respectfully. to put a moratorium on discussing it would be to ignore the central catalyst of the thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Evan View Post
    My point is that Wonka's OP was exceptionally narcissistic, and that it shouldn't be thought of as representative of ENFPs in general.
    yeah... wonka's OP was worded in a way that was more offensive than he realized, i feel like, which we NFPs have a tendency to do when in the heat of trying to clarify things. i think he made a strong statement telling others what to do without accounting for what he will do for others. and then the dissenting opinions started pouring in, which was no surprise, looking back on it, but that only served to ignite his sense of identity, putting him on the defense and making him seem very self absorbed. the more people said no, the more he lashed out, until leaving.

    i suppose my point here was that it was narcissistic, but i imagine through his lens it did not seem to be. to him it probably looked like an attack despite his attempt to help others. and i think that's what's easily missed - the purpose of the thread was not just to help ENFPs, or himself, but to help others understand what the hell to do with us if we're freaking them out. though that is not to say that wonka didn't seem slightly more fiery and self-interested than the average ENFP.

    i suppose, somewhat ironically, this thread is a case-in-point of both how not to handle an upset ENFP, as well as how the ENFP should not handle himself.

  9. #329
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    So with NTs, the anger becomes focused and with NFs, the anger is broadcasted.

  10. #330
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    i suppose my point here was that it was narcissistic, but i imagine through his lens it did not seem to be.
    Exactly. Which is why he was doomed.

    Sad, from one perspective. But I am glad he's gone. I hated having to deal with him misreading my posts and calling me autistic because I was more logical. It's not like he was without fault.

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