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  1. #1
    Junior Member Kibou-chan's Avatar
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    Default Do ENFPs Know the Meaning of Personal Space?

    Are all ENFPs complete dunces when it comes to respecting the introvert's "bubble," or are the ones I know particularly dense?

    I think I can express my questions and frustrations best in a narrative format.

    About two weeks ago I met an ENFP guy while hanging out with a group of friends. As is expected when your functions are basically the same, just switched around a bit in order, we got along very well and started to become friends. Although I didn't see him too much after that, just every so often around campus, we talked for a bit whenever we saw each other and got along quite well, finding out we had a lot in common as far as interests and viewpoints on life. We didn't spend very much time together at all, though, just here and there around campus for a few minutes at a time.

    Yesterday, since it was a Friday and my usual group of friends was mostly gone off campus, I decided to hang out with him and few other people that I've been meaning to get to know better, as well as my best friend at school (INFP) that I hadn't seen much of lately. This is where things really got out of hand. I mean, I suspected that he had been flirting with me before, but it got to crazy level of obviousness, especially when we started our Miyazaki "marathon" (by marathon I mean... two movies ).

    HE. WOULD. NOT. STOP. TOUCHING. ME. He sat ridiculously close to me on the couch so our legs were pressed together. He leaned his head on my shoulder. He used my thigh as a pillow and rested his hand on my calf... which was bare because I was wearing shorts. He rested his hand on my knee for far too long a few times. Every time I sang along with the songs (the first movie we watched was Spirited Away, which is both my favorite movie and my one of my favorite albums), he would laugh, "You're so funny!" and try to hug me, which I would try to dodge to no avail. I scooted slightly away from him to both get away and give him a hint, and he merely scooted closer. Meanwhile my INFP best friend, sitting on my other side, had long since picked up on the ENFP's flirtiness and my psychic distress signals (communicated through both emotional vibes and sustained eye contact). He started trying to defend me by indirectly verbally attacking the ENFP, which resulted in a few tense, combative moments between them. It was all so dramatic and terribly uncomfortable. Luckilly I think the ENFP picked up on my prickliness once Princess Mononoke started, because he stopped trying to use me as a pillow and instead sat at a respectful and comfortable distance throughout the whole movie, not even touching me once. Yay.

    The thing that really made me uncomfortable about it was that he didn't even bother to ask if I would be okay with it, which obviously, I wasn't, but since I have no backbone I couldn't say anything other than throwing vicious body language at him. I don't really know who's to blame here: the ENFP for being disrespectful of my space without asking, or me for not being more blunt about my discomfort. I don't have anything against the guy as a person. I like his personality. But it's major turn-off for me when someone assumes that they are now incorporated into my personal space just because we have friendship chemistry, even if we've spent barely any time together. If he had been more physically reserved as a whole, I would have been much more receptive to a few hugs here and there, but because he came on so strong all the time, all I could do was "run away from the bad stranger," so to speak. Plus, I'm not looking to date, so I wish he would have asked me that, as well, instead fawning all over me and expecting me to go with it.

    I can see why, when you look at the functions, he would act this way. As a Fi-possessor, he's privy to the same ideals and romanticisms that I as an INFP am. But since he's Ne-dominant, he would be less reticent about acting it out in real life, whereas the INFP would be much more likely to keep it to themselves and let it work itself out in real time instead of forcing it.

    I guess my big questions are: All all/most ENFPs like this when they're flirting? [I know another ENFP, and pretty much any girl you talk to will say he's made a move on them and it creeped them out, so perhaps it is a consistent trait...? He gave me a random shoulder rub once when I barely knew him, so yeah, I guess so. I thought it was kind of sweet, though, because other than that he never did anything to me.] What are other possible explanations for this behavior? How can I get the ENFP in question to back off and respect my "introvert space" without hurting him, preferably, because I'd like to be friends if possible? What other stories do you have about overly flirtatious ENFPs and what resulted from your experience, or even other types that might act this way?
    Percentage Estimation:

    I-65% N-75% F-65% P-55%

    Functions:

    Fi (50.0) > Ne (48.1) > Ti (32. 8) > Si (29.6) >
    Fe (22.6) > Te (22.6) > Ni (20.6) > Se (13.7)

  2. #2
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    I have serious doubts that he's an ENFP.

    Or at least, that this behavior is in no way particularly representative of ENFPs.

    I think we typically moderate our extraversion to some extent, out of consideration for others.

    I think we're generally VERY sensitive to people's boundaries, and VERY perceptive of their feelings--and therefore, very UNLIKELY to be so aggressive.

    Maybe I'm just speaking for myself.


    I'm looking forward to seeing what other ENFPs think about this.
    __________________


    I'M OUTTA HERE.

    IT'S BEEN FUN.

    TAKE CARE.

    PEACE OUT!!!


  3. #3
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    I'll become very upset if someone invades my personal space, and by way of empathy am typically respectful of others' space. I guess I'm not an ENFP.

    BTW, I *could* see this guy being ENFP...but I could also see him being ESFP or ExFJ, not enough info. Some people are just really touchy feely.

    Next time say "stop fucking touching me." That should make him stop.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Can I Hug you.... REALLYREALLYREALLY tight and not let you go.... well at least for a little while!



    Sure I know what personal space is.... but you're just so cute I just don't want to give you any


    ... couldn't drag me away

    Željko Ražnatovic: argus
    Željko Ražnatovic: do you want heir's?
    WildHorses: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Željko Ražnatovic: to carry your genealogical code??

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ratsimoan's Avatar
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    Not all enfps are flirtatious because I'm not. I'm good at determining if a person want personal space. In fact, I really invade people personal space. Just tell the guy he's invading your personal space, he'll understand if you say it in a kind way. You can only hurt his feeling if you act in a passive aggressive way because you're worried about hurting his feelings. Just tell him to cool out!
    [SIGPIC] [/SIGPIC]

    Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no to-morrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."
    — Sylvia Plath (The Bell Jar)

    "Remember, remember, this is now, and now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted."
    — Sylvia Plath

  6. #6
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quite the opposite. I'm afraid to touch other people because I don't want to intrude in their personal space.

    And as far as whose fault is it....obviously he is stupid...but it's yours too if you don't have any backbone. I can't even imagine someone touching me and me just letting that slip....and it's not because I'm an E...it's a matter of respect!

  7. #7
    Crazy Diamond Billy's Avatar
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    Hmmm, doesn't sound like any of the ENFPs I know. The ENFPs I know will touch you if you let them, but they're pretty clued in on body language and know when not to mess with you. I know I have issues with people touching me, especially my face, I think its apparent in the way I hold myself, I do believe in "the bubble". Most of the ENFPs I know pick up on that and don't violate it... well one did one time, we were also on LSD ahem... and he came on to me and tried to kiss me. That was sure awkward.
    Ground control to Major Tom

  8. #8
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Let me break your post down.

    I was friendly with a guy where we had some laughs while flirting lightly with each other. Then, the flirtation level cranked up by quite a bit which was enjoyable. Then, he started physically flirting and I did nothing to stop him.

  9. #9
    Senior Member ubee0173's Avatar
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    maybe hes just a crazy i, for one, am not touchy-feely at all (it kind of is creepy, like some people are just looking for an excuse to touch you) and can tell if someone is uncomfortable; empathy is supposed to be one of our major traits. i *used to* have a friend who was like that just to see what would happen. she was also an enfp- but she just didnt care about how she affected others- making people feel uncomfortable was a game for her... turns out she meets most of the DSM criteria for PSYCHOPATHY . only person i have ever 'friend dumped'. and yeah, im a flirt like every other enfp, but invading space like that is completley disrespectful- at least thats how i see it
    I will buy you a drink and I'll tell you what I think, and tomorrow, in the morning, I won't be sorry that I didn't sleep.


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  10. #10
    Junior Member Kibou-chan's Avatar
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    Thanks for the input, guys. A lot of you have expressed doubts that he's an ENFP... He's definitely E, definitely N, and definitely F from what I know of him so far. He does give off a little bit of that overconfident ENTJ air (my INFP friend actually guessed that he was an ENTJ), but once you talk to him for a while it becomes apparent that he is feelings-driven. The only thing that remains in doubt is the P or J, and I haven't spent enough time with him to know for sure; however, I know a girl who is a textbook ENFJ, and from what I can tell they're not very alike, so I don't think he's a ENFJ, though my scope is limited on this type. He definitely seems more Fi than Fe to me, though there was one moment that very much surprised me where he correctly predicted what was going to happen next in the movie, which he had never seen before. Either the movie was predictable, he's a Ni-aux, or his shadow Ni was coming out.

    Perhaps he is an ENFP, but was for some reason or other not picking up on my discomfort; either I wasn't expressing it enough (that could definitely be it... I can be pretty lenient and tend to internalize rather than express my feelings when it comes to people putting me through uncomfortable situations) or he wasn't tuning in enough. But my INFP friend, who wasn't even involved, had no problem picking up on what both of us were feeling! Probably because the ENF? was obviously showing his emotions, and as a fellow INFP and close friend he automatically knew what I was feeling. The ENF? may, as Wild horses said, have been so "blinded" by hormones that even though he may have picked up on my feelings, he just chose to ignore them. Actually, though, he did give in after a while... like I said, during the second movie he respected my bubble quite well. I think the whole first movie was just a test to see if he could break in to the bubble (which, of course, is not going to work... the more you push it, the more I pull back), and after he realized I wasn't going to let him in, he finally resigned himself to stop pushing and prodding and poking.
    Percentage Estimation:

    I-65% N-75% F-65% P-55%

    Functions:

    Fi (50.0) > Ne (48.1) > Ti (32. 8) > Si (29.6) >
    Fe (22.6) > Te (22.6) > Ni (20.6) > Se (13.7)

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