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  1. #1
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    Default ENFP + ENTP = Disaster

    So I recently had a major blow out with an ENFP that I went to visit. It's a long story, and I'll tell it if you like, but I would be appreciative of any general insight into where he was coming from.
    Basically, we'd dated before. He moved and we stopped talking for a while. We got back in contact and he asked me to visit. I went. We made it through 2 nights and a day. The short version is that we ended up hooking up the first night. We hung out the next day and everything seemed fine. He was showing me around and making plans for the rest of my stay. Then that night the girl he was casually seeing ended up in the group of us that went out. I was really uncomfortable and felt like he should've been making it better. Instead he was kind of letting her crawl all over him. I can mask my feelings pretty well, but after a couple of drinks all bets are off. I was tearful and should've gone home but I didn't think it was fair that I should be the one sitting alone all night, so I stayed. His friends kind of figured out what was up, and I actually talked for a while to his (platonic) girl friend about the situation. She told me he's just not that nice to girls.
    I got over it by the end of the night. He got more furious as the night went on, I'm guessing it was because his friends were all paying a lot more attention to me than they were to him. The next day he told me to leave. He also started spouting all this stuff about how horrible I am, how manipulative I am, how he never had feelings for me in the first place and he'd never wanted me to come. I made him uncomfortable. I made everyone miserable, blah blah blah. Later he apologized and told me he felt backed into a corner, but there's really no taking stuff like that back. He also said that I'd made him more anxious than anyone he'd ever met. I tried to converse with him rationally ie. not yelling, reminding him that he'd invited me and I gave him several opportunities to change his mind, but it almost seemed to make the situation worse. What the hell? Should I take all that stuff he said seriously? I'm pretty good at picking up vibes from others, and I really didn't sense anything was amiss prior to the drama that night. It just all doesn't seem to add up. And I am aware of the fact that he could just be a douchebag. Any thoughts?
    Last edited by alh528; 09-14-2010 at 08:46 AM.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    sounds like a complete ass...save yourself the emotional energy and just walk away.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    That's not being ENFP. That's being a douchebag.

  4. #4
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    Oh, I totally left and havent spoken to him again. I just have this need to rationally explain a situation so I can process it is all. It kills me that the only real answer I think I'm gonna get is he's just not a nice person.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah..that's totally understandable. i would be trying to make sense of it too but yeah...what it boils down to is that whatever his reasons...they're not good enough.

    perhaps it's as simple as him not wanting to screw up what to him was a more viable option...this other girl who he's been seeing...and you are just visiting...that could go somewhere and maybe he knew you two wouldn't...so he just said fuck it...i'll be an ass...because i'm selfish like that.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
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    Kinda what I figured. What pisses me off the most is that he knew I wouldnt have slept with him had I known about her and we had called it a friend visit anyway. All he had to do was be honest about the girl and not have crossed the line with me and the trip would've been drama free.
    Last edited by alh528; 09-14-2010 at 08:43 AM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    People suck sometimes.
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  8. #8
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tortoise View Post
    That's not being ENFP. That's being a douchebag.
    pretty much.

    the only thing that i can say is that maybe he was enjoying the attention of having two girls interested in him, and figured that it was kind of justified because you guys hadn't been together explicitly. i dunno if it's an ENFP thing but i always look for loopholes, and that sounds like one. i imagine you're right about paying you more attention than him. he probably felt like they were "siding" with you. and maybe he was somewhat trying to show off to you with the other girl, and it backfired when you became the center of attention - and that was confounding and upsetting to him.

    your best bet with an ENFP is just asking them what was going on in their head. we generally like to explain and theorize about things like that. if he doesn't want to talk about it then you know he's not worth any more of your time.

  9. #9
    Professional Trickster Esoteric Wench's Avatar
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    Seriously, this guy sounds like a douche bag.

    I apologize for my people. Most of us aren't like that.

    As far as what was going in his brain? Well, who knows. Sounds like he was having a three-year-old tantrum to me.

    One thing about ENFPs... If they haven't worked on developing their Te, they can completely lose touch with reality when their Fi gets going. It can be totally overwhelming. And it's inwardly directed so that means it's not picking up outside cues very well.

    But whatever the reason, this does NOT excuse his behavior. I'd just chalk it up to a learning experience and drop his sorry behind like a hot rock.
    ENFP with kick*ss Te | 7w8 so | ♀

  10. #10
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    the only thing that i can say is that maybe he was enjoying the attention of having two girls interested in him, and figured that it was kind of justified because you guys hadn't been together explicitly. i dunno if it's an ENFP thing but i always look for loopholes, and that sounds like one.
    THIS^ especially the bolded part.
    Sounds just like the douchebag ENFP that was in my life too.

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