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[INFJ] what makes an infj happy?

P

Phantonym

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Personally, lots of things, the simple little things most often. It's different every time depending on my mood and whatnot. No distinctly noticeable pattern otherwise.
 

Aquarelle

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:( Awww. Do hugs help? :hug: :hug:

For me, some things that make me fundamentally happy are:

Having a small network of close friends/family who really understand me and who are there for me when I need them, but who also understand my need for alone time.

Making real connections with people... they don't necessarily have to become close friends, but being part of a community of like-minded people is nice, even a peripheral part. :)

Having time to myself to recharge.

Feeling like I make a difference, even in a small way.

Standing up in something I believe in and causing even one person to rethink their (misguided, in my opinion :D) stance on an issue.

Learning new things.

Fixing things, I mean physical things like sinks and cabinets, but I don't think that's very INFJish...
 
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Phantonym

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Fixing things, I mean physical things like sinks and cabinets, but I don't think that's very INFJish...

Oh, ooooh, I love fixing things! And assembling furniture and stuff like that...the more parts, the more tricky it is, the better. :laugh:
 

Aquarelle

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Oh, ooooh, I love fixing things! And assembling furniture and stuff like that...the more parts, the more tricky it is, the better. :laugh:
Cool! I always thought it was my S side coming out a bit. I love assembling furniture and stuff too... it's very satisfying to see something go from parts to whole or broken to fixed just by your own efforts.
 
G

garbage

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Successfully accomplishing stuff. And I'm a perfectionist, so my standards are pretty high on what I mean by "accomplishment."

I find it hard to be oriented about processes--meditation in exercise, for example--rather than the end results.
 

ItsAGuy

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:( Awww. Do hugs help? :hug: :hug:

For me, some things that make me fundamentally happy are:

Having a small network of close friends/family who really understand me and who are there for me when I need them, but who also understand my need for alone time.

Making real connections with people... they don't necessarily have to become close friends, but being part of a community of like-minded people is nice, even a peripheral part. :)

Having time to myself to recharge.

Feeling like I make a difference, even in a small way.

Standing up in something I believe in and causing even one person to rethink their (misguided, in my opinion :D) stance on an issue.

Learning new things.

Fixing things, I mean physical things like sinks and cabinets, but I don't think that's very INFJish...

It depends; I have a pretty big bubble of personal space. I only want a handful of people inside it. From them, hugs are great... from everyone else, it just makes me terribly uncomfortable. =P

Good reply, though. I just seem to be full of contradictions right now.

  • I have a good and good paying job, and can afford to live on my own terms (i.e., no obnoxious roommates, etc) in a high cost of living area (D.C.)) ... and I hate it here. I want to go back to Maine where there's no jobs and none that do exist pay very well.
  • I'm kinda sorta talented (part of why I have a good job) but I never seem to have the energy/good mood to deploy and broaden these talents.. even though I'll have to if I'll ever be occupationally happy.
  • I have a crush on an artistic (something I value very highly and regret not being myself) girl, but she happens to live on the other side of the 'pond.' She spends a lot of time talking to me (especially after my telling her about my affections), but I still have to do all the initiation which makes me feel uninteresting and like a pest... and I abhor the idea of eventually having to ask her to move away from her friends and family to be with me in a strange land (presumbly after a bizarro hardly-ever-got-to-really-date courtship)) ... etc. So I question the wisdom of my interest, though I can honestly say it's the most sure thing I've probably ever felt for another person, and occasionally even am tempted to try someone local... even though the same level of feeling isn't there and she'd essentially be '2nd best' which makes me feel very guilty in advance of even having met this person, etc. I feel like in either scenario I'm destined to be doing something ~wrong~ and that makes me unhappy. I also don't think I should rely on a relationship for happiness, and yet it's something I want most out of life. Conundrum!

Ultimately I should take me modestly polished talents to try to make my OWN job so I can live where I want (i.e., maybe near her.) But i've gotten so very little (okay nothing) out of what I've wanted from life so far, I'm 33, and I'm just tired all the time.

YAY! =)

I'm actually in a better mood than this topic and post suggests, but still... up and down up and down. I somehow need to be happy on my way to becoming happy? It makes little sense to me.

XKCD should make a cartoon panel out of this. :shrug:
 

Tiltyred

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DC Metro is a hard place to live sometimes, for sure. Better if you come here with a family already.

The girl across the pond is something to do while you're getting ready to get ready to actually have a relationship. Don't worry too much about those things (long distance stuff). They take care of themselves. I think you should spend more time with actual women, even if you think you're cheating them because they're second best to some girl across the pond. I think it's nuts to tie yourself down in a situation like that, especially at your age.

Wanna know what else I think, huh, do ya? Just ask me, go ahead ...
 

ItsAGuy

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DC Metro is a hard place to live sometimes, for sure. Better if you come here with a family already.

The girl across the pond is something to do while you're getting ready to get ready to actually have a relationship. Don't worry too much about those things (long distance stuff). They take care of themselves. I think you should spend more time with actual women, even if you think you're cheating them because they're second best to some girl across the pond. I think it's nuts to tie yourself down in a situation like that, especially at your age.

Wanna know what else I think, huh, do ya? Just ask me, go ahead ...

It very well might be nuts, but authenticity is paramount to me (and it seems INFJs in general)... so I can't ignore very authentic feelings for her even though the situation is inconvenient to us both, nor float inauthentic feelings to local women just to satisfy cuddly needs =P Plus, even if I did meet someone genuine locally, I'll have to feel guilty about having woo'd the other girl as far as I have, just to snap our connection? Violates my sense of ethics.

I'm more or less wondering how to feel happy ALONE in the meantime. :shock:
 
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Tiltyred

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You don't have to be alone, it's really that simple. The long distance girl will do it to you or you'll do it to her, that's what's going to happen. How much face time have you spent with her, anyway?
 

Aquarelle

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It very well might be nuts, but authenticity is paramount to me (and it seems INFJs in general)... so I can't ignore very authentic feelings for her even though the situation is inconvenient to us both, nor float inauthentic feelings to local women just to satisfy cuddly needs =P Plus, even if I did meet someone genuine locally, I'll have to feel guilty about having woo'd the other girl as far as I have, just to snap our connection? Violates my sense of ethics.

I'm more or less wondering how to feel happy ALONE in the meantime. :shock:

UGH I can definitely relate to this! I have never been able to ignore "authentic" feelings I've had for someone, no matter how inconvenient the circumstances, and my conscience won't let me act on inauthentic feelings. Sometimes having a conscience sucks, lol!!

Have you and the long-distance girl ever spent any time in person together? If not, my advice would be to arrange a visit before making any long term decisions like "I am going to save myself for this girl even if I do meet someone local that I like" or "Long distance isn't going to work, I'm going to give up on it."
 

ItsAGuy

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Have you and the long-distance girl ever spent any time in person together? If not, my advice would be to arrange a visit before making any long term decisions like "I am going to save myself for this girl even if I do meet someone local that I like" or "Long distance isn't going to work, I'm going to give up on it."

Nope... and normally I avoid this kind of situation. I've known her for a good while due to unrelated circumstances and i've only really discovered 'her' and my feelings in the last half-year or so. I tried to talk myself out of it for the first few months, and then have just been direct with her about how I feel the last two or so. We each know a fair lot about the other and there certainly are no surprises when it comes to what the other looks or sounds or acts like.

We HAVE talked about the pond a bit, and they were good conversations. But being an ISFJ she has a much more 'in-the-moment' attitude about it. "We'll cross that bridge if/when we come to it" were her (admittedly practical) words, though she was all smiles while saying it. She is, at the very least, entertaining the idea of me and crossing the pond (though honestly I think I'd feel better going to her... I just can't do it without stable employment... I won't be the sort of leech my sisters always seem to end up with.)
 

Aquarelle

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Hmmm, I believe that you know her well, but I'd still say you should make a few visits, whether you go there or she comes here, before you make a permanent move...

Plus that could help "tide you over" while you figure out employment if you move there.
 

ItsAGuy

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Hmmm, I believe that you know her well, but I'd still say you should make a few visits, whether you go there or she comes here, before you make a permanent move...

Plus that could help "tide you over" while you figure out employment if you move there.

Oh, geez... yeah, I went on so long in the 'convos' bit that I forgot the original point that she was open to the idea of my coming over for 'Tea' ... but not JUST for her; like if I were already swinging through for vacation or something. Problem is, she's just about the only thing in Europe I find interesting =P

Another notion is that it would be easy for her to get a tourist VISA and spent some time 'crashing' around the states, including with me, for an 'extended' vacation of her own. A few weeks, a month or two... feasible and affordable, but still kinda weird. I haven't mentioned it.
 

Aquarelle

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Oh, geez... yeah, I went on so long in the 'convos' bit that I forgot the original point that she was open to the idea of my coming over for 'Tea' ... but not JUST for her; like if I were already swinging through for vacation or something. Problem is, she's just about the only thing in Europe I find interesting =P

Another notion is that it would be easy for her to get a tourist VISA and spent some time 'crashing' around the states, including with me, for an 'extended' vacation of her own. A few weeks, a month or two... feasible and affordable, but still kinda weird. I haven't mentioned it.

Oh okay good. :)

Do I guess correctly from your avatar that you are a photographer? I'd say you could find some interesting things you could take pic of in Europe. ;) I bet you'd find some things (besides the girl) interesting once you were there.
 

ItsAGuy

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Oh okay good. :)

Do I guess correctly from your avatar that you are a photographer?

I take pics, but haven't made a go at basing income on the practice. I actually had only just posted an album (here) earlier today.
 

Skyward

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Off the wall goofy conversations with those I've allowed into my exclusive friend circle.

And hugs! Though I'm pretty picky about who I partake with. If they arent on the allowed list, then it's just awkward.
 

ItsAGuy

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Off the wall goofy conversations with those I've allowed into my exclusive friend circle.

And hugs! Though I'm pretty picky about who I partake with. If they arent on the allowed list, then it's just awkward.

Agree'd (and I'm happy the topic is off me again =D) ... people inside the circle get the special treatment... those at the edge of the circle (but whom I know are there) probably get the worst of it, while those random strangers who just happen to come into proximity of the circle/bubble get a nod, a smile, maybe a comment or two about the weather or the car.

I think the worst of the issue is that having been transplanted again, I don't have any inner circle people left (at least, living close enough to ever see them; can still talk online), and it's not all that easy for INFJs to meet new ones. Somehow, for the time being, I have to be entirely self-powered (hence the question.)
 

SilkRoad

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-Being understood, or people evidently making efforts in that direction
-Being appreciated...ditto ditto
-Having people in my life who I feel I can truly understand and appreciate
-Culture - which can be anything from dropping into an art gallery, to a poetry reading, to a tiny sweaty gig in a tiny club, to a giant cosmic gig in the world's biggest stadium
-Having a moral purpose in life
-Clicking with someone new, or someone you've never known that well and finally do - that wonderful moment of recognition and excitement

To name a few...
 

Skyward

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I think the worst of the issue is that having been transplanted again, I don't have any inner circle people left (at least, living close enough to ever see them; can still talk online), and it's not all that easy for INFJs to meet new ones. Somehow, for the time being, I have to be entirely self-powered (hence the question.)

When I was an exchange student in Finland (which is generaly filled with very reserved people) it wasnt for a month or two before I made any friends, and not until 7-8 months later that I developed any deep connections. Funny thing, though, is that I have more friends over there than here in the States. Maybe people there could relate to my dour mood better than the people here :D
 
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