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  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    Teenagers generally don't approach relationships with tender loving care.
    That comment was actually in reference to my more recent relationships.
    I take much responsibility for them ending, and my partners also blame me.
    So when do they take some responsibility?

    For example, my ex wife would harp on and on about being honest and how important it was.. yet she hid something from me for weeks, something so very important to the point of life and death..literally! Then expected me to just accept her reasons. Her lies were always justified.
    Yet I was the devil and my motivations were always inpure if I fibbed about my mood.

  2. #122
    Senior Member nynesneg's Avatar
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    Arclight... I completely relate to much of what you said. Thank you for sticking up for your honest perspective buddy.

    Is it so wrong to be naturally charismatic?

    That doesn't make us better than anyone else... everyone is good at something, wether it's focusing on completing one particular project, or organizing a party. And I will add, just cause supposedly "everybody likes you", doesn't mean people show up to your parties or are dependable when you need them.

    I live my life in the best 'real' way I know how, and while I am outgoing in public settings, I tend to withdraw from those who are friendly back outside of those settings - as to not give them the wrong message. Or I just explain to them outright that this is how I am - to not take it personally. This was particularly brought out in my latin dancing class this summer, as I am a very expressive person. Love salsa.

    On the flip side, while I may get positive feedback from people (although I assume everyone gets this)... inwardly I blunder to bridge the gap between my feelings and highly categorized inner world, when drawn in intimate relations. Externally touchy feely (Fe), yet internal extremely organized and analyze the hell out of things (Ti+Ni), so sometimes I struggle to listen to my own personal true feelings and act on them.
    3w2


    Those who are content being normal lack the depth and passion to rise above mediocracy.
    To push beyond their natural abilities and create a reality from their dreams.

  3. #123
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    Give up on them.
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  4. #124
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    ENFJs make me tired all over!
    Me too. Can you make homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning turned into cinnamon rolls and eggs and bacon and fruit salad. I'm ready for a nap.

    Fortunately ENFJ's are excellent dish washers/kitchen cleaners.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #125
    Senior Member toast's Avatar
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    Though I think this whole thread reads as way to defensive against the OP, I'm just gonna say I think the original point to all this was that ENFJs avoid the confrontation of having to 'put straight' the nature of the affection the other person senses in the ENFJs expulsive emoting (which others seem to think is always intentional charming/flirting). I completely agree with that whole scenario being a pattern with ENFJs and I think there's a very good reason for it... I have never ever had that kind of 'talk' and felt it was successful.

    ENFJ = too intense more often than not in confrontation. I don't know why everyone thinks ENFJs just avoid confrontation because we all like to "get along" - it's much more complicated than that with me. Either I'm too gentle about my approach and I come off sounding uncertain of my feelings when I'm just trying to let someone down 'easy', OR I completely piss them off / hurt them by some magical formula of words and nonverbal cues that makes me look like a soulless ice queen. That's not even going into the emotional roller coaster that an ENFJ can express (adoration to apathy in a second) depending on the health or maturity of the ENFJ. That's pretty much one of the biggest issues of control we have - I know I don't like realizing I've done it, and I usually don't intend to.

    I agree with OrangeApplied.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I disagree with the way the thread reads - it's clearly venting & looking for some outside perspective. To call someone out & hold them accountable for their actions is not "victim-hood" anyway. It's quite the opposite - it's the first step to "empowerment".
    ____________________________________________
    "In my soul rages a battle without victor. Between faith without proof and reason without charm." - Sully Prudhomme

  6. #126
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    So the ENFJ contacted me again the other day. He did his usually prying/trying to help gig to which I was very short and withdrawn in my replies. Despite that we talked for awhile until I cut him off. He seemed rather grateful to talk with me...whatever.

    I overheard him later telling someone that he loves flirting and it is like a drug to him and even when in a relationship he has to flirt with women. I was a little surprised by that...I don't know why though. He always has a collection of women on supply to swoon over him on command. Makes me think perhaps I've been one of them. Our conversations don't qualify as flirting in my mind though. They're rather serious and therapeutic. This gives me some closure though. Having certain ideals about people being squashed does that.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  7. #127
    Senior Member ExAstrisSpes's Avatar
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    I am nice to everyone when I first meet them; I guess some people construe that as flirting. But watching men swoon over me for no reason does nothing for me. It's kind of disturbing actually and makes me want to run the other way.

    Just one fellow's undying devotion for me, please. Preferably if I get to choose and he chooses me back.

  8. #128
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thessaly View Post
    So the ENFJ contacted me again the other day. He did his usually prying/trying to help gig to which I was very short and withdrawn in my replies. Despite that we talked for awhile until I cut him off. He seemed rather grateful to talk with me...whatever.

    I overheard him later telling someone that he loves flirting and it is like a drug to him and even when in a relationship he has to flirt with women. I was a little surprised by that...I don't know why though. He always has a collection of women on supply to swoon over him on command. Makes me think perhaps I've been one of them. Our conversations don't qualify as flirting in my mind though. They're rather serious and therapeutic. This gives me some closure though. Having certain ideals about people being squashed does that.
    What an A$$hole! He gives ENFJ's a bad name...but then again he might just be a man-whore?
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  9. #129
    Senior Member Sparrow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ExAstrisSpes View Post
    I am nice to everyone when I first meet them; I guess some people construe that as flirting.
    Me two, I hate when other peeps get the wrong idea- especially my boyfriend, IM NOT FLIRTING!!! :steam:
    Fe | Ni | Se | Ti ... 3w4 ... Lawful Neutral ... Johari -Nohari

  10. #130
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
    What an A$$hole! He gives ENFJ's a bad name...but then again he might just be a man-whore?

    Not even. He's rather selective. Very much a bachelor type. Never really committing, but not apparently sleeping around either. Perhaps flirting is his way of getting female attention without having to seriously pursue it. He doesn't make sense.

    Perhaps that is what draws me to him; his contradictions. Nothing turns me off more than the obvious. Then again eternal enigmas are $#@%ing annoying as hell.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

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