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  1. #71
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Am I the only INFP that doesn't like the implied emotional powerlessness that pervades this thread? Perhaps learning how to take responsibility for your own emotions is something that must come from experience.

    I'm not saying you need a death grip control over your all of your emotions (dangerous and ultimately impossible), but you can still take ownership of them.



    You dated these guys, so clearly they WERE attracted to you and liked you. It makes me think the charms they used on you were genuine. The problem seems like after that, you wanted too much, too quickly. Perhaps you were so caught up in how you felt, that you completely failed to give the ENFJ what he needed to feel like you were a "sure thing". There is a surprising practicality underpinning NFJ effusiveness.
    Oh you're good, mister. However, you're an older male INFP. This can contribute to the understanding and mindset a lot.
    When would you say the good understanding set in? I tend to see a running theme when talking to INFPs who've got life experience and time under their belt.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  2. #72
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    Oh you're good, mister. However, you're an older male INFP. This can contribute to the understanding and mindset a lot.
    When would you say the good understanding set in? I tend to see a running theme when talking to INFPs who've got life experience and time under their belt.
    If you don't mind sharing, what's the running theme you've noticed? PM me if you prefer.

    For me, it was after life threw some nasty curve balls at me when I was 28 - stuff I've talked about here before. I was tired (and ANGRY) with feeling like a victim in my own life. That led me to the heartbreaking realization that the only person to blame for my feeling like a victim was me.

    I will agree with the idea that there are people that stack the deck against you. The INFJ that I had feelings for at the time had incentive and did very specific things to keep me emotionally invested, even as she pursued another man. However, the warning signs were all there and, all BS aside, I wanted to be led on more than I wanted to face the ice-cold reality that she wasn't interested.

    She, and people like her, no longer have a place in my life.

  3. #73
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    If you don't mind sharing, what's the running theme you've noticed? PM me if you prefer.

    For me, it was after life threw some nasty curve balls at me when I was 28 - stuff I've talked about here before. I was tired (and ANGRY) with feeling like a victim in my own life. That led me to the heartbreaking realization that the only person to blame for my feeling like a victim was me.

    I will agree with the idea that there are people that stack the deck against you. The INFJ that I had feelings for at the time had incentive and did very specific things to keep me emotionally invested, even as she pursued another man. However, the warning signs were all there and, all BS aside, I wanted to be led on more than I wanted to face the ice-cold reality that she wasn't interested.

    She, and people like her, no longer have a place in my life.
    I'll likely PM beyond this, but I've noticed (and been told by other NFJs/NFPs) that INFPs don't function properly until they are either broken or until they age enough. I have heard the same of ENFPs, but it seems to be more prevalent in the Introverts.
    I've also experienced a good chunk of them... and they kinda put me on "Murder Death Kill" mode .
    I've also said that INFPs just love to sabotage themselves and love to seek out abuse. Older INFPs, specifically the men, tend to recognize and alter this. The women.. I've not known many older ones, but I'd venture a guess that they cling to the fantasy longer.

    When I've compared INFPs and ENFJs, I've made a point that ENFJs will simply allow for the abuse that is already in place, whereas INFPs will seek or create the abuse for themselves.

    NFJs are some of the cruelest creatures, imo. I could say that STJs are, but they are very obvious and expected in that way. NFJs are cruel in the way that we can be so underhanded and reactive. For an INFP that wants abuse.. NFJs are probably the ultimate best source of it.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  4. #74
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Yes, people are responsible for their own emotions but that's a rather careless approach to take when dealing with others, especially considering the fact that most people aren't immune to the influence of others. You can't just act however you want and then point the finger at the other person when they react.
    Yes, people are responsible for their emotions. However, it's a cop out to push people's buttons and then use that line on them.

  5. #75
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    NFJs are some of the cruelest creatures, imo. I could say that STJs are, but they are very obvious and expected in that way. NFJs are cruel in the way that we can be so underhanded and reactive. For an INFP that wants abuse.. NFJs are probably the ultimate best source of it.
    I'm still getting over the hurt from my INFJ ex-girlfriend.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unkindloving View Post
    I've also said that INFPs just love to sabotage themselves and love to seek out abuse. Older INFPs, specifically the men, tend to recognize and alter this. The women.. I've not known many older ones, but I'd venture a guess that they cling to the fantasy longer.

    When I've compared INFPs and ENFJs, I've made a point that ENFJs will simply allow for the abuse that is already in place, whereas INFPs will seek or create the abuse for themselves.
    Is this just applying to relationships? Or do you mean with everything in life, that INFPs "love to sabotage themselves"? You seem to have met and known a lot of INFPs, so could you offer examples of this, in the INFPs you've seen, beyond relationships (if you're implying that this goes beyond relationships and into everything else)?

    You can PM me if that's easier for you. This just really caught my attention, and I'm very curious.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  7. #77
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blown Ghost View Post
    You might want to re-read the first post. The "offender" cycles between charisma, focus on others, support, kindness, and withdrawl out of careful consideration. As far as we know, the "offendee" here complains about everyone rather than everyone complaining about the offender. Let's observe the true colors of the offendee by how he/she chooses to respond to what they consider to be less than optimal social circumstances.
    The "offender" is being identified as ENFJ, and the question is being asked about a tendency in ENFJs to exhibit this behavior (but certainly not ALL of them do). You can do a search for "ENFJs and flirting" and see what comes up. It's a reoccurring topic, because many people notice this trend. This is also why ENFJs get accused of being insincere & manipulative. I'm NOT saying they are, but this is partly why people draw such conclusions.

    Instead of addressing the topic directly, ENFJs usually divert attention away from it, just as what is happening now. Ah, that Fe is a sneaky little bugger...

    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    No it's not.. I can't make you love me.. I can't make anybody love me.
    I am not saying my behavior is not my responsibility. I am saying Your feelings are not my responsibility.
    Having someone tell me to tone it down because they can't control how they feel is an incredibly hard position to be in .. and I think I have explained myself well in this thread and what the difference is.

    I just can't turn the charm on or off. I am just being who I am .
    I do not have a responsibility to alter my personality for anyone. And I control my behavior already, but that is my only responsibility.

    I like you , can you please stop being you so I don't like you anymore, See it hurts that you are you and that is just not fair, unless you like me back.

    Please.. either we are not talking about the same thing.. or something is really wrong here.
    Changing behavior does not mean changing who you are. Of all people, I'd expect a Fe-dom to know that behavior can be & sometimes MUST be adjusted for different situations & different people in order to maintain harmony. Once you are aware that your behavior is often interpreted as flirting, then you can adjust it when interacting with certain individuals, or maybe in situations where it's not appropriate at all. Claiming obliviousness doesn't cut it once it's happened a few times. If it's a reoccurring problem, then you're responsible also.

    We're not talking about just being nice & polite anyway - the OP is talking about this in the context of dating someone. Maybe I have this view because I've read more of the back story in other threads; if it's the same guy, then he's been yanking her around for awhile. He was dating her, but still in love with his ex, blah blah blah. And yes, it's also her responsibility to cut herself free, but that doesn't make his behavior okay.

    You can't "make" someone love you, but you can certainly lead them on. It puts someone in a difficult position if you insist on being "your charming self" with them, so that they may have to cut you off entirely. If you would adjust, then that may not be necessary.

    I'm just tired of hearing people spew greeting card advice in the form of dismissive lines like "take responsibility for your own emotions". Oh really? Thanks - that solves everything! :rolli:

    What are people going to say next, "just be yourself"? What other golden nugget of wisdom will be offered?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #78
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    *applies kittens to Appled's willpower*
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    The "offender" is being identified as ENFJ, and the question is being asked about a tendency in ENFJs to exhibit this behavior (but certainly not ALL of them do). You can do a search for "ENFJs and flirting" and see what comes up. It's a reoccurring topic, because many people notice this trend. This is also why ENFJs get accused of being insincere & manipulative. I'm NOT saying they are, but this is partly why people draw such conclusions.

    Instead of addressing the topic directly, ENFJs usually divert attention away from it, just as what is happening now. Ah, that Fe is a sneaky little bugger...



    Changing behavior does not mean changing who you are. Of all people, I'd expect a Fe-dom to know that behavior can be & sometimes MUST be adjusted for different situations & different people in order to maintain harmony. Once you are aware that your behavior is often interpreted as flirting, then you can adjust it when interacting with certain individuals, or maybe in situations where it's not appropriate at all. Claiming obliviousness doesn't cut it once it's happened a few times. If it's a reoccurring problem, then you're responsible also.

    We're not talking about just being nice & polite anyway - the OP is talking about this in the context of dating someone. Maybe I have this view because I've read more of the back story in other threads; if it's the same guy, then he's been yanking her around for awhile. He was dating her, but still in love with his ex, blah blah blah. And yes, it's also her responsibility to cut herself free, but that doesn't make his behavior okay.

    You can't "make" someone love you, but you can certainly lead them on. It puts someone in a difficult position if you insist on being "your charming self" with them, so that they may have to cut you off entirely. If you would adjust, then that may not be necessary.

    I'm just tired of hearing people spew greeting card advice in the form of dismissive lines like "take responsibility for your own emotions". Oh really? Thanks - that solves everything! :rolli:

    What are people going to say next, "just be yourself"? What other golden nugget of wisdom will be offered?
    You can put your claws away dear
    I am not spewing a cliche at you.
    It is an actual belief of mine.
    I think the key here is intent , or honest oblivion.
    AM I charming? Some people certainly seem to think so. I am not disagreeing with those who think so, but I am not always certain why they think so. I am pretty unaware why.
    Nor do I feel I am very charming, and I am still genuinely touched when someone says I am, in a complimentary way.
    I would say I am pretty oblivious to people reactions to me and have been accused so.
    But even then It's their reaction. not my intent that is the issue.

    Let me present it from a different angle and put the onus on you.
    Maybe you are responsible for disarming me enough that I relax in your presence and I am more able to be myself (which in turn you find charming).
    So can I then say?.. Stop being so understanding and considerate of my feelings that I disarm and feel soothed in your presence. It's manipulative and you need to curb that. especially if you can't handle the results it breeds in making me be myself.

    No.. I say no. I can't possibly impose that onto you..I have to own what is mine.

  10. #80
    Glycerine
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    hahahaha this thread is SO classic. Luckily, I am the worst flirt on the face of the planet.

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