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  1. #541
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    True, tat..feel free to nuance it more according to the so-dom way
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #542
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    And here's where I start to lose the distinction between F descriptions and instinctual variants from the Enneagram (for example), since we tend to use them as if they are different and not interrelated, but now they're intruding on each other's turf as we discuss intimacy and speed of connection. How much of this stuff is individual preference and how much of it is actually a type? etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    ^ maybe some of this is enneagram-related too; I wouldn't take Satine's metaphor to the extreme for myself. As an sx, Satine is primed to make those intense connections even more so.
    Ah, just saw this... so I'm not the only one wondering.

    Quote Originally Posted by Satine
    feel free to nuance it more according to the so-dom way
    Here is where I really want to make an awful crack about someone being all "so-dom"-y.
    ... but I won't.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #543
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Fuckbuddies and one night stands? That's pretty cold. Not exactly my idea of a romantic relationship.

  4. #544
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    The more we talk, the more Fi seems bizarre to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaguar View Post
    Fuckbuddies and one night stands? That's pretty cold. Not exactly my idea of a romantic relationship.
    No, it's not just you. The comparison of Fi connections to one night stands isn't quite ringing true to me, either.

  5. #545
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Satine, if I (God forbid) were to ever find myself crying in public, the last thing that would ease my pain would be someone I didn't know well hugging me. I'd be embarrassed enough to be crying in the first place, let alone in front of people I didn't know. How do you distinguish? Because quite honestly, I could see myself tearing a strip off someone if they did that right then (well, at least the INFJ version of tearing a strip off).

  6. #546
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    I really like what Satine said. I actually really treasure those unexpected moments of going to an unplumbed depth with someone fairly new to me. It's not something I can do with just anyone- it is kind of a "planets aligning" thing. I had that experience most recently just this past weekend. A dear friend invited me and three other of her closest friends to have a bonfire and do some ghei exercise with writing down things we want to let go on beautiful paper and burning them in the fire. I only knew my friend, not her other friends. I ended up bonding pretty deeply in the moment with one of her other friends. It's never expected- we just mind melded pretty spontaneously. But I don't expect to ever see again, outside of other social events with our mutual friend. Now that Satine has described it I realize that I do this pretty often and then just never see those people again, and that's okay.

    The difference I see between that and PeaceBaby/Jennifer taking a trip together in this thread is that it just happens spontaneously. No one is trying to orchestrate it or make it happen or pull the other into it.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  7. #547
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    No, it's not just you. The comparison of Fi connections to one night stands isn't quite ringing true to me, either.
    Sex= the most inimate part of physical intimacy right?

    Before that you have anything from coming into someone's personal bubble/space, to softly touching, to caressing, petting, kissing's somewhere in there, as are shoulder pats amongst buddies, cuddles, tickling etc...


    What I'm saying is that Fi jumps to the most intimate part of emotional intimacy. And Fidelia rather goes through all of the other 'emotional' steps before that, while we jump right in...


    So in essence, Fi may want a soulmate, a lifepartner emotionally, but will also, while in search of that, gladly bond emotionally in that intimate way for a one night stand, as fuckbuddies, as well as like serial dating etc.


    When you sleep with a man when you are just incredibly attracted to him and don't know him that well yet, you can still share something special. But, since there is no previous bond, the expectations usually (usually!) are minimal. Still..afterwards you can consider him intriguing enough to date him again. And after that you could decide it's been enough or you wanna get to know him more, etc etc. There is no expectation to build up to life partners, though it may go there.

    Fi does the same emotionally, in a way. It builds intimate emotional experiences with people, without expecting there to be social obligations, though it doesn't rule those out.

    That's my point.
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  8. #548
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Satine, if I (God forbid) were to ever find myself crying in public, the last thing that would ease my pain would be someone I didn't know well hugging me. I'd be embarrassed enough to be crying in the first place, let alone in front of people I didn't know. How do you distinguish? Because quite honestly, I could see myself tearing a strip off someone if they did that right then (well, at least the INFJ version of tearing a strip off).
    *smiles*

    You set the pace, remember? People who are aware of social protocol, tend to, if they breach it, be completely awkward about it. I'll gently smile, letting you know I'm ok with it, you don't need to be embarassed, but I'll look away, coz I *know* you prefer that.

    But if someone is completely distraught, and clearly losing their mind, and beyond caring what their environment thinks *becoz* they're hurting so much...my instant, immediate physical response is to hold them. Make them feel like they're not alone, like they don't have to do this alone. Coz that is the worst feeling ever.

    When you still care about your environment..you're not at that point yet. And I'll recognize that
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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  9. #549
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    Such people fail to comprehend the toxic effects of offloading their feelings onto others.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    YES. this is such an important point, and perhaps this is somewhat of the source of all the empathy-sympathy drama. i think that seeing another person in a less-than-good state is painful to all of us, but for an introverted Feeler, we introvert the feeling. it actively hurts us, which in part causes me to be so freaked out and impulsive and blow-uppy when another person and i are in conflict. i've got all this negative stuff coming into me and i feel like i have no way of stopping it - hence the Te hammer. for an extraverted Feeler, you are very, very good at seeing and understanding and relating with the other's pain, and you can feel your own pain for their state, but you do not have to adopt that pain as your own to understand it. we do - and to some extent this gives us an insider view, but to another, it means that we sacrifice the ability to block off ourselves.
    This is one issue I have with Fi-users. For me, there's a selfish tinge to this, although it may appear, emphathetic.

    "Be emotionally okay because that will make my emotional state okay."

    It's a nice sentiment, but, it undermines the depth and complexity of my feeling when it seems like the worry is no longer about me working through those emotions for myself, but, working through my emotions for US BOTH. Especially when I'm feeling such raw emotions, the last thing I need is another worry added on top of that, which is managing how the Fi-user feels as well.

    This is a reason I am very hesitant to tell my INFP mother anything that deeply saddens or upsets me because I know she will not be able to sleep (ruminating over and over) and will start reflecting such emotional state herself [ofc, this is also cuz she's my mother]. I feel like only sharing "positive" emotions with her - which saddens me.

    I want to be able to have my emotions just be about ME [and NO ONE ELSE], without the other option being to keep the emotions to myself to achieve said state. It's restrictive to self-expression.


    Quote Originally Posted by Morgan Le Fay View Post
    I seldom express strong emotion in the presence of others and try to be as restrained as possible, not because I feel nothing - like the stereotypical INTP robot - but because I'm hyperaware of polluting other people with my own emotional state (of course I don't always succeed).
    I guess the difference is that I don't see it as "polluting" other people, as I see it as confiding in those I trust, and an expectation that they'll be able to be there for ME, without losing themselves, in the process.

    But I don't seem to get that consideration from strong Fe types. I can get really stressed, even physically ill around them when they're emoting at me. I feel like I'm having to dissipate all this toxic energy and I don't know what to do with it. I know other Fi users who feel similarly. It's damned exhausting.
    Should then people keep emotional expressions to themselves, unless it's "positive emotions"? That seems highly restricting and superficial.

  10. #550
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Satine, if I (God forbid) were to ever find myself crying in public, the last thing that would ease my pain would be someone I didn't know well hugging me. I'd be embarrassed enough to be crying in the first place, let alone in front of people I didn't know. How do you distinguish? Because quite honestly, I could see myself tearing a strip off someone if they did that right then (well, at least the INFJ version of tearing a strip off).
    Actually, at this bonfire I mentioned, I did cry- during the aforementioned ghei exercise of writing something and then burning it, I had written something very personal and painful and when I tried to say it out loud my eyeballs started to leak. (Stupid eyeballs.) Yes, it was embarrassing, and yes, I just wanted it to stop. But the person I would later end up sort of bonding with in the moment just came up and hugged me and it was very comforting. Ordinarily it wouldn't be, and if I felt that a person was fulfilling an Fe need to acknowledge me I would probably stiffen up and then find the next tactful excuse to go home.
    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

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