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  1. #11
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
    "Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

    My Personal Experience:

    As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.

    I always end up being the leader in some form or fashion. I'm very reliable and easy going and I don't mind being the "servant leader", but most of the time people always end up taking me for granted. My senior year of high school I was the Vice President of NHS, but I ended up doing all the President's work too. She was praised by the Principal for all the hard work she did at our awards banquet... while I was the one that did it. My only problem with being a leader is that EVERY SINGLE TIME I NEVER GET ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THE WORK I DO WHILE OTHERS ALWAYS DO. Even for the tiniest efforts!

    For example, in the Residence Hall at the University I go to I am a Sophomore Adviser (a step below Resident Assistants). I work the office during the week and one of the RAs regularly didn't have our Newsletter ready the day it was due. Who ended up doing it? ME. I took his messy newsletters (that represented Microsoft Publisher at its worst) and turned it into a very professional and smooth-looking product. I did this at least four or five times. No one ever thanked me. An RA at the beginning of this semester had to do the Newsletter (because the other RA forgot yet again) and she got so many kudos at our Staff Meeting for something that looked worse than the other RAs newsletters! (Which I didn't think was possible.) Mainly they were complimenting how quickly she adapted and completed it within 5 hours. I've had to do it in less than 2 hours before. Did I ever get Kudos? NEVER.

    Another example would be how the Director gave another RA kudos for adding a glitter "swirl" at the bottom of our Banquet invitations (a fifth grader could have done it). However, I failed to get kudos for picking up the card stock used for the background, typing and printing the actual invitation, cutting the invitation out with the scissors that cut in patterns (which was a bitch because I am left handed), cutting the card stock into even blocks, and then gluing it all together. She added a tacky swirl and they acted like she was some kind of saint.

    Yeah, so this definitely turned into a rant, but my experience has always been like this when it comes to leadership positions. After a while I always inevitably give up and stop giving my all to the position. Those who barely do anything get the praise for doing something and those who have done something all along are ignored. Sometimes I think I should just become a permanent flake.

    If someone actually read all of this... then .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  2. #12
    Senior Member vince's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
    "Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

    My Personal Experience:

    As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.
    I do identify with that. Sometimes I'm quiet & reserved in a group, sometimes I take command, but either way, people always seem to place importance to what I think or feel. Considering I care a lot for others & considering my thoughtfulness I really think they should too...hah!

  3. #13
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    If somebody wants to lead and I feel they're competent... I'll go with the flow. If I feel that they're incompetent, I start off with hints with areas I think might be problematic. If they do not respond to that, I might either leave or attempt to take over depending on the necessity/importance of the task.

    If nobody will take the lead, I'll lead only if the whole group accepts that decision. But for the most part, unless there's a need for being in a group, I just drift.

  4. #14
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    When in the company of a single person, I tend to actively play a more passive role in which I put more of an emphasis on that person's needs and goals, than I do on my own.

    When in a smaller group of people, consisting anywhere from 3 to 10 individuals, I tend to take on the leadership role, or that of mediator.

    When in larger groups, I'll usually follow, but have no problems dissenting when I see fit.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I tend to be the brains behind the throne... kind of strange...
    Actually not strange at all. According to Linda Berins, the natural interaction style for INFP is what she calls "Behind the Scenes".

  6. #16
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Here's my two cents from an INFJ perspective:
    "Because INFJs use Fe to relate to the outer world, they may seem more outgoing than they really are. Their personal approach and ability to find common ground with others combines with their intuitive need for innovation and alternative views, and they frequently find themselves in positions of authority. They may not seek leadership, but they are often elected by others to serve on boards and committees. People appreciate their ability to listen and to consider group feelings and values." - (Personality Type: A User's Manual)

    My Personal Experience:

    As far as leadership in the crowds? My friends probably do consider me the leader of our little circle, but I emit this silently through integrity, responsibility, and reliability. My friends have never called me in need of help and not received it.

    I always end up being the leader in some form or fashion. I'm very reliable and easy going and I don't mind being the "servant leader", but most of the time people always end up taking me for granted. My senior year of high school I was the Vice President of NHS, but I ended up doing all the President's work too. She was praised by the Principal for all the hard work she did at our awards banquet... while I was the one that did it. My only problem with being a leader is that EVERY SINGLE TIME I NEVER GET ACKNOWLEDGED FOR THE WORK I DO WHILE OTHERS ALWAYS DO. Even for the tiniest efforts!

    For example, in the Residence Hall at the University I go to I am a Sophomore Adviser (a step below Resident Assistants). I work the office during the week and one of the RAs regularly didn't have our Newsletter ready the day it was due. Who ended up doing it? ME. I took his messy newsletters (that represented Microsoft Publisher at its worst) and turned it into a very professional and smooth-looking product. I did this at least four or five times. No one ever thanked me. An RA at the beginning of this semester had to do the Newsletter (because the other RA forgot yet again) and she got so many kudos at our Staff Meeting for something that looked worse than the other RAs newsletters! (Which I didn't think was possible.) Mainly they were complimenting how quickly she adapted and completed it within 5 hours. I've had to do it in less than 2 hours before. Did I ever get Kudos? NEVER.

    Another example would be how the Director gave another RA kudos for adding a glitter "swirl" at the bottom of our Banquet invitations (a fifth grader could have done it). However, I failed to get kudos for picking up the card stock used for the background, typing and printing the actual invitation, cutting the invitation out with the scissors that cut in patterns (which was a bitch because I am left handed), cutting the card stock into even blocks, and then gluing it all together. She added a tacky swirl and they acted like she was some kind of saint.

    Yeah, so this definitely turned into a rant, but my experience has always been like this when it comes to leadership positions. After a while I always inevitably give up and stop giving my all to the position. Those who barely do anything get the praise for doing something and those who have done something all along are ignored. Sometimes I think I should just become a permanent flake.

    If someone actually read all of this... then .
    I think, for your rant...this was amazing.

    I also get this (The effects of taking upon a project, and holding someone elses weight). And when it comes to acknowledgment, I can't help but say, " That's SO ME!".

    When someone does something it only seems right if they get the credit or praise from it.

    "Life sucks." Or, "Life isn't fair." This is what my mother says to me when I'm in this type of situation. And...because of this I have to suck it up and move on. YET I DONT, I deny it completely and get what I want, what I deserve.

  7. #17
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    My mom also always tells me "Life isn't fair" when I bring it up with her. I had a teacher the constantly told us "Life isn't fair, and then you die", lol. I know that I am a perfectly capable leader. But because I am always ready for these kinds of responsibilities and to give my all, it seems like those who don't usually contribute receive the praise. It seems like I might have to go through some kind of martyrdom for people to acknowledge my efforts. I never volunteer for leadership, I always end up getting stuck with it.

    It reminds me of the "Outstanding Student" award each teacher used to give in elementary school. The actual purpose of the award was to honor a student that had shown extraordinary achievement. However, what it turned into was the student who had improved the most (ie going from an F to a C+) was the one that always got it. I know, I know, I know... What the teachers did was a very beautiful thing for those students by positively reinforcing their efforts. I'm 100% happy for those who have a harder time in school than others and work really hard to improve, and at this point in my life I'm sure they appreciated it more than I would have. But still, what about the students that were not challenged at all by the class and breezed right through it? What did we get? Nothing.

    Even now, those who hardly do anything receive the praise I wish I would get for a change. And if I bring it up with the person awarding the praise, I would feel very... conceited or something.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  8. #18
    Senior Member chippinchunk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    Even now, those who hardly do anything receive the praise I wish I would get for a change. And if I bring it up with the person awarding the praise, I would feel very... conceited or something.
    Lol, I was just thinking about that. Actually, your first response to this brought me to this flashback. It was in my 8th grade social studies (so Ive been screwed like this for a long time) and I was partnered up with this guy that was so hung up on his girlfriend to even think about the assignment. I was so pissed that I, once again, had to finish up something that was supposed to be a "team effort". Later when we had to present the paper, everybody had split what had to be said into two, one part for each partner. (does that make sense?) But I decided, hell no and ended up presenting the whole paper by myself as my partner stood next to me confused. Later everyone thought I was a total bitch. :rolli:

  9. #19

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    In terms of leadership, I do usually find myself as the silent leader or the unanimously elected leader in group projects. I like it when it's a subtle affirmation of my skill, but I despise it when it's because of laziness on someone else's part.

    and Wedekit, my tip to you is to not be overwhelmed by lack of open affirmation, you don't need it because as you have just mentioned, you are competent/talented in what you do. Other people need praise because otherwise they would have nothing. There are many unsung heroes who do not allow themselves to be bought in by pride and decide to live in silent humility, and I think that in of itself gives a higher sense of achievement.

    (but its always nice to be honestly praised once in a while )
    INFJ, 2w1

    "I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers. " - Khalil Gibran

  10. #20
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by unsung truth View Post
    and Wedekit, my tip to you is to not be overwhelmed by lack of open affirmation, you don't need it because as you have just mentioned, you are competent/talented in what you do. Other people need praise because otherwise they would have nothing. There are many unsung heroes who do not allow themselves to be bought in by pride and decide to live in silent humility, and I think that in of itself gives a higher sense of achievement.

    (but its always nice to be honestly praised once in a while )
    It may be more noble, but it sure can hurt not to be praised. Some people really need a bit of positive expression to make them cared for, you know? Not everyone can find it internally or in some ideal... I can't, anyway.

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