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[NF] Following the crowd, or leading it? -not an NF thing?-

chippinchunk

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
112
MBTI Type
INFJ
In my small group of friends, I have been said to be the leader. At least, this is what my INTP friend told me. And because of this I had some strange realization, that i'm always the one to be leading not only my friends but everything. (i.e. where my family goes, what we're going to eat, what we should do...etc.) I'm always the one making the decision, like everyone else is indecisive.(Wait is that even leading???) It only seems right for me to step into that type of spot since everyone else doesnt care, or doesnt know what to do.

And then when it comes to following the crowd, I completely turn away. It's like I dont care. If someones playing "follow the leader" I back away, or just dont care to participate. It's not like I have a problem with team work, I actually cant even do that - my I takes the best of me- but otherwise, I help and do what I can, but I notice when I'm not the person leading it, my interest is kind of just drifting.

This also surprised me because im such a easy-going, dont-really-care, whatever type of person. I dont mind following, it just ---Ok, it really sucks. but I can deal with it...

Do you tend to lead the crowd or are you just a drifter, kind of going with the flow?
 

heart

heart on fire
Joined
May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I don't want to lead, follow or drift. I want to go where I am moved to go when I am moved to. I want to be self directed as much as possible.
 

Priam

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
272
MBTI Type
INTP
I think that might have more to do with the J/P dynamic, rather than N or F. The drive to impose some form of order can be what makes someone step into a leadership role vs. letting the issue drift in some free-form state.
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
It depends on the group and the people in there. If there is no strong willed leader in the group, I don't mind leading. My leading involves always democracy. If I follow I follow if I see any sense in the whole thing. If there is no sense or idea I can refuse to follow. So I alter my behavior according to situation in hand and how I see it.
 

Atomic Fiend

New member
Joined
Nov 16, 2007
Messages
7,275
I try to go my own way, if people follow then whatever, but I rarely end up following someone else.
 

SolitaryPenguin

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
824
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w1
I tend to follow if there is already a preset hierarchy to the specific group, and if there is movement towards the goal. I tend to get quickly annoyed with stagnation, to the point that I will step up and lead if we're just sitting around gathering dust. I guess I tend to not make waves unless the boat isn't moving.
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I seem okay in both roles, but people seem to put me up as a leader a lot. It's like they trust me. If I feel that someone's asking to do something I don't believe in, I'll resist, but otherwise I'll probably go along with them. I find group work stressful, but I can do it if I need to.

But honestly, I don't usually participate with crowds often. I do most things alone...
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
Messages
34,397
MBTI Type
yupp
I don't really follow blindly actually my choice is to do my own thing but if it's in a group setting I'll do the job I'm given, I just don't like telling people what to do, though I am good at arranging schedules just don't expect me to follow them. So really when it comes to scheduling I should arrange the schedule and someone else should put it into action.

in a more casual setting I'm a drifter, my mom even commented on when I was a baby how I was content about everything and just went with the flow. People have always been scared that I could be walked on because of my laid back nature, even my grandma voiced her concern when I was about 7. People sometimes think its to avoid conflict but if it really bothers me I will say something, otherwise it doesn't really matter to me.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I tend to be the brains behind the throne... kind of strange...
 

GZA

Resident Snot-Nose
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
1,771
MBTI Type
infp
I often take leadership roles. Is it because of NF or J, or P, or even I or E? I don't think so. I'm INFP, which generally doesn't strike me as a natural leader kind of personality. I don't like being told to take leadership roles, but sometimes I naturally fall into them. I guess sometimes there is something where i have an idea of what i want, a vision even, or a creative instict and I just NEED to make it happen, so I start directing people to do their part. I've had people tell me they'd never want to play with me as a musician because I would be too controlling, which is absolutely true :laugh: and its happened.

I like to encourage people to use their own ideas and I like to encourage their skills and talent and efforts. I like to exncourage people to do things in a way that feels natural to them, but at the same time, I sometimes make precise directions if i have an exact idea, and I apologize for it :D

I don't think leadership is always related to type. I mean, yah, some types will naturally take leadership roles based on their type (ENTJ for example), but I see no reason why other types can't also lead in the propor given situation. A lot of leadership comes from charisma and confidence and how you treat people, and any type can have the right combination of those things.
 

wedekit

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INFJ
Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
"Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

My Personal Experience:

As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.

I always end up being the leader in some form or fashion. I'm very reliable and easy going and I don't mind being the "servant leader", but most of the time people always end up taking me for granted. My senior year of high school I was the Vice President of NHS, but I ended up doing all the President's work too. She was praised by the Principal for all the hard work she did at our awards banquet... while I was the one that did it. My only problem with being a leader is that EVERY SINGLE TIME I NEVER GET ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THE WORK I DO WHILE OTHERS ALWAYS DO. Even for the tiniest efforts!

For example, in the Residence Hall at the University I go to I am a Sophomore Adviser (a step below Resident Assistants). I work the office during the week and one of the RAs regularly didn't have our Newsletter ready the day it was due. Who ended up doing it? ME. I took his messy newsletters (that represented Microsoft Publisher at its worst) and turned it into a very professional and smooth-looking product. I did this at least four or five times. No one ever thanked me. An RA at the beginning of this semester had to do the Newsletter (because the other RA forgot yet again) and she got so many kudos at our Staff Meeting for something that looked worse than the other RAs newsletters! (Which I didn't think was possible.) Mainly they were complimenting how quickly she adapted and completed it within 5 hours. I've had to do it in less than 2 hours before. Did I ever get Kudos? NEVER.

Another example would be how the Director gave another RA kudos for adding a glitter "swirl" at the bottom of our Banquet invitations (a fifth grader could have done it). However, I failed to get kudos for picking up the card stock used for the background, typing and printing the actual invitation, cutting the invitation out with the scissors that cut in patterns (which was a bitch because I am left handed), cutting the card stock into even blocks, and then gluing it all together. She added a tacky swirl and they acted like she was some kind of saint.

Yeah, so this definitely turned into a rant, but my experience has always been like this when it comes to leadership positions. After a while I always inevitably give up and stop giving my all to the position. Those who barely do anything get the praise for doing something and those who have done something all along are ignored. Sometimes I think I should just become a permanent flake.

If someone actually read all of this... then :woot:.
 

vince

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2007
Messages
320
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w
Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
"Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

My Personal Experience:

As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.

I do identify with that. Sometimes I'm quiet & reserved in a group, sometimes I take command, but either way, people always seem to place importance to what I think or feel. Considering I care a lot for others & considering my thoughtfulness I really think they should too...hah!
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
If somebody wants to lead and I feel they're competent... I'll go with the flow. If I feel that they're incompetent, I start off with hints with areas I think might be problematic. If they do not respond to that, I might either leave or attempt to take over depending on the necessity/importance of the task.

If nobody will take the lead, I'll lead only if the whole group accepts that decision. But for the most part, unless there's a need for being in a group, I just drift.
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
When in the company of a single person, I tend to actively play a more passive role in which I put more of an emphasis on that person's needs and goals, than I do on my own.

When in a smaller group of people, consisting anywhere from 3 to 10 individuals, I tend to take on the leadership role, or that of mediator.

When in larger groups, I'll usually follow, but have no problems dissenting when I see fit.
 

chippinchunk

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
112
MBTI Type
INFJ
Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
"Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

My Personal Experience:

As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.

I always end up being the leader in some form or fashion. I'm very reliable and easy going and I don't mind being the "servant leader", but most of the time people always end up taking me for granted. My senior year of high school I was the Vice President of NHS, but I ended up doing all the President's work too. She was praised by the Principal for all the hard work she did at our awards banquet... while I was the one that did it. My only problem with being a leader is that EVERY SINGLE TIME I NEVER GET ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THE WORK I DO WHILE OTHERS ALWAYS DO. Even for the tiniest efforts!

For example, in the Residence Hall at the University I go to I am a Sophomore Adviser (a step below Resident Assistants). I work the office during the week and one of the RAs regularly didn't have our Newsletter ready the day it was due. Who ended up doing it? ME. I took his messy newsletters (that represented Microsoft Publisher at its worst) and turned it into a very professional and smooth-looking product. I did this at least four or five times. No one ever thanked me. An RA at the beginning of this semester had to do the Newsletter (because the other RA forgot yet again) and she got so many kudos at our Staff Meeting for something that looked worse than the other RAs newsletters! (Which I didn't think was possible.) Mainly they were complimenting how quickly she adapted and completed it within 5 hours. I've had to do it in less than 2 hours before. Did I ever get Kudos? NEVER.

Another example would be how the Director gave another RA kudos for adding a glitter "swirl" at the bottom of our Banquet invitations (a fifth grader could have done it). However, I failed to get kudos for picking up the card stock used for the background, typing and printing the actual invitation, cutting the invitation out with the scissors that cut in patterns (which was a bitch because I am left handed), cutting the card stock into even blocks, and then gluing it all together. She added a tacky swirl and they acted like she was some kind of saint.

Yeah, so this definitely turned into a rant, but my experience has always been like this when it comes to leadership positions. After a while I always inevitably give up and stop giving my all to the position. Those who barely do anything get the praise for doing something and those who have done something all along are ignored. Sometimes I think I should just become a permanent flake.

If someone actually read all of this... then :woot:.

I think, for your rant...this was amazing.

I also get this (The effects of taking upon a project, and holding someone elses weight). And when it comes to acknowledgment, I can't help but say, " That's SO ME!".

When someone does something it only seems right if they get the credit or praise from it.

"Life sucks." Or, "Life isn't fair." This is what my mother says to me when I'm in this type of situation. And...because of this I have to suck it up and move on. YET I DONT, I deny it completely and get what I want, what I deserve.
 

wedekit

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
694
MBTI Type
INFJ
My mom also always tells me "Life isn't fair" when I bring it up with her. I had a teacher the constantly told us "Life isn't fair, and then you die", lol. I know that I am a perfectly capable leader. But because I am always ready for these kinds of responsibilities and to give my all, it seems like those who don't usually contribute receive the praise. It seems like I might have to go through some kind of martyrdom for people to acknowledge my efforts. I never volunteer for leadership, I always end up getting stuck with it.

It reminds me of the "Outstanding Student" award each teacher used to give in elementary school. The actual purpose of the award was to honor a student that had shown extraordinary achievement. However, what it turned into was the student who had improved the most (ie going from an F to a C+) was the one that always got it. I know, I know, I know... What the teachers did was a very beautiful thing for those students by positively reinforcing their efforts. I'm 100% happy for those who have a harder time in school than others and work really hard to improve, and at this point in my life I'm sure they appreciated it more than I would have. But still, what about the students that were not challenged at all by the class and breezed right through it? What did we get? Nothing.

Even now, those who hardly do anything receive the praise I wish I would get for a change. And if I bring it up with the person awarding the praise, I would feel very... conceited or something.
 

chippinchunk

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
112
MBTI Type
INFJ
Even now, those who hardly do anything receive the praise I wish I would get for a change. And if I bring it up with the person awarding the praise, I would feel very... conceited or something.

Lol, I was just thinking about that. Actually, your first response to this brought me to this flashback. It was in my 8th grade social studies (so Ive been screwed like this for a long time) and I was partnered up with this guy that was so hung up on his girlfriend to even think about the assignment. I was so pissed that I, once again, had to finish up something that was supposed to be a "team effort". Later when we had to present the paper, everybody had split what had to be said into two, one part for each partner. (does that make sense?) But I decided, hell no and ended up presenting the whole paper by myself as my partner stood next to me confused. Later everyone thought I was a total bitch. :rolli:
 

unsung truth

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2008
Messages
46
In terms of leadership, I do usually find myself as the silent leader or the unanimously elected leader in group projects. I like it when it's a subtle affirmation of my skill, but I despise it when it's because of laziness on someone else's part.

and Wedekit, my tip to you is to not be overwhelmed by lack of open affirmation, you don't need it because as you have just mentioned, you are competent/talented in what you do. Other people need praise because otherwise they would have nothing. There are many unsung heroes who do not allow themselves to be bought in by pride and decide to live in silent humility, and I think that in of itself gives a higher sense of achievement.

(but its always nice to be honestly praised once in a while :) )
 

Athenian200

Protocol Droid
Joined
Jul 1, 2007
Messages
8,828
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
and Wedekit, my tip to you is to not be overwhelmed by lack of open affirmation, you don't need it because as you have just mentioned, you are competent/talented in what you do. Other people need praise because otherwise they would have nothing. There are many unsung heroes who do not allow themselves to be bought in by pride and decide to live in silent humility, and I think that in of itself gives a higher sense of achievement.

(but its always nice to be honestly praised once in a while :) )

It may be more noble, but it sure can hurt not to be praised. Some people really need a bit of positive expression to make them cared for, you know? Not everyone can find it internally or in some ideal... I can't, anyway.
 
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