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  1. #11
    Junior Member Kibou-chan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Let me break your post down.

    I was friendly with a guy where we had some laughs while flirting lightly with each other. Then, the flirtation level cranked up by quite a bit which was enjoyable. Then, he started physically flirting and I did nothing to stop him.
    Not at all. I never flirted with him and I don't understand where you are getting that from. I only wanted to be friends from the start. What, just because I'm female and he's male, the only interaction we can have with one another is romantically based? Platonic relationships are banned? Also, when the "flirtation level cranked up" on his part it was NOT enjoyable. It was uncomfortable and intrusive. That is the entire point of this post.

    As to the "I did nothing to stop him" accusation, I must admit that you are on the right track. I didn't verbally ask him to stop, which is my fault, though he did mention that I didn't seem to like the hugs, and I told him that I didn't know him well enough to hug him. He ignored that and continued doing it. I also made it pretty clear through body language that I was not enjoying it. I stiffened, aimed my upper body away, slid away from him when possible, and tried in every way possible not to touch him. What part of that constitutes interest?
    Percentage Estimation:

    I-65% N-75% F-65% P-55%

    Functions:

    Fi (50.0) > Ne (48.1) > Ti (32. 8) > Si (29.6) >
    Fe (22.6) > Te (22.6) > Ni (20.6) > Se (13.7)

  2. #12
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kibou-chan View Post
    Not at all. I never flirted with him and I don't understand where you are getting that from. I only wanted to be friends from the start. What, just because I'm female and he's male, the only interaction we can have with one another is romantically based? Platonic relationships are banned?
    Most men don't set out to have a platonic relationship with a woman. So their default is romantic relationship and they interpret everything in that vein.

    "Get off me" works, along with a good poke from the elbow...

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    i don't have any problem with the ENFP label here. we come in a wide variety of flavors...

    anyway, it sounds like you know what the problem is pretty well. he was oblivious and you refused to say anything.

    All all/most ENFPs like this when they're flirting?
    no. touchy-feely probably; oblivious, no.

    What are other possible explanations for this behavior?
    he thinks you're cute and quiet. and you obviously are quiet. you probably wouldn't say anything if you liked it, since you didn't say anything when you didn't like it. so it's kind of a 50-50...

    How can I get the ENFP in question to back off and respect my "introvert space" without hurting him, preferably, because I'd like to be friends if possible?
    words are really useful. write a note if you don't want to say it in person.

  4. #14
    Senior Member tortoise's Avatar
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    Very few men are looking for platonic relationships with women.

  5. #15
    Junior Member Kibou-chan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    he thinks you're cute and quiet. and you obviously are quiet. you probably wouldn't say anything if you liked it, since you didn't say anything when you didn't like it. so it's kind of a 50-50...
    I'm typically not a quiet person unless I'm uncomfortable (which I was), but I can definitely see what you're saying and why he might think I liked it at first because I wasn't protesting. The "ick" body language makes up for that, though.

    I saw him walking around campus today when I was sitting on a bench with my friend. He was looking at his iPod screen and either didn't see me or ignored me. Either way, he walked right past me and didn't even acknowledge my existence there. Straaaaange. I think my next plan of action will be to see if he continues this behavior in the future, because he might have realized that I wasn't digging him and therefore will correct himself. If he does I'll let bygones be bygones and not bring it up, but if he doesn't I will definitely take all the advice that has been given and let him know that I'm not comfortable with that sort of advancement (or any potential romantic relationship).

    As to the assertion that most men aren't interested in platonic relationships with women, I really don't agree with that stereotype. I have plenty of male friends who have never made any sort of move on me whatsoever, and no, they're not all gay or asexual... I have heterosexual male friends as well that have never flirted with me. For example, the INFP friend in the story is a male, and that would never, ever happen romantically. Even though we're great friends, we have never felt anything sexual or romantic for the other. Same thing for many other guys I know.
    Percentage Estimation:

    I-65% N-75% F-65% P-55%

    Functions:

    Fi (50.0) > Ne (48.1) > Ti (32. 8) > Si (29.6) >
    Fe (22.6) > Te (22.6) > Ni (20.6) > Se (13.7)

  6. #16
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kibou-chan View Post
    I'm typically not a quiet person unless I'm uncomfortable (which I was), but I can definitely see what you're saying and why he might think I liked it at first because I wasn't protesting. The "ick" body language makes up for that, though.
    lol well, i meant it a little tongue-in-cheek. as if from his point of view, you know? like if you're not saying anything, then it's just a tossup anyway.

    maybe this is an ENFP thing --> i have a hard time taking things at face value unless a person affirms them with words. if someone's acting weird, i'm not going to assume anything about why they're acting that way - i'd rather hear it from them, themselves. i think it's unfair to make assumptions otherwise, and i feel like since baseline human communication is through words, i trust words more than anything else. given, this guy seems to have a low awareness level in general, but maybe he kind of feels the same way. that you would say something if you felt the need to communicate, you know?

    quite a few people (Ni/Fe especially) on these boards have told me this is a stupid way of looking at things, but i would prefer to assume less than assume more, you know? maybe this guy feels the same way, and in this case, it just happened to work to his advantage.

    in any case, i'm all for just telling him, if he does it again. he seems dense but it doesn't sound like his intentions were bad, just oblivious.

  7. #17
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    In Socionics, difficulty gauging social/emotional space is an ENTP/ESTP thing. Not sure how much stock to put into that though.

    edit: What I mean is, they have "Fi PoLR". Which basically means they don't even know their social position until actually testing it. Socionics is different, but there isn't much mixup between the types when it comes to ENTPs. What Fi PoLR would be in an ENTP is prodding people, sometimes in childish ways, sometimes just coming up with ideas, and regardless of the other person, they need to test what happens (this could apply to flirting tactics). Also, comfortable trolling or offending people, shocking them, pushing social boundaries, etc..

  8. #18
    Senior Member animenagai's Avatar
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    I'm really touchy feely, but god knows I don't do that when I'm flirting. I do that heaps to friends, but that's because we're friends and I know I won't scare you off. I can't speak for all ENFP's but if this was me, it would be my way of having fun around a friend and not my way of flirting.
    Chimera of Filth

    A gruesome beast with dripping flesh
    Clings to me as a sick fixture
    My throbbing heart it gnawed apart
    It stalks and hunts me through mirrors

  9. #19
    Junior Member Kibou-chan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    maybe this is an ENFP thing --> i have a hard time taking things at face value unless a person affirms them with words. if someone's acting weird, i'm not going to assume anything about why they're acting that way - i'd rather hear it from them, themselves. i think it's unfair to make assumptions otherwise, and i feel like since baseline human communication is through words, i trust words more than anything else. given, this guy seems to have a low awareness level in general, but maybe he kind of feels the same way. that you would say something if you felt the need to communicate, you know?

    quite a few people (Ni/Fe especially) on these boards have told me this is a stupid way of looking at things, but i would prefer to assume less than assume more, you know? maybe this guy feels the same way, and in this case, it just happened to work to his advantage.
    That makes a lot of sense when you put it that way. I like how you're not just writing him off as an incurable creeper, because I don't think he is. I like him as a person overall, and other than that he hasn't done anything wrong. I just didn't like what he was doing in that instance.

    Quote Originally Posted by KDude View Post
    In Socionics, difficulty gauging social/emotional space is an ENTP/ESTP thing. Not sure how much stock to put into that though.

    edit: What I mean is, they have "Fi PoLR". Which basically means they don't even know their social position until actually testing it. Socionics is different, but there isn't much mixup between the types when it comes to ENTPs. What Fi PoLR would be in an ENTP is prodding people, sometimes in childish ways, sometimes just coming up with ideas, and regardless of the other person, they need to test what happens (this could apply to flirting tactics). Also, comfortable trolling or offending people, shocking them, pushing social boundaries, etc..
    I don't really know anything about Socionics, but I'm not sure that description totally applies to him. I don't think he was doing it to figure out where he stood or just to see how far he could go or what might happen... I think he honestly thought I liked it and he was getting somewhere with me, at least for the duration of the first movie, and then he finally figured out that I didn't like it and he wasn't getting anywhere. Of course, I don't know him that well and I don't know his inner workings, but to me he definitely seems like an F. I could see him not feeling bad about offending someone every once in a while if they were attacking his Fi values, but I think he's somewhat aware of social rules and his place in them. I think this was more a personal issue than a social one.

    On the other hand, that description matches a past boyfriend of mine PERFECTLY. He tested as an xNTJ. Then again, that same test told me I was an INFJ with moderate J. So there ya go. Tests ought to be banned. :steam:

    Quote Originally Posted by animenagai View Post
    I'm really touchy feely, but god knows I don't do that when I'm flirting. I do that heaps to friends, but that's because we're friends and I know I won't scare you off. I can't speak for all ENFP's but if this was me, it would be my way of having fun around a friend and not my way of flirting.
    I know exactly what you mean! I do the same thing with my close friends... Lots of hugging, playful smacking, poking, just touchiness in general. But the problem was that I didn't know him well enough to feel comfortable with him touching me. I had only known of his existence for two weeks and spent a max of 5 hours of face time with him, always in groups except for once when we walked from choir to dinner (5 minutes tops). Because he was imposing himself on me physically yesterday, I felt he was also trying to impose on me emotionally (saying WE ARE CLOSE FRIENDS NOW SO THIS IS OKAY) and that was not cool with me. I have to build up friendships at a comfortable and natural pace.
    Percentage Estimation:

    I-65% N-75% F-65% P-55%

    Functions:

    Fi (50.0) > Ne (48.1) > Ti (32. 8) > Si (29.6) >
    Fe (22.6) > Te (22.6) > Ni (20.6) > Se (13.7)

  10. #20
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kibou-chan View Post
    On the other hand, that description matches a past boyfriend of mine PERFECTLY. He tested as an xNTJ. Then again, that same test told me I was an INFJ with moderate J. So there ya go. Tests ought to be banned. :steam:.
    That makes sense if he was. Many NTJs are ESTps in Socionics (although their lack of awareness isn't like the ENTPs.. It's more about testing your boundaries by simply being "direct").

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