I'm sure you can appreciate that if, for an Fi user, motivation is given more credence than result, then being misattributed motivations by others would be a sensitive situation or potential source of conflict. This would be especially true for Fe users who are already trying to work from the destination ends of the communication, rather than the origin — the extraverted area of communication, if you will.
I'm troubled by trying to pursue this though. We have very very few Fe doms using the podium here, and quite a few Fi doms participating in this thread. To the Fi users: thank you! As exposing as it may have been for some of you, it's been really very valuable to read. And I have a lot to think about. But we have quite a few Fi doms, very few (any?) Fe doms. And furthermore, we don't seem to have any Fe or Fi Sensors participating in this thread — which is glaring for me when somebody brings up conflicts they've had with their ESFJ or ISFJ parents over Fe — so the scope of what we can talk about is going to be limited.
Most of the Fe users here in this thread use it as an auxiliary. Is it possible that what some are attributing as Fe characteristics are actually arising from other introverted functions that are then being channeled through Fe? I say this because on further thought, my own reaction just now probably has less to do with being an Fe user than being an Ni dom. I don't think this issue with being mislabeled is necessarily particular to Fe, but rather has more to do with other functions operating alongside/interpreting Fe. Are there any Fe-Si users reading this thread that can confirm or disprove this — that is, is it more of an Fe issue or originating elsewhere?
For me, perception and context is everything, because the way I organize data is by starting with universal chaos and bringing it to order by examining it in different ways and using perspective shifts to solve problems. But that's straight-up Ni, isn't it? So not attempting to police or address incorrect assumptions is going to lead to misunderstandings — because we've become limited in our ability to examine a situation with the most accurate set of mental pictures. That plus the emotional boundaries issues makes for rather upsetting situations, because emotional projection, misreading, mirroring and such also starts coming into play. I want to participate in consensual reality with others, but I want to check that my projection of my self is being read parallel to my intentions as accurately as possible.
I guess that might sound really fuzzy and "timey-wimey," but I'm sure I or someone else can provide examples of the kind of impact I'm talking about.
Granted there are possible disconnects all over the place: I might not be self aware of my own emotional state and of what I am projecting. Or the receiver might misinterpret my emotions and therefore my intentions therefore losing focus on what I'm trying to say — which then stalls us until we can sort through all the emotional bull and get back to the point.
I guess the ultimate point is, I'd rather be the one to articulate my emotional state than someone else trying to "help" me address and articulate it for me. Oftentimes trying to articulate an emotional state can be premature, because I need time to very specifically pinpoint what I'm feeling and where that feeling is coming from, and whether it is going to resurge.
Once you say "I am angry" you have conceptually bonded yourself to that feeling by articulating it out loud — possibly long before you were ready. So if someone else is trying to do that for you, it's even more aggravating because either that person is totally off the mark (the translation issue) or they're trying to get you to emotionally process something you are still trying to digest — rush you through something you're not ready for. Or, the third option: it really has very little bearing on the situation because you are trying to address the result of a communication, not the origin of the feeling.
Several users liked the "distracting barking dog" analogy. For me, it's less a barking dog and more of a weather station. Usually, it's just a drizzle and people are standing around shouting "It's raining! It's raining!" when you're the scientist trying to chart and see if there's a hurricane looming on the horizon or if it's going to clear up in a few minutes. I don't need to feed the barking dog, I need to monitor where the storm is going, how it's likely to evolve, before I can name it Hurricane Affably.