User Tag List

First 789101119 Last

Results 81 to 90 of 197

  1. #81
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    Stop being so understanding and considerate of my feelings that I disarm and feel soothed in your presence.
    And isn't that what the OP has drawn as a conclusion? I don't think it's a bad one - making yourself a confidante or emotional support to someone certainly puts you in danger of attaching them to you. Affairs begin that way.

    Again, once you are AWARE that you are sending someone flirting vibes when you don't intend to, then it is irresponsible to continue (I don't mean "you" personally, but in general). You can be made aware by how the person responds; I don't buy total oblivion concerning response. If that were the case, the ENFJ in the OP's situation would not keep backing out at key moments. Especially in a situation where there is a romantic history is this "obliviousness' an irresponsible cop-out.

    It seems the ENFJs realize this, back off, but then pop back up when they need that "soothing". And yes, a lot of people use INFPs to "soothe" them - it's like free therapy. When INFPs catch on & mature a bit, we're usually not so free with it though. I bear responsibility for my actions - I don't show too much concern towards men looking for emotional "healing" anymore. It definitely gives the WRONG idea to show that level of attention, and I'm not interested in leading anyone on.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #82
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    I'm still getting over the hurt from my INFJ ex-girlfriend.
    Point for the home team.
    Sorry to hear it. I don't associate with many INFJs x:
    Quote Originally Posted by TheEmeraldCanopy View Post
    Is this just applying to relationships? Or do you mean with everything in life, that INFPs "love to sabotage themselves"? You seem to have met and known a lot of INFPs, so could you offer examples of this, in the INFPs you've seen, beyond relationships (if you're implying that this goes beyond relationships and into everything else)?

    You can PM me if that's easier for you. This just really caught my attention, and I'm very curious.
    From my experience, it applies to everything. I've constantly been surrounded by an INFP or two at any given time, be they close friends or significant others.
    My INFP ex would be over-excited about trying to get me to date him again. It would be to the point where it would backfire and I would refuse to date him. When I did agree to date him again, he would sabotage himself by expecting me to be 200% concerned about him and his feelings, opposed to my own. When dating, despite his overzealousness toward me, he would do exactly what I asked him not to do and always expect forgiveness. I could have written him a manual to follow to allow things to go smoothly, but he still would have sabotaged the hell out of it. This was throughout the ages of 16-24 for him.
    (I do know INFPs don't like being told what they should/shouldn't do, but I'm low maintenance.)

    My INFP ex best friend would constantly play the victim. "I can't work because of my social anxiety" "I'm afraid I'll pass out if I work" "I can't finish my math class because.. excuse 1-5" "I don't want to accept help for math because I'll feel dumb" etc. This was while myself and her own significant other were offering her help frequently and reassuring her. She was like this with her own life since she was 12. She's probably 25 now, and I wouldn't doubt her being the same way.
    Also, she treated her significant other (INFP, as well) like dirt. He constantly paid for her, dealt with her clinging, and stuck with her. Despite her clinging, there was a time where she would privately blog about not loving him and just using him for sex. Methinks they are still together.

    Ex best friend's INFP significant other. He dates my crazy ex best and puts up with her antics for 5+ years. He deals with all of the abuse and manipulation and keeps coming back for more. He works to pay for her life and he changes all of his ideals to better suit hers. He puts off school and himself for her. He's 26 now and I do believe he started to pick up his life about a year ago. Likely a combination of 1) Getting older and 2) Being broken to bits by someone.

    Current INFP close friend can be very responsible and can get things done when she needs to. She can be better at that than I am sometimes. She's 21, which likely helps the matter. What she lacks, is life experience/being broken. The only ways she sabotages herself is by getting distracted and not devoting to what she wants and by refusing to put herself out there to experience relationships. She's least in the personal abuse realm, but INFP females hang out more in the deluded fantasy realm.

    Current INFP significant other is one of the most intelligent and potential-filled people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing or dating. In some ways, he has his self preservation. In others, he shapes the abuse and deterrence of his life experience. Living life suits him so undeniably well, but for some reason he can't get out of his own way. Then there are times when he is the only one to have an awareness of hindering himself. Usually, he'll choose to roam the forum or get sucked into a videogame, rather than really involving himself in his life, even if he knows he should and wants to.

    - Now -
    The older INFPs that I've chitchatted with tend to have a defining point. It's a certain age range, a certain negative life event, or a combination of the two. They know exactly how they used to sabotage themselves and can explain it in great detail, especially the point of change. They also aren't as anti-authoritarian as the younger ones.
    Their 'wisdom' about young INFPs is truly awesome though. It warms my soul.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  3. #83
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    3,278

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    And isn't that what the OP has drawn as a conclusion? I don't think it's a bad one - making yourself a confidante or emotional support to someone certainly puts you in danger of attaching them to you. Affairs begin that way.

    Again, once you are AWARE that you are sending someone flirting vibes when you don't intend to, then it is irresponsible to continue (I don't mean "you" personally, but in general). You can be made aware by how the person responds; I don't buy total oblivion concerning response. If that were the case, the ENFJ in the OP's situation would not keep backing out at key moments. Especially in a situation where there is a romantic history is this "obliviousness' an irresponsible cop-out.

    It seems the ENFJs realize this, back off, but then pop back up when they need that "soothing". And yes, a lot of people use INFPs to "soothe" them - it's like free therapy. When INFPs catch on & mature a bit, we're usually not so free with it though. I bear responsibility for my actions - I don't show too much concern towards men looking for emotional "healing" anymore. It definitely gives the WRONG idea to show that level of attention, and I'm not interested in leading anyone on.
    The portion of what you quoted is hypothetical though.
    And if you don't quote all of what I type, you miss the context of what I meant.
    Although I do tend to feel very disarmed in the presence of certain people and I do get emotional support from people. It's not such a one sided affair.
    The people I confide with tend to have a symbiotic relationship with me.
    I build them up too.

    But that is not my point. My point was to turn the tables on you hypothetically and tell you, you are responsible for my behavior instead.
    Did you miss that?

    Because I am still not leading anyone on by being myself and I have yet to hear something that can shift this perspective.

    This is not an ENFJ issue , but rather an issue with an ENFJ .
    So when the Thread is titled "ENFJs I have you figured out"
    And then the OP goes on to not to explain ENFJs at all . but rather to express frustration with an incompatible romantic interest and "blame" ENFJs in general for this behavior,then it's absurd bordering on outrageous.
    And that really is my only point.

    This thread is insane by my standards.
    I am sorry for that.

  4. #84
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    But that is not my point. My point was to turn the tables on you hypothetically and tell you, you are responsible for my behavior instead.
    Did you miss that?
    Not behavior, emotions. Yes, I would bear some responsibility for your emotional response if I continued to act in a way which affected you once I was aware of it. Both people have responsibility when it comes to interactions.

    Because I am still not leading anyone on by being myself and I have yet to hear something that can shift this perspective.
    If you're not leading anyone on, then good for you. More than a few ENFJs apparently do, or every other thread about ENFJs wouldn't include this topic. Obviously, the OP is noting a pattern.

    This is not an ENFJ issue , but rather an issue with an ENFJ .
    So when the Thread is titled "ENFJs I have you figured out"
    And then the OP goes on to not to explain ENFJs at all . but rather to express frustration with an incompatible romantic interest and "blame" ENFJs in general for this behavior,then it's absurd bordering on outrageous.
    And that really is my only point.
    Every type gets this....a few posts above has young INFPs described as a bunch of whiny "victims" who are irresponsible & clingy & seek out abusive relationships. Well, isn't that flattering....

    If it doesn't apply, then don't sweat it - it's not about you. I can't explain behavior of so-called INFPs that I don't relate to at all. Maybe these people aren't INFP, maybe they are, but if every discussion depended on typing people accurately, new threads would be a lot more scarce.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #85
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Socionics
    INFp
    Posts
    283

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post

    From my experience, it applies to everything.
    Why do you think INFPs as a collective do this? (based on your opinion and the opinions/ wisdom of the "older" INFPs around you?)

    I have an xNFJ friend that also tells me I need to sort of be broken as you say (although she says this in different wording), that I need lots of life experience.

    Specifically, where is an one supposed to start? What life experiences are considered essential to growth? Or is it just more of the general getting out there and being there sort of thing?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  6. #86
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I'll likely PM beyond this, but I've noticed (and been told by other NFJs/NFPs) that INFPs don't function properly until they are either broken or until they age enough.
    Sounds like something I would say, especially the part where an INFP needs to first be broken to really grow. I would be very interested in hearing more, if you have the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Instead of addressing the topic directly, ENFJs usually divert attention away from it, just as what is happening now. Ah, that Fe is a sneaky little bugger...
    The OP seemed more about expression of frustration and accusation than a genuine attempt to open up discussion. I don’t see INFPs responding much better if a similar thread was created about us.

    We're not talking about just being nice & polite anyway - the OP is talking about this in the context of dating someone. Maybe I have this view because I've read more of the back story in other threads; if it's the same guy, then he's been yanking her around for awhile. He was dating her, but still in love with his ex, blah blah blah. And yes, it's also her responsibility to cut herself free, but that doesn't make his behavior okay.
    His behavior was not okay, and I’ll be surprised if anyone tries to defend it. I still don't understand why she gets to blame the other person.

    I'm just tired of hearing people spew greeting card advice in the form of dismissive lines like "take responsibility for your own emotions". Oh really? Thanks - that solves everything! :rolli:
    Why do you decide to dismiss legitimate advice as mere “greeting card” clichés?

    I'll try to elaborate: When you take responsibility for your emotions, you are no longer the victim that is being helplessly carried away by the manipulative ENFJ. You empower yourself. Perhaps the ENFJ is doing something to trigger your attraction, and then taking it back when you respond. Some definitely do this, and that is not acceptable. But we'll say that he's an insecure ENFJ desperate for validation. Normally that would equate to loser, but because of his charms, general social graces with the opposite gender, and push-pulling, he gets away with it.

    This thread reads like the INFPs are completely dependent on the ENFJ deciding to stop needing that validation and ceasing his behavior. It's victim-hood. Good luck with that.

    When you take responsibility for your emotions, you realize that you have the ability to DO something about it. On one end, you can stop all communication with the ENFJ. Less drastically, you tell the ENFJ exactly what it is they are doing to trigger your misconceptions, and clearly tell them that if they wish to remain your friend, they must stop. And if they don’t stop, then you now know their validation seeking is more important to them than your friendship.

  7. #87
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Socionics
    ENFj
    Posts
    2,900

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TheEmeraldCanopy View Post
    Why do you think INFPs as a collective do this? (based on your opinion and the opinions/ wisdom of the "older" INFPs around you?)

    I have an xNFJ friend that also tells me I need to sort of be broken as you say (although she says this in different wording), that I need lots of life experience.

    Specifically, where is an one supposed to start? What life experiences are considered essential to growth? Or is it just more of the general getting out there and being there sort of thing?
    Well I'm coming across like only INFPs need to grow up or be broken, but that isn't the case. I'd say the other types have to as well, but each type has their own form of breaking. Ex: ENFJs need to be broken in the sense that they cannot save the world or help everyone. It usually takes a lot of burning for us to gain self-preservation and be less free with our help.

    INFPs need to be broken in the way of being Fi-crazed and believing the world and everyone in it is peachy keen. Fi is the self-awareness function, imo. The thing about it, is that it doesn't do what Fe does usually. It doesn't take and understand from external social sources, but it believes in itself 110%. I'd say it's why INFPs are anti-advice and anti-guidelines.
    A young INFP is more likely to feel they know exactly what is best for themselves in regard to everything. They can deny aspects of themselves if another says it and they can reject advice if it is too direct/demanding. You would think this could be okay, but not if they have "puppy dog syndrome". The common trait I've witnessed is INFPs in relationships. They can believe that being selfless, clingy, and beyond idealistic are right for them. This is where a lot of the INFPs I've known have been broken. It's usually because they've needed to be broken in this realm. (This leads into a strange area of extreme self-preservation, which any type or person can get thrown into, but INFPs who can already be anti-input get thrown in hard)

    Then there is "the world is peachy keen, rainbows and bunnies!" I see this most often in the females. Extremely idealistic, but because INFP emotions run high in a lot of directions. My closest infp female friends get upset over korean pop boybands, people who eat meat, and so on. It's not a wonder why they'd detach to think everything is sunshine and white knights. If it doesn't hinder them, then they should keep it up. In most cases, it will hinder.

    Do you relate to either of these, even in a small sense? I've known some pretty extreme-side-of-the-spectrum INFPs so it's why the descriptions are how they are.
    I'd say it is about putting yourself out there. Assess not only yourself, but you & the world around you. Assess the world around you itself. Do you frequently chalk people up as good in a way and let that consume your opinion of them?
    ENFJs can see the potential in people, but we will be trying to fix the negative in the process. INFPs usually see the positive and try to reject the negative.
    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Sounds like something I would say, especially the part where an INFP needs to first be broken to really grow. I would be very interested in hearing more, if you have the time.
    Definitely read above in this post
    If you have any specific questions, do it to it. I can only offer opinion, personal experience, and what I've discussed with others.
    But! You can certainly tell me what of the above resonates (or doesn't) with you or in observing other INFPs.

    ----

    Btw all- I do give a nice, harsh critique of ENFJs too. Myself and my 'kind' aren't out of the line of fire!
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  8. #88
    Glycerine
    Guest

    Default

    Like they say relationships are usually a two way street. Some ENFJs might have a tendency to do that but the other person should take some ownership in how they respond/ react to it. What are YOU doing to help or hinder the relationship? In most cases, the other party has some part in creating the problem. To make things better, you might have to take some ownership of the situation. I absolutely hate the phrase, "I didn't do anything wrong" because usually they have had some part in it.

  9. #89
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    xNFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    1,395

    Default

    ughhh this thread has too much to read and catch up on...

    Whoever took my taking candy from a baby comment seriously, you shouldn't have. I mean I meant it, but I was just joking around.

    Okay the two recent scenarios:

    ENFJ #1 That OA brought up:

    Contacted me randomly for an update on my life and then we e-mailed each other back and forth for a few weeks and it escalated because as I now realize he does come to me when he needs soothing. He responds with incredible force when I provide the soothing to which then I respond back and alas he disappears without so much as a goodbye. He basically says a lot of grand things and then disappears. He doesn't just say 'you get me' he says 'you understand me better than anyone I've ever known'. He doesn't just say 'we should catch up' he says 'come visit me' and makes A, B, and C plans. He offers to help me with my plans and gets really excited to give me practical assistance. But then he is MIA out of nowhere. This happened twice this year, but I suppose I have a haphazardly selective memory. This time I didn't really care, but was still surprised he acted in such a bipolar manner. It's just not normal behavior for a 28 year old man.

    ENFJ #2:

    We dated very briefly a couple years back to which he disappeared on me after a few great dates (he told me later that he "does that sometimes" ???). Anyways, I run into him at a bar to which he goes NUTS on me. Makes all sorts of extravagant plans to take me out and compliments me like he's been in prison and hasn't seen a woman in 10 years. Escorts me home and we kiss and then I NEVER HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN. I gave him the second chance because I figured time may have changed him a little.

    It's just so psychotic. I mean to go from OMG YOU'RE AMAZING BLAH BLAH BLAH to COMPLETE SILENCE AND UNAVAILABILITY is weird. It almost doesn't register it's so bizarre. Like I don't even really acknowledge it's taken place because it's so f-ing weird.

    Anyways, yeah suppose I've finally learned to not trust a single thing these men say and I really didn't want to go that route because I prefer not to be anymore jaded than I am. I really enjoy the connection I have with the ENFJs I know, because I connect with like 2% of people I meet.

    I'm just tired of being responsible for my emotions all the time, and never being soft and never feeling a thing. ENFJs make me feel things that I don't get to feel on even a biyearly basis. It sucks that I have to turn my back on the little emoting I do do now and then, but fine I'll do it. I just don't expect zero change and complete duplicitous behavior from seemingly kind and caring men. I suppose you guys are right and it's my fault for being idealistic.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  10. #90
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    xNFP
    Enneagram
    3w4
    Posts
    1,395

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    When you take responsibility for your emotions, you realize that you have the ability to DO something about it. On one end, you can stop all communication with the ENFJ. Less drastically, you tell the ENFJ exactly what it is they are doing to trigger your misconceptions, and clearly tell them that if they wish to remain your friend, they must stop. And if they don’t stop, then you now know their validation seeking is more important to them than your friendship.
    This thread hijacked by ENFJ defensiveness was worth it just for this one paragraph. Thanks Udog. Probably all I needed to hear. OA's sympathies were pretty sweet too.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

Similar Threads

  1. [ISFJ] When a ISFJ crushes on a close friend? (Trying to figure you ISFJs out!)
    By wolvesss in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 03-06-2016, 04:53 AM
  2. [ENFJ] ENFJs: Which type do you think is your ideal romantic match?
    By Zarathustra in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 12-29-2012, 10:17 PM
  3. [ENFJ] ENFJs - What characteristics do you respect/disrespect in others?
    By Lily flower in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-06-2011, 08:43 PM
  4. [ENFJ] ENFJs that have been hurt
    By Koocoomoo in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 03-09-2010, 12:02 AM
  5. Hello all you out there
    By mkobrien76 in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 04-26-2007, 11:02 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO