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  1. #141
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    Hmm. Good luck, but I honestly believe his behavior is not indicative of ENFJs, but of douchbags. I could be wrong however.

    When I like someone, I really like that person. I have eyes for no other person. I don't play games and I don't toy with other people's emotions.
    I still have my guard up and don't expect much of this. It's likely that he's pursuing me because I'm a lost cause now (long distance). I'm mainly just looking forward to being wooed all weekend long. I fully plan on sexually frustrating the hell out of him. I think I'll enjoy that part the most.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  2. #142
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    A young ENFJ male.. could very easily get caught up in his own "desirability"
    if he is just discovering for the 1st time how charming he actually is. Testosterone almost guarantees it. What he hasn't yet learned is how to be responsible about it. Like drinking.. He knows it feels good, so he does it.
    It's addictive. Ahh but we all know once you cross the line it's all down hill.. Have one drink too many and that euphoria turns into a nightmare..Plus the hangover can last for days..

    Our friend could just be a young ENFJ male, who has not yet been broken.. But he will be broken.. Someone, someday will beat him at his own game and then he will learn responsibility. He will learn that getting a buzz is not the same as getting pissed drunk and then he will hopefully, drink love responsibly.

    It's possible I speak from experience.
    And when did you mellow out?
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  3. #143
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    And when did you mellow out?
    I didn't really start to understand until my early 30's and have only really started to clue in to things this past year.

    Don't get me wrong. I have never been a "player".. I have not purposely tried to hurt people. I have simply been selfish at times and ignoring of my own empathy. But negligence is still a crime.

    I am only just beginning to realize that, with love comes GREAT responsibility. I am learning that if you are good at something, but irresponsible with it, you are dangerous.

  4. #144
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Thanks for sharing. I think my ENFJ is probably still in a immature stage. It's an interesting combination when someone is openly caring, but also negligent with other's feelings. I think I may discuss this more with him. I have no problem being rather direct and asking those hard questions.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  5. #145
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    Good luck, Thessaly! Hope everything goes well.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  6. #146
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Thanks for sharing. I think my ENFJ is probably still in a immature stage. It's an interesting combination when someone is openly caring, but also negligent with other's feelings. I think I may discuss this more with him. I have no problem being rather direct and asking those hard questions.
    Report back on how he managed to charm/weasel his way out of directly answering you .

    This guy sounds a lot like a couple of ENFJ guys I know. The more insecure they are, the more they surround themselves with a fan club of female friends to flirt with, and yet, none of them seem to be "player" types either. There's this loneliness that seeps through their facade of charm. I honestly think that's it's more like an insecure woman's mind set; they want attention & emotional connections ("friend-zoning" or whatever).
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #147
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    I don't get it OA. Maybe you are right and he is just lonely and insecure. He comes off so damn confident though so it's baffling. And his female fan club just grows. It's ridiculous. There are so many girls who just swoon over him on facebook and I used to interact with him on it, but now I would consider myself pathetic for being a part of that circus.

    He actually used to write an advice column about scoring women...bah...I dunno...I'm like House sometimes. I just want a good puzzle to solve. I think perhaps behind all the theater and smokescreens he may be just a normal guy...a normal guy who has become a little too enamored with strategic manipulation. It will be fun though to call him on all his crap
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  8. #148
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    I don't get it OA. Maybe you are right and he is just lonely and insecure. He comes off so damn confident though so it's baffling. And his female fan club just grows. It's ridiculous. There are so many girls who just swoon over him on facebook and I used to interact with him on it, but now I would consider myself pathetic for being a part of that circus.

    He actually used to write an advice column about scoring women...bah...I dunno...I'm like House sometimes. I just want a good puzzle to solve. I think perhaps behind all the theater and smokescreens he may be just a normal guy...a normal guy who has become a little too enamored with strategic manipulation. It will be fun though to call him on all his crap
    You ever heard the expression.. "Just because I am not alone, it doesn't mean I am not lonely"

    I find often find the more people actually around me, the lonelier I feel.
    having a "fan club" of females just means that the ENFJ relates more to women than he does to men. This makes sense when you consider ENFJ is a very feminine type. ENFJ males are the rarest type of all according to Keiersy.

    I might have a lot of female friends.. But That doesn't mean I have connected with all on the level I need to for it to be something more.
    Every new friend I get that isn't something more.. just reminds me of how lonely I really am. There is just one more person I like who isn't the one.

    More isn't merrier if all you want is one.

    I don't see how any of this adds up to insecure.. just lonely.

  9. #149
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arclight View Post
    You ever heard the expression.. "Just because I am not alone, it doesn't mean I am not lonely"

    I find often find the more people actually around me, the lonelier I feel.
    having a "fan club" of females just means that the ENFJ relates more to women than he does to men. This makes sense when you consider ENFJ is a very feminine type. ENFJ males are the rarest type of all according to Keiersy.

    I might have a lot of female friends.. But That doesn't mean I have connected with all on the level I need to for it to be something more.
    Every new friend I get that isn't something more.. just reminds me of how lonely I really am. There is just one more person I like who isn't the one.

    More isn't merrier if all you want is one.

    I don't see how any of this adds up to insecure.. just lonely.
    I understand the lonely in the middle of a crowd concept....

    However, it also seems a matter of picky-ness or insecurity to me. Maybe I am projecting here. I know that I have rejected potential romantic interests because I can have too high standards (more like feeling-ish stuff than physical criteria), but I don't pursue those who actually interest me because I don't feel good enough for them or I see some other obstacle (probably an excuse to not be vulnerable). Unlike these ENFJ guys though, I don't find myself surrounded by admirers.

    I wonder how these ENFJ men can be surrounded by a ton of pretty, smart, funny, cool, single women and not find ONE good enough. Is it that some are "too good" & you're scared to go for what you really want? Or are your standards just that ridiculously high? When I hear them complain about being single, I want to scream, "open your eyes!!!".
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I understand the lonely in the middle of a crowd concept....

    However, it also seems a matter of picky-ness or insecurity to me. Maybe I am projecting here. I know that I have rejected potential romantic interests because I can have too high standards (more like feeling-ish stuff than physical criteria), but I don't pursue those who actually interest me because I don't feel good enough for them or I see some other obstacle (probably an excuse to not be vulnerable). Unlike these ENFJ guys though, I don't find myself surrounded by admirers.

    I wonder how these ENFJ men can be surrounded by a ton of pretty, smart, funny, cool, single women and not find ONE good enough. Is it that some are "too good" & you're scared to go for what you really want? Or are your standards just that ridiculously high? When I hear them complain about being single, I want to scream, "open your eyes!!!".
    Most of them are "good" enough.. I made that mistake when I married my ex wife.
    I ended saying she is a an awesome girl.. just not my girl at the end.

    You might have a point with the maybe "they are too good for me" fear as well. I have hard time dealing with life when things are going well.
    Love requires a lot of responsibility and If I am just beginning to realize that now.. then how irresponsible have I been my whole life?? and how much of is based off having a low self esteem? and how much of that low self esteem is the result of not being responsible??

    Does behavior influence self esteem, or does self esteem influence behavior?

    I.E. Does man beat his wife because he has a low self esteem, or does a man have a low self esteem because he beats his wife? Is it circular and self perpetuating? What came 1st?

    Befuddling to say the least.

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