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  1. #201
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Forest View Post
    I only read the OP, it was very accurate regarding a friend of mine.

    How do i make an ENFP STFU when they're upset more often than i can deal with? He has been grieving for some time and i have done what i can to help, but as an introvert i simply don't have the time or energy to deal with his endless self-expression that dominates our friendship. I am his best friend apparently but I am very over it and want to decrease his attachment to me in a nice way... but he won't let me - he is demanding of my attention which is extremely irritating and is basically making me hate him. Avoiding/ignoring an ENFP seems to make them very dramatic, frustrated and angry and therefore much more annoying. Directly asking for space caused him to try to guilt trip me into talking to him in a way that i thought was blatantly obvious; i don't really want anything to do with someone like that. I think i am going to need to tell him to simply leave me alone and be mean... is there not a nicer way? We have mutual friends so i don't want to create lots of drama, though it seems inevitable as he doesn't seem willing to let his attachment to me go.
    Urgh. Takes me back to being a teenager. Sorry dude, I don't know a way out of your conundrum short of major major doorslamming. Unfortunately drama will ensue regardless.

  2. #202
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    No, it was fine as it was, don't quote modify for your benefit. I was being very explicit in my viewpoint.

    But yes ENFPs; just listen to them, hug it out. With a little luck the ENFP is patient enough to listen back. They are going to do what they want anyway.
    I don't really see what benefit I can get from that really. I'm being honest and I'm not alone here among ENFP's.
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  3. #203
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glass Forest View Post
    I only read the OP, it was very accurate regarding a friend of mine.

    How do i make an ENFP STFU when they're upset more often than i can deal with? He has been grieving for some time and i have done what i can to help, but as an introvert i simply don't have the time or energy to deal with his endless self-expression that dominates our friendship. I am his best friend apparently but I am very over it and want to decrease his attachment to me in a nice way... but he won't let me - he is demanding of my attention which is extremely irritating and is basically making me hate him. Avoiding/ignoring an ENFP seems to make them very dramatic, frustrated and angry and therefore much more annoying. Directly asking for space caused him to try to guilt trip me into talking to him in a way that i thought was blatantly obvious; i don't really want anything to do with someone like that. I think i am going to need to tell him to simply leave me alone and be mean... is there not a nicer way? We have mutual friends so i don't want to create lots of drama, though it seems inevitable as he doesn't seem willing to let his attachment to me go.

    You catch them on a moment that they're reasonably stable, not lamenting, and tell them that you need to talk. You explain to them clearly but emphatically that you understand the pain they're going through, and how hard it must be to deal with that, and you do wanna be there for him as a friend, as you do care for them, but you're not sure you're capable of actually providing what they truly need to deal with this properly.


    Allow time for them to ask: what do you mean. You then explain to them in the same way as you did to us, minus the harsher parts of how you're resenting him and trying to avoid him, that it's something that's above your capacity, though you clearly see that he needs help and therefore are trying your best but not feeling it's adequate. Emphasize that you like who they are but just don't know how to deal with this. Then proceed to explore their options with them, as this is what you guys are best at. Is there a friend, a teacher, a counsellor, his mother, *anyone* who would be qualified to do this job?


    Also, I gotto ask, if it's not too personal, what happened, how long ago was it and is he stuck in a loop? Coz that could mean that he's stuck in ranting mode and not moving on..and that means something needs to happen to get him to the next stage (the five stages of processing shit 'denial to acceptance'). If you could trigger that in some way, you'll find it a lot easier to be around them. I too go mad when someone gets stuck in a loop and refuses blatantly to move naturally through that loop as it is just not healthy..not for the individual, nor the environment.

    I know ENFPs can be incredibly intense to deal with, and few people are actually up to this, ime. Don't feel bad, you're not the first, nor will you be the last to feel an incredible need to get away from this *now*
    Know that once ENFPs somewhat get a handle on riding the wild Fi-beast, they tend to self-regulate this stuff, and find, as a back-up, someone who can take their rants.

    If you would wanna be that person, btw, you can learn to be that (it's incredibly appreciated, trust me), by being your INTJ self, and using your understanding of who they are and how they work to see through the emotions (I'm talking in general now, not if they're stuck on a loop), and help them logically walk through things after they've done the whole ranting/venting thing. It tends to rerail us as we need someone to sort out our thoughts with us
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  4. #204
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wonkavision View Post
    The best strategy for dealing with an upset ENFP:
    As was told to me by an MBTI professional, it consists of 3 stages.

    1. What's the matter?
    2. What do you intend to do about it?
    3. STFU

    Apparently if asking one and two does not lead to an answer then most probably the ENFP is trying to get you as wound up as they are and as such should be silenced as they will achieve no good.

    I've been informed by an ENFP that this tactic is adversarial, counter productive and grossly unfair.

    So it seems to be working so far
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  5. #205
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    That man needs his license revoked.
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  6. #206
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    That man needs his license revoked.
    License?

    Consultants aren't licensed. You're supposed to just accept them as qualified.

    Btw, it does work. It's the same theory as the one Wonka posted... just phrased for an NT's memory
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  7. #207
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    License?

    Consultants aren't licensed. You're supposed to just accept them as qualified.

    Btw, it does work. It's the same theory as the one Wonka posted... just phrased for an NT's memory
    Crude. But this is kinda like your cue-card then I take it? You fill it in a bit more? Plz tell me you soften out those rough edges during the process
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  8. #208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Xander View Post
    License?

    Consultants aren't licensed. You're supposed to just accept them as qualified.

    Btw, it does work. It's the same theory as the one Wonka posted... just phrased for an NT's memory
    Crude. But this is kinda like your cue-card then I take it? You fill it in a bit more? Plz tell me you soften out those rough edges during the process
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  9. #209
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Satine View Post
    Crude. But this is kinda like your cue-card then I take it? You fill it in a bit more? Plz tell me you soften out those rough edges during the process
    Not really. I try to never give my ENFP friend any "side" to what I say. If I ask him to be quiet he should be able to relax knowing that there is a reason I asked and it's not to suppress him or anything. HE should be able to trust that I'm asking him to be quiet so I can say something or I heard something or some such like that. I tend to find that the more I complicate the message, the more his brain finds an alternate meaning which matches what his current mood is. So yeah I'm entirely likely to deliver it warts and all in part just to stop him doing the whole negative ISTJ where he rejects all ideas because he's not sure what he wants but he knows he wants something.

    It's been my experience that pandering to NFs is counter productive. Sometimes punching cute ol kitty in the face is precisely what is required to help them feel better. Especially with ENFJs!!
    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  10. #210
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    Might work with ENFJs but I think you'll just alienate an ENFP in that way. I can take all the punching you wanna throw at me, but only *after* you've shown that you do understand and respect my pov. I have no problem with most NTJs telling me like it is, but usually they'll first show that they care about me and understand where I'm coming from before they rip me a new one *for my own good* That kinda tough love...really awesome. Do it without the prep though and I just wanna get away from you asap.
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