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  1. #11
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    I had a similar problem few years ago.. I theoretically preferred intelligent women, but I only chose among extroverted, wild, fun impulsive types.. and I got disappointed. It's pretty easy to guess what went wrong.

    When we're acting on our impulses and desires, we're not like a statistician who takes a random, unbiased sample from a population. Quite the contrary.

    I still don't know what hidden, subconscious things I look for in a women I used to date. I do remember thinking that I chose the "best" so I should get the "best" - as in most fitting for me, best for relationship. It took a while to learn there was best1 and best2. What you look for and what you like when having it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  2. #12
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrongvk12 View Post
    But there are some men who spend a lot of time thinking about how they feel, volunteering (on their own), etc. The trouble is...where are they? If you find out where they are....let me know...cause I've been looking for them all my life.
    I think there are some on this forum.

    If you are looking for a concerned doer and feeler, go for Firemen! Hahaha.

    I dunno if your request was rhetorical but I'll attempt to answer it anyway.

    You can find sensitive, feeler types at poetry readings, community arts festivals, conferences, rallies, marches, certain types of lectures and film screenings, and gatherings. I guess it also depends on what kind of political orientation you are looking for.

    Many of activist men (though not all, and I'm not painting with a broad rosy stroke because there are a lot of activist men who are NOT like this AT ALL) on the progressive tip are very much critical thinkers who are conscious of and explore their emotions and want to connect with others. At least compared to their peer group. In fact, a passion and willingness to work for social justice kinda necessitate that. At the very least, these kind of men are willing to try to be emotional and "deep".

    If you are looking for more conservative emotionally in touch men, religious groups (especially youth group leaders, etc.) are a good bet. For more centrist or general humanitarian sided people, guys who volunteer at soup kitchens, who like nature, who work with children, EMTs, again social workers, sometimes teachers -- these would be good bets for a dating pool.

    Honestly, I think I know one firehouse that does their grocery weekly around the same time at the same grocery store. Now if I had a hankerin to date me some fireman, you know where and when I'd be doing my food shopping!

    You know that theory that the best place to pick up women is the grocery store and the best place to pick up guys is the hardware store? Gender stereotyping aside, go where the men (who you want to meet) are!

  3. #13
    Senior Member Priam's Avatar
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    I gotta agree with CzeCze on this! You're going to find deep people in places that attract/require depth. I am, apparently, very deep. This assessment is based on the references of multiple friends, so I don't think I'm being presumptuous. This usually means I will not be found alone in a bar or dance club, places I consider very shallow entertainment. If I am there at all, it will be with a group of friends who I know I can enjoy and ignore the outside company. I am most likely to be open and looking at events that register a higher quantity of people who share my interests, whether that's a fundraising house party, a conference, or even simply reading the same book at a coffeehouse. I don't just want a pretty face, so I actively filter for the traits I want and need. There are certain values that my life has become shaped around, certain duties the are not a job and therefore do not end at 5PM on a weekday, and I need a partner who appreciates that.

    Oh and we men are often simple, especially an INTP, but that does not equate with dumb or irrelevant. It really means I actively fight to streamline my life, cutting bullshit and drama to a minimum so that I can focus on things that really deserve my limited energy and time. My ENFP friend constantly reiterates that still waters run deep, and I think that's an apt phrase to describe the phenomenon.
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I think there are some on this forum.

    If you are looking for a concerned doer and feeler, go for Firemen! Hahaha.

    You can find sensitive, feeler types at poetry readings, community arts festivals, conferences, rallies, marches, certain types of lectures and film screenings, and gatherings. I guess it also depends on what kind of political orientation you are looking for.

    Many of activist men (though not all, and I'm not painting with a broad rosy stroke because there are a lot of activist men who are NOT like this AT ALL) on the progressive tip are very much critical thinkers who are conscious of and explore their emotions and want to connect with others. At least compared to their peer group. In fact, a passion and willingness to work for social justice kinda necessitate that. At the very least, these kind of men are willing to try to be emotional and "deep".

    If you are looking for more conservative emotionally in touch men, religious groups (especially youth group leaders, etc.) are a good bet. For more centrist or general humanitarian sided people, guys who volunteer at soup kitchens, who like nature, who work with children, EMTs, again social workers, sometimes teachers -- these would be good bets for a dating pool.

    Honestly, I think I know one firehouse that does their grocery weekly around the same time at the same grocery store. Now if I had a hankerin to date me some fireman, you know where and when I'd be doing my food shopping!

    You know that theory that the best place to pick up women is the grocery store and the best place to pick up guys is the hardware store? Gender stereotyping aside, go where the men (who you want to meet) are!
    I laughed SO loud when I read your "fireman" comment because my first serious boyfriend that I lived with for 7 years was a fireman. He was great in so many ways, but not quite the intellectual I was looking for in terms of a "forever" relationship.

    I am a teacher, but no prospects there as they are all married already. Yes to EVERYTHING above...except conservative minded (political and religious) men. I don't seem to get on with them too well....too controlling and I am too outspoken. Maybe an INFJ attorney??

    Thank you so much for your help...now I just need to hire you as my dating coach!

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Priam View Post
    I will not be found alone in a bar or dance club, places I consider very shallow entertainment....I actively fight to streamline my life, cutting bullshit and drama to a minimum so that I can focus on things that really deserve my limited energy and time. My ENFP friend constantly reiterates that still waters run deep, and I think that's an apt phrase to describe the phenomenon.
    This describes me precisely!

  6. #16
    Resident Snot-Nose GZA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arcticangel02 View Post
    The ideal type for an ENFP in a romantic relationship is apparently the INTJ, so the NT must be good for us.
    Well hold on, do YOU find the INTJ type attractive? It seems kind of silly to assume it must be a good fit because some websites say so, don't you think? Although, INTJ to some degree does resemble her ideal, but not totally. You can't really break down something like who you'd fall in love with into type, theres more to it than that, I think.

  7. #17
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    The Brownings were an NFJ-NFP pairing and they were soul mates. So yes, I think two NFs together can definitely work. Not for me, but it does for my ENFP sister. She's not Fe dominant, so a Feeler man wouldn't be too much F for her (as it would for me).

    As to dating men not as "deep" as you, I don't know that I understand as I haven't been able to become even remotely interested in a man who wasn't clever or in-questing. (Which is why I'm alone a lot, as all these men are already taken for obvious reasons.)
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    I'm alone a lot, as all these men are already taken for obvious reasons.)
    I second this! Well...if there ARE any single "deep" men here....I hope they make themselves known.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by GZA View Post
    Well hold on, do YOU find the INTJ type attractive?
    This is true. It matters whether or not you find them attractive...and of course whether or not they are attracted to you. My male INTJ friend could not function with a P...unless it was a REALLY weak P as he is TOO structured. Same with my male INFJ friend. They are both EXTREMELY "J." I also cannot function with a "P" and find myself doing better with a slight J....or I can function with a strong J..if I am really into him.

    One of the worst relationships I have ever had was with an INTP which is supposed to be a fit for me according to some web sites. Not enough structure to the relationship and almost no feeling.

  10. #20
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    How funny, I was driving home trying to think of my ex's type, (for he adamantly refused to take the MBTI), and I came to the conclusion that he is an ISTP. Looking that temperament up on Wikipedia, the rather brief description reflected him quite well. He is on his way of becoming a master craftsmen, and by day, functions as a civil engineer....

    So yeah, the only time I've experienced "true" love, was with an ISTP.

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