While it may feel like Fe formality to you, there are a lot of the beginning stages of establishing a relationship that we haven't even begun to do. I mean, if we knew each other in real life, I'd put us at an acquaintance stage. I know your real name, what type your husband is, what you look like, and I've seen a few of your interactions on here. That is not enough information for me to base a deep, deep friendship on.
At this point, our relationship cannot not handle my complete honesty, even if I am not trying to be hurtful. It's only when I get to a point where that is possible (for me that's the ultimate kind of vulnerability) that I also am likely to embark on the hand in hand journey. There are a very few people who are akin to me that I am able to skip over some of the preliminary stages more quickly with. Generally though, establishing rapport involves prolonged, increasingly in depth contact over a period of time. I feel like you would like to skip right to the core. When you try to push that happening sooner (while missing the preliminary steps), I find myself resisting. I think it's a reaction to Te methods rather than you yourself. I understand that your motives are excellent and you just want to further understanding.
I realize that probably sounds like I want things only on my terms. I'm still sorting out that part. I realize that separately negotiating everything is an important part of developing a relationship to Fi users. In some cases, I have the impetus and reason to invest that amount of emotional energy and therefore I find it easier to do so.
I am close friends with several Fi users already, so it's not that I don't appreciate their point of view. It's just that that very closeness makes it difficult sometimes to ask questions or figure out some of this stuff. Quite truthfully, at this point, I am attempting to do what I can to maintain and develop my relationship with those people. I am looking to better understand them and myself so that I can be a better friends to them and communicate more effectively. Perhaps that is not something that is possible to do outside of the context of that specific relationship.
Hopefully that helps explain things a little better.